hubby in detox
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hubby in detox
My husband had a bad weekend and was drinking whiskey. Was drinking every hour from Friday until Mon. This will be his 3rd detox this year. I am no longer worried. I am really angry why he does it to himself?
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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Because he's an alcoholic.
All detox will do is to dry him out temporarily.
I think you need to start facing some tough truths. He is NOT a great provider and dad, and it looks as if this situation is having a very negative impact on everyone in your family, including you and your son who is drinking at school. Being angry all the time isn't a lot healthier than being worried.
What are you willing to do for yourself and your kids?
All detox will do is to dry him out temporarily.
I think you need to start facing some tough truths. He is NOT a great provider and dad, and it looks as if this situation is having a very negative impact on everyone in your family, including you and your son who is drinking at school. Being angry all the time isn't a lot healthier than being worried.
What are you willing to do for yourself and your kids?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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angry wife......the same words came immediately to my mind.....He drinks because he is an alcoholic. He has the disease of alcoholism.
A nonalcoholic cannot completely know how it FEELS to be an alcoholic. It isn't just a matter of being logical or illogical (to the alcoholic). I am sure that it looks like that to you, though.
You can get a better handle o n intellectually understanding it, though, by educating yourself about the disease and the natural course of the condition.
You can begin by reading the stickies at the top of the main page...directly above these threads. Begin with the one called "classic Readings"..........
"Under the Influence" is a book on the subject that is frequently recommended.
I think it is also important to realize that just because you "understand" something doesn't mean that you have to live with it or tolerate it being in your life.....Alcoholism is called the Family disease...because it hurts the alcoholic and everyone close to the alcoholic..
You have a right and obligation to p rotect yourself....even if you love the alcoholic. You can't even love them to sobriety.
Chances are that he doesn't "understand" alcoholism, either.....even though he knows how it feels. Right now, he is under the control of the alcohol.
Detox without a strong program of recovery doesn't do much long-term good.
It just gets him sober for a time....but, it doesn't address how to be in recovery.....A recovery program requires a tenacious and vigorous program....it takes time and work. A rehabilitation program can get a person pointed toward the path of recovery if the person is ready to want sobriety......it is just the beginning steps,......
I hope you will hang in here and keep reading and learning and consider going to alanon for yourself.......the loved ones need support as much as the alcoholic.....
dandylion.
A nonalcoholic cannot completely know how it FEELS to be an alcoholic. It isn't just a matter of being logical or illogical (to the alcoholic). I am sure that it looks like that to you, though.
You can get a better handle o n intellectually understanding it, though, by educating yourself about the disease and the natural course of the condition.
You can begin by reading the stickies at the top of the main page...directly above these threads. Begin with the one called "classic Readings"..........
"Under the Influence" is a book on the subject that is frequently recommended.
I think it is also important to realize that just because you "understand" something doesn't mean that you have to live with it or tolerate it being in your life.....Alcoholism is called the Family disease...because it hurts the alcoholic and everyone close to the alcoholic..
You have a right and obligation to p rotect yourself....even if you love the alcoholic. You can't even love them to sobriety.
Chances are that he doesn't "understand" alcoholism, either.....even though he knows how it feels. Right now, he is under the control of the alcohol.
Detox without a strong program of recovery doesn't do much long-term good.
It just gets him sober for a time....but, it doesn't address how to be in recovery.....A recovery program requires a tenacious and vigorous program....it takes time and work. A rehabilitation program can get a person pointed toward the path of recovery if the person is ready to want sobriety......it is just the beginning steps,......
I hope you will hang in here and keep reading and learning and consider going to alanon for yourself.......the loved ones need support as much as the alcoholic.....
dandylion.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 54
He drinks because he is a jerk and chooses a bottle over his wife and kids. My sons incident at school is causing Child Protective Service to be involved in our lives. I'm a good mother and am sick and tired of his choices effecting our lives negatively. When he comes home I will lay out the rules. One drink and he is put out. Even if it is beer.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Well, he may BE a jerk, but that isn't why he's drinking.
And you can kick him out of the house, but until you do something about your own anger, I doubt it will bring you the relief you're hoping for.
I understand the rage--believe me, I've been there.
This might be a good time--while he's tucked away in detox--to find an Al-Anon meeting.
And you can kick him out of the house, but until you do something about your own anger, I doubt it will bring you the relief you're hoping for.
I understand the rage--believe me, I've been there.
This might be a good time--while he's tucked away in detox--to find an Al-Anon meeting.
