How Do I Love Living On My Own? Let Me Count The Ways...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
How Do I Love Living On My Own? Let Me Count The Ways...
1. Nothing smells like stale beer.
2. I can now recycle things (we never had a recycle bin, I think because it would have been an in-your-face indicator of how many beer cans he was generating).
3. The kids and I now generate 2-3 bags of trash a week (rather than 8-10 a week).
4. EVERYBODY IN THIS HOUSE WASHES THEIR TOOTHPASTE SPIT DOWN THE BATHROOM SINK DRAIN, EVERY SINGLE TIME THEY BRUSH THEIR TEETH.
5. I wash bedding once a week. Not three times a week, because people drag blankets all over the house through dog hair that nobody cleans up.
6. The kids and I hang out in the living room all the time. Nobody is hiding in their bedrooms.
7. And while we're hanging out in the living room, we get to watch what we want to watch on television.
8. I've lost 10 pounds, because I'm not doing nearly as much stress-eating, and we are eating a lot more chicken (instead of beef--STBXAH is allergic to chicken).
The list is so much longer, but these are the things that come to mind right now.
2. I can now recycle things (we never had a recycle bin, I think because it would have been an in-your-face indicator of how many beer cans he was generating).
3. The kids and I now generate 2-3 bags of trash a week (rather than 8-10 a week).
4. EVERYBODY IN THIS HOUSE WASHES THEIR TOOTHPASTE SPIT DOWN THE BATHROOM SINK DRAIN, EVERY SINGLE TIME THEY BRUSH THEIR TEETH.
5. I wash bedding once a week. Not three times a week, because people drag blankets all over the house through dog hair that nobody cleans up.
6. The kids and I hang out in the living room all the time. Nobody is hiding in their bedrooms.
7. And while we're hanging out in the living room, we get to watch what we want to watch on television.
8. I've lost 10 pounds, because I'm not doing nearly as much stress-eating, and we are eating a lot more chicken (instead of beef--STBXAH is allergic to chicken).
The list is so much longer, but these are the things that come to mind right now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Isn't stale beer the worst smell ever??
Wow Wisconsin, what an awesome update!
I can't help but think it's funny that the blanket dragging toothpaste plasterer is him, and your kids are so very neat. Made me smile.
Wow Wisconsin, what an awesome update!
I can't help but think it's funny that the blanket dragging toothpaste plasterer is him, and your kids are so very neat. Made me smile.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
9. I no longer find beer cans/liquor bottles in random spots anymore- under the couch, in filing cabinets or desk drawers.
10. Cleaning up bodily fluids- blood, vomit, urine, etc., is a rare occurrence that coincides with actual illness or (non alcohol-related) injury.
11. Random bad events and problems directly related to his drinking are no longer "all my fault."
12. I look forward to paydays, rather than dreading them.
13. I can't remember the last time I heard someone say the "c word." It used to get screamed in my face at least weekly.
14. Things like dental checkups and car repairs are no longer considered "optional", something that MIGHT get taken care of IF there was anything leftover after the monthly tithe of income to the liquor stores and bars.
15. Our toilet seat has never gone mysteriously missing.
10. Cleaning up bodily fluids- blood, vomit, urine, etc., is a rare occurrence that coincides with actual illness or (non alcohol-related) injury.
11. Random bad events and problems directly related to his drinking are no longer "all my fault."
12. I look forward to paydays, rather than dreading them.
13. I can't remember the last time I heard someone say the "c word." It used to get screamed in my face at least weekly.
14. Things like dental checkups and car repairs are no longer considered "optional", something that MIGHT get taken care of IF there was anything leftover after the monthly tithe of income to the liquor stores and bars.
15. Our toilet seat has never gone mysteriously missing.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Your TOILET SEAT went missing? OMG, that is one of the more mysterious events I've ever heard recounted.
For me, I think the biggest thing was not having that feeling of dread as I came home each evening.
