How do you make amends and then ending without it seeming abrupt?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 600
How do you make amends and then ending without it seeming abrupt?
I am very confused about amends.
My sponsor told me to call a family member on my amends list. She said to say the amends, ask if there's any other harms I caused, how to make it right, and ask if I can visit. I did.
He said he wanted me to call two other family members who visit him. We also had a nice conversation on the phone. I said something while anxious that he could have taken the wrong way, but thankfully he did not. I told my sponsor how it went. She said, "You don't owe an amends to those two other family members, but it couldn't hurt to make a general amends, like 'sorry for my immature behavior all these years'.
So I called the first person and apologized for my immature behavior. It went well. But we continued talking, and then the conversation took a bad turn, because he took something I said the wrong way, and started to say rather overly assertive things about my lack of visiting certain family members (of which he does not have an understanding of them at all). He also pushed his opinion about my making amends/calling other family members, but I was told that I do not owe them amends. So it didn't really end that great.
I told my sponsor. This time, she says, "You're supposed to just say the amends and be done."
This confuses me. So I'm just supposed to call, do my amends, and then quickly hang up the phone while everything is still good?? Not ask how things are or catch up?? And is this the way it is supposed to go in person??
Also, for people you have to visit, and you haven't spoken to them in a very long time, how do you call them and just say, "Hey can I come visit you?" This just doesn't make sense to me. I feel like I am missing part of the instructions here.
I know we're not really supposed to make amends via the phone, but I'm assuming the little ones that came up in my memory, she's having me make via phone. I don't know. I feel like I'm not getting much direction here.
Also if you do go visit someone, what, you fly or drive for hours, say your amends, and then just leave? I just don't understand.
My sponsor told me to call a family member on my amends list. She said to say the amends, ask if there's any other harms I caused, how to make it right, and ask if I can visit. I did.
He said he wanted me to call two other family members who visit him. We also had a nice conversation on the phone. I said something while anxious that he could have taken the wrong way, but thankfully he did not. I told my sponsor how it went. She said, "You don't owe an amends to those two other family members, but it couldn't hurt to make a general amends, like 'sorry for my immature behavior all these years'.
So I called the first person and apologized for my immature behavior. It went well. But we continued talking, and then the conversation took a bad turn, because he took something I said the wrong way, and started to say rather overly assertive things about my lack of visiting certain family members (of which he does not have an understanding of them at all). He also pushed his opinion about my making amends/calling other family members, but I was told that I do not owe them amends. So it didn't really end that great.
I told my sponsor. This time, she says, "You're supposed to just say the amends and be done."
This confuses me. So I'm just supposed to call, do my amends, and then quickly hang up the phone while everything is still good?? Not ask how things are or catch up?? And is this the way it is supposed to go in person??
Also, for people you have to visit, and you haven't spoken to them in a very long time, how do you call them and just say, "Hey can I come visit you?" This just doesn't make sense to me. I feel like I am missing part of the instructions here.
I know we're not really supposed to make amends via the phone, but I'm assuming the little ones that came up in my memory, she's having me make via phone. I don't know. I feel like I'm not getting much direction here.
Also if you do go visit someone, what, you fly or drive for hours, say your amends, and then just leave? I just don't understand.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