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Location: W Washington
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angrywife, this isn't a recent development, it has gone on for YEARS.....yes he continues to choose alcohol, but you made choices to stay and ride it out.
My husband of 16 years cannot seem to put down the drink. He's a great father and provider. I don't mind him drinking beer.....
CPS showed up because there is concern about the environment in the household.....over a decade of a parent abusing alcohol....and a child who learned from that behavior. you said you thought the school administration was over-reacting......but it IS very serious.
now is the time to make some resolute changes. ANY alcohol is bad....even BEER. i hope you get some counseling for yourself and your son.....to truly understand and work thru this most unpleasant phase..........
My husband of 16 years cannot seem to put down the drink. He's a great father and provider. I don't mind him drinking beer.....
CPS showed up because there is concern about the environment in the household.....over a decade of a parent abusing alcohol....and a child who learned from that behavior. you said you thought the school administration was over-reacting......but it IS very serious.
now is the time to make some resolute changes. ANY alcohol is bad....even BEER. i hope you get some counseling for yourself and your son.....to truly understand and work thru this most unpleasant phase..........
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My son was accused of giving alcohol to other students. He experimented and is being punished more because of his father. I get support from friends and elders in the church. I feel it is a better fit than Alanon which I tried.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
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He is not being punished bc of his dad. You've got to stop coddling your son-he's in trouble bc it IS serious....and it foreshadows a very long downward life for your son if soneone does not intervene. Your husband cannot and will not intervene-that leaves you.,,you HAVE to see the reality of the situation. and own your part in enabling it-I'm not trying to be harsh, but real. Please get some help for yourself and your son.
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I apologize for my directness but this situation just hits close to home-I feel like I'm talking to my ex mother in law and I so wish she would have opened her eyes to what SHE was doing to her son/kids by allowing and encouraging and defending her sons drinking and completely turning a blind eye to what she had caused... Instead of getting help for herself and her kids and getting then away from her husband. Truly-I just want the best for you abd your son and CPS bring involved should be an eye opener for you and your son. It will not get better for you unless you get help-I get the rage-I've been there. But I had to heal myself before I could help myself and my kids by just not denying my reality any longer.
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angrywife.....it is good that you have support from your church. However good that is....church is not set up as a specific treatment program to deal with the specifics of these situations.
I would like to encourage you to consider alanon, again. It is said to go to 6 meetings before making a decision. I have never heard of someone not being welcomed into a meeting......they will understand more than words can describe....
Your husband will need AA....or even an introduction by a rehab program after he gets out of detox. He will be welcomed there, as well.
god will help those who reach out their hand for help......
very sincerely,
dandylion
I would like to encourage you to consider alanon, again. It is said to go to 6 meetings before making a decision. I have never heard of someone not being welcomed into a meeting......they will understand more than words can describe....
Your husband will need AA....or even an introduction by a rehab program after he gets out of detox. He will be welcomed there, as well.
god will help those who reach out their hand for help......
very sincerely,
dandylion
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 171
Originally Posted by angrywife232310 
My son was accused of giving alcohol to other students. He experimented and is being punished more because of his father. I get support from friends and elders in the church. I feel it is a better fit than Alanon which I tried.
It is very understandable to be angry with your husbands decisions, but anger is not going to change your husbands alcoholism.
What if you were able to channel that anger and focus on what your husband is doing wrong on your own and your son's well being? There's a problem in the house and it's time to act on your son's behalf (at the very least), and being angry at your husband is not going to help or solve this problem.
CPS is involved for a good reason. Please recognize this, and start looking at ways you can make the whole situation better for you and your son. Alcoholics may hit a rock bottom before they realize they're not healthy - so can co-dependents. This could be your own wake-up call, so please take it as such and recognize you and your son need some help to heal from your husband's disease.
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Location: Iowa
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Alanon isn't for everyone. It has helped me a lot, which is why I usually recommend it. I hated my first meeting though. I almost didn't go back to another one. I'm glad I did, because I found my home meeting at the next one I tried.
It's good that you have a support system through your friends and at church, but most people really don't have a good understanding of alcoholism. Have you looked into Celebrate Recovery? It's scripture-based and run by churches, and they have programs for alcoholics as well as family members of all ages.
I grew up in an alcoholic home, and it impacted me in ways that I am still dealing with as an adult. I wish someone had taken me to Alateen or some other program for children of alcoholics, but my mom thought that once she "got rid of her problem" by divorcing my dad it would magically fix everything. Unfortunately that's not how it works. We as family members get just as sick as the alcoholic. Today I am glad that I have the choice to heal myself, whether my alcoholic loved ones are drinking or not. My security and happiness do not have to depend on other people behaving the way I want them to.