For me, I think the biggest thing was not having that feeling of dread as I came home each evening.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
-i know where all of my drinking glasses are - they are in my cupboard - not scattered around the house, yard, garage, or broken n the sidewalk
- the freezer door rarely opens, and when it does, it is for food. (I swear I have a tish of PTSD that this sound triggers)
- i am not terrified there will be an 'incident' in front of someone I love - let alone me
- I do not need to stew for weeks when i want to discuss something that might be negative
- i am content that should I lob off a finger in the kitchen, i would be safely driven to the hospital by any number of friends or neighbors
- resentment is leaving my body - slowly but surely
-I am learning to count on myself and family and friends for support - rather than feeling depressed I can't get it at home
- I am able to say NO more freely
- i feel comfortable reading any book I want in my home
- i feel comfortable hanging whatever art i want in my home
-my bathroom is clean
-my bedsheets no longer have a stain on one side of them
- i wake up to a clean smelling room - every day.
- I sleep soundly because I am not being yelled at, kicked, hit, or spit at by someone completely passed out
- my migraines, anxiety, and insomnia are gone
-I can by a bottle of wine, or a 6 pack and it is still there days, even weeks later.
- I do not dread fishing anymore
-I am not dreading the holidays
day-yum
this feels good
- the freezer door rarely opens, and when it does, it is for food. (I swear I have a tish of PTSD that this sound triggers)
- i am not terrified there will be an 'incident' in front of someone I love - let alone me
- I do not need to stew for weeks when i want to discuss something that might be negative
- i am content that should I lob off a finger in the kitchen, i would be safely driven to the hospital by any number of friends or neighbors
- resentment is leaving my body - slowly but surely
-I am learning to count on myself and family and friends for support - rather than feeling depressed I can't get it at home
- I am able to say NO more freely
- i feel comfortable reading any book I want in my home
- i feel comfortable hanging whatever art i want in my home
-my bathroom is clean
-my bedsheets no longer have a stain on one side of them
- i wake up to a clean smelling room - every day.
- I sleep soundly because I am not being yelled at, kicked, hit, or spit at by someone completely passed out
- my migraines, anxiety, and insomnia are gone
-I can by a bottle of wine, or a 6 pack and it is still there days, even weeks later.
- I do not dread fishing anymore
-I am not dreading the holidays
day-yum
this feels good
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
- No more waking up in the middle of the night because of somebody cussing. Last time I woke up in the middle of the night was because I went to bed before 9, which reminds me, I actually CAN go to bed before 9 if I want to!
- I can eat what I want when I want!
- Money saved on food is unbelievable.
- Haven't heard the b word in a loooong time.
*and firebolt, when you mention fridge opening. OMG, I could not stand the sound of freezer opening when he would get the ice, then I could not stand the sound of ice being dropped in a plastic glass. NO MORE!
- I can eat what I want when I want!
- Money saved on food is unbelievable.
- Haven't heard the b word in a loooong time.
*and firebolt, when you mention fridge opening. OMG, I could not stand the sound of freezer opening when he would get the ice, then I could not stand the sound of ice being dropped in a plastic glass. NO MORE!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
This gets my vote for Thread of The Week, love it! 
But that stale beer thing took me back in a nanosecond to smelling that first thing in the mornings on an empty stomach. Ugh, gross.
This blows my mind - in like, 2 months? MIGRAINES - gone. Our bodies do unbelievable things in response to stress.
I am afraid to ask Lady about the toilet seat.
I love that when I put money into the bank, it's still there when I'm ready to spend it. And likewise - I like knowing how much my credit card bill is going to be when it arrives each month.
But that stale beer thing took me back in a nanosecond to smelling that first thing in the mornings on an empty stomach. Ugh, gross.
Originally Posted by firebolt 
- my migraines, anxiety, and insomnia are gone
I am afraid to ask Lady about the toilet seat.
I love that when I put money into the bank, it's still there when I'm ready to spend it. And likewise - I like knowing how much my credit card bill is going to be when it arrives each month.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I think I know what happened to the toilet seat. He went to sit down on it, he fell onto it and broke it. He may or may not recall even doing that, then trying to hide the toilet seat so you wouldn't notice it. Ask me how I would know?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
9. I no longer find beer cans/liquor bottles in random spots anymore- under the couch, in filing cabinets or desk drawers.
LS, when I went by AH's place last Sunday to drop off our son for the day, there were two empty PBR cans...one tucked into each of his work boots.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by firebolt
-I am learning to count on myself and family and friends for support - rather than feeling depressed I can't get it at home
- i feel comfortable reading any book I want in my home
- i feel comfortable hanging whatever art i want in my home
And the books...sometimes he would make fun of a particular book I was reading, but more often he just made fun of the fact that I was reading at all.
