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10 months sober...Getting pressure from AA sponsor

Old 11-10-2015, 08:42 AM
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10 months sober...Getting pressure from AA sponsor

So i'm 10 months sober.

And I've used multiple approaches/methods to get this far. AA being one of them. I have a sponsor and I've been in contact with him daily. I've worked the steps. I've attended meetings, with him and without him.

The steps of AA have helped me get a better understanding of myself. The pressure i'm getting from my sponsor is to get a home group and join their business meetings etc... This is NOT something that i'm used to doing and it causes me anxiety to even think about it.

But he keeps asking...Have you found a group have you joined?...You've got the 1 year coming up you NEED to be part of a group.

I attend meetings, i share and i interact with others. Truth be told i don't want a medallion presentation (for the 1 year sober mark...And YES i will make that mark! No doubt in my mind.

I feel like this is a discussion to have with my sponsor...But i don't want him to feel like i'm not being of service to others. I still attend meetings and i'm doing what i feel is right for MY recovery.

Curious on SR's collective thoughts about this...

Not drinking TODAY no matter what.

Findingtheway
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:00 AM
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this is just my opinion, but here is how I would respond to the situation you're describing;

I would have a face-to-face discussion with my sponsor.... I'd sit down over coffee somewhere in private together and I'd let my sponsor know that I wasn't feeling called to be a part of the business aspect or the specific service roles of the AA program, or to necessarily have a designated "home group" - if that's where I was at.

Personally, I feel an allegiance to one particular meeting and I consider it my "home group". But - I don't do service work in the sense of taking on a meeting chair or going to group conscience meetings, etc. At this point in my life and my membership in the program, that doesn't call to me and I don't feel that's where I'd like to focus my giveback. I DO go and give my time at the detox unit at the hospital, visiting there several times a year to speak and offer support to their group meetings. I don't go to meetings every day or even every week these days, but I do embrace a lot of AA. I haven't worked all of the steps yet, but I am still dwelling in step 4 and from time to time I note something or work on my workbook or at least spend some conscious time looking back on aspects of my life and history in awareness of my step work. I feel I am growing and deepening my sobriety in a lot of ways - and AA is a key part of that which I value and cherish.

All of that said, if I'm not feeling ready, called or particularly motivated to focus on something - I am very honest and clear with my sponsor. Sometimes my sponsor pushes back a bit.... and when he does I pay attention to that, because often he sees something that I don't. Sometimes I'm just not ready for it. If I were to have an honest discussion with my sponsor and he pushed me, I'd seriously dwell on it. I'd tell him "give me a week and let's meet on this again". If he still pushed me after that, I would ask him to respect my readiness. If he still pushed me after that, I would respectfully suggest that I needed a break from our relationship. Sponsors are not bosses or rulers or gods... they are humans, as are we. We need to learn to open our hearts and minds to the guidance of those who have gone successfully before us, but that does not mean following orders or suggestions we are not yet ready for, nor does it mean being pushed or harassed to do so if we've given it honest consideration and respectfully communicated that we're not ready.
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:25 AM
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Finding I would say do what feels right for you bud
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:31 AM
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As SW said, do what feels right to you. If you find AA meetings helpful, but you don't want to be more involved, then that's what you should do. It's your recovery. For me, learning how to say 'No' (and feel okay about it) has been a big deal.
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:34 AM
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At three years sober, I am just now learning that I need to incorporate the Traditions into my life as well as the Steps. I now feel awed by those who incorporate "The Twelve Concepts for World Service" into their daily lives.
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:36 AM
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I don't believe growth is ever comfortable. The problem is if we do not change we stay the same
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Old 11-10-2015, 10:55 AM
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Being of service to others is a key component of the AA program.

Spiritual growth and doing what’s right for your recovery often requires getting out of your comfort zone and doing things with which you initially might feel uncomfortable.

That said, the timeframe or the manner in which you fulfill the service aspect of the program should not be dictated by your sponsor. When sponsors tell their sponsees what they NEED to be doing, they’re overstepping their brief, IMO. There are other ways for you to be of service to humanity than becoming involved with AA business matters.

If it were me, I would have a discussion with my sponsor in which I would acknowledge the need to be of service to others but state that I don’t feel called at this time to fulfill this need by adopting a home group or becoming involved in AA service.

I would try to open my mind and heart to any message that "God" (Good Orderly Direction works for me personally) might have for me on how I could be of better service to others — and then I would take action, even if it was likely to make me feel uncomfortable in the short term.
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Old 11-10-2015, 11:12 AM
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Hi At the end of the day your sponsor means well but !!!! at the end of the day I have learned to take actions of ''my own '' choosing I do things because I want to ,not because someone thinks it is a good idea or even because its expected of me ,at the end of the day when I put my head on the pillow it is better to know that I did whatever I felt/feel was right for me and feel comfortable doing so , I don't care what anyone says if I do ot feel '' comfortable