It's good that you have a support system through your friends and at church, but most people really don't have a good understanding of alcoholism. Have you looked into Celebrate Recovery? It's scripture-based and run by churches, and they have programs for alcoholics as well as family members of all ages.
I grew up in an alcoholic home, and it impacted me in ways that I am still dealing with as an adult. I wish someone had taken me to Alateen or some other program for children of alcoholics, but my mom thought that once she "got rid of her problem" by divorcing my dad it would magically fix everything. Unfortunately that's not how it works. We as family members get just as sick as the alcoholic. Today I am glad that I have the choice to heal myself, whether my alcoholic loved ones are drinking or not. My security and happiness do not have to depend on other people behaving the way I want them to.
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ladyscribbler, that is another reason I stopped going. I do not believe that I am as sick as my husband. I really don't even believe that he has a disease either. Maybe if selfiness was a disease? My father drank an absurd amount of alcohol daily. He worked, functioned and when the doctors told him to quit at 75 for health reasons, he quit.
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Location: Iowa
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Originally Posted by angrywife232310
CPS, is just another consequence of his drinking. They seem rude, uncaring and judgmental. My other kids are doing great in school and activities.
That's a hard environment to grow up in, and a hard environment to parent in. Right now you are essentially the only adult in your home and probably have been for a long time. I know that takes a huge toll. And now there is this crisis going on, which takes up additional time, energy and resources when you're probably already stretched pretty thin. Meanwhile your husband gets to go hide out at detox while you're left dealing with everything. I don't blame you a bit for being angry. That can be a good motivator for making changes.
I encourage you to seek out some help from a person or group that deals specifically with alcohol addiction in families. SR is an excellent resource, but there's no substitute for real life help.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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angrywife.......I understand your anger.....and anger is often our reaction to hurt and pain and sadness..... I believe it is natural to be angry when we have been hurt.......just don't let the anger cloud your judgement about taking care of yourself...... Sometimes, in the heat of anger we have to step back a little bit and let those who love us...help us to collect ourselves and make clear decisions about what needs to be done.
It is true that those who are connected to government agencies or organizations do not always approach with soft, sweet, compassionate times....lol. Most of us know that......but, it is the best thing to, at least, be calm and cooperative with them.....as much as you can muster.
As a matter of fact, if you were to attend alanon, take your son for counseling and/or alateen, etc. this would go a long way to demonstrate that you are trying hard to rectify the situation that has developed.......
I hear that you have been devoted to your kids and it is great that the others are doing well. I believe that will become self evident.....
It is really hard when we feel that our motherhood is being questioned.....
I am not trying to judge you......I understand how you may feel very attacked.....
No one in alanon will judge you, either.......
So many of us have been in your shoes.....we are not out to judge.....
We are trying to help......
This is what happens with this horrible disease.....there are thousands of testimonies here that describe this.....sigh.....
sometimes, it comes to a point where you just have to do what you have to do )even if you don't like it). Often times, the right thing is the hardest thing....
dandylion
It is true that those who are connected to government agencies or organizations do not always approach with soft, sweet, compassionate times....lol. Most of us know that......but, it is the best thing to, at least, be calm and cooperative with them.....as much as you can muster.
As a matter of fact, if you were to attend alanon, take your son for counseling and/or alateen, etc. this would go a long way to demonstrate that you are trying hard to rectify the situation that has developed.......
I hear that you have been devoted to your kids and it is great that the others are doing well. I believe that will become self evident.....
It is really hard when we feel that our motherhood is being questioned.....
I am not trying to judge you......I understand how you may feel very attacked.....
No one in alanon will judge you, either.......
So many of us have been in your shoes.....we are not out to judge.....
We are trying to help......
This is what happens with this horrible disease.....there are thousands of testimonies here that describe this.....sigh.....
sometimes, it comes to a point where you just have to do what you have to do )even if you don't like it). Often times, the right thing is the hardest thing....
dandylion
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ladyscribbler, when I went to visit him and discuss the issue, the staff urged me to be supportive and not upset him! Why does he get so much attention? Why is the alcoholic treated with kid gloves? My husband is a master of creating drama.
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dandy, the authorities are accusing my son of being an alcoholic? I doubt Alateen would help him. I am not going to respond with anymore reasons why I stopped Alanon. I do not want to discourage anyone else from going.
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