And the art...our entire living room was an homage to his career/trade. No room for me anywhere, except photos of the kids.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
I LOVE that you guys joined in. It reminded me of so many other things I have to be grateful for.
I still have a very visceral reaction to the sound of a beer can opening. I don't think that will go away soon. I am, however, an expert at distinguishing the sound of a beer can opening, and a soda can opening. So at least soda cans aren't triggering me.
ETA...I thought of another one! I left two and a half months ago. And not once during that time has anyone ever looked at me and said "what's your problem?"
I still have a very visceral reaction to the sound of a beer can opening. I don't think that will go away soon. I am, however, an expert at distinguishing the sound of a beer can opening, and a soda can opening. So at least soda cans aren't triggering me.
ETA...I thought of another one! I left two and a half months ago. And not once during that time has anyone ever looked at me and said "what's your problem?"
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 222
Love this thread!!!! Thank you so much for posting it!!! My AH recently moved out and I also could not be freer or happier.
--Went out to dinner tonight and was able to have a drink. I never drank around him because I'd have one so he'd have 5. It was like if I had one drink it gave him the go ahead to indulge.
--I clean my house and it stays clean
--I don't have to hear the garage door opening late at night and wondering where he's been
-- I don't have to listen to him watching moronic tv at full volume
--I don't have to live with someone who was incapable of communication or relating to another human
--When i need something done in the house, I do it. I don't need to ask him ten times and then do it myself ANYWAY!
--I laugh now. I have friends over. We laugh. I eat healthier. I sleep great!
-- I wake up refreshed. And now my first thought upon waking isn't "Oh yeah, crap, this again". It's now "Yes! New day here I come!"
--No more broken dishes and glasses. I'm buying a new full set and it will stay that way.
--No more bottles and bottles and bottles of Advil! And every night listening to him taking it. Just the sound of that damn Advil bottle used to make me nuts!
--I wish my kids still lived at home and were younger so they could've had a somewhat normal childhood. I like what you wrote about them not in their bedrooms anymore. My kids never left their rooms. I was a bit too late on this one.
Thanks again for the post!
--Went out to dinner tonight and was able to have a drink. I never drank around him because I'd have one so he'd have 5. It was like if I had one drink it gave him the go ahead to indulge.
--I clean my house and it stays clean
--I don't have to hear the garage door opening late at night and wondering where he's been
-- I don't have to listen to him watching moronic tv at full volume
--I don't have to live with someone who was incapable of communication or relating to another human
--When i need something done in the house, I do it. I don't need to ask him ten times and then do it myself ANYWAY!
--I laugh now. I have friends over. We laugh. I eat healthier. I sleep great!
-- I wake up refreshed. And now my first thought upon waking isn't "Oh yeah, crap, this again". It's now "Yes! New day here I come!"
--No more broken dishes and glasses. I'm buying a new full set and it will stay that way.
--No more bottles and bottles and bottles of Advil! And every night listening to him taking it. Just the sound of that damn Advil bottle used to make me nuts!
--I wish my kids still lived at home and were younger so they could've had a somewhat normal childhood. I like what you wrote about them not in their bedrooms anymore. My kids never left their rooms. I was a bit too late on this one.
Thanks again for the post!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
The toilet seat never did turn up. Not in the trash or anywhere else I looked (and I looked everywhere). He of course woke up the next day, went in to use the bathroom and immediately asked, "Where the eff is the toilet seat?" I think he actually tried to suggest that someone had broken in and stolen it.
Mystery solved. It was the Toilet Seat Bandit.
And wow, I forgot about all the broken glasses. And coffee tables. We probably went through 8 coffee tables in 5 years. Apparently they were just the right size and weight for destroying in a drunken rage. I didn't get a coffee table when I moved in here. I opted for a stylish pair of bright green end tables that caught my eye at the Goodwill.
Mystery solved. It was the Toilet Seat Bandit.
And wow, I forgot about all the broken glasses. And coffee tables. We probably went through 8 coffee tables in 5 years. Apparently they were just the right size and weight for destroying in a drunken rage. I didn't get a coffee table when I moved in here. I opted for a stylish pair of bright green end tables that caught my eye at the Goodwill.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
HA! This whole post was so timely as I was kind of having a pity party today about being a single parent. It is pretty glorious in comparison to living with an active alcoholic. I still long for a typical marriage and family dynamic though.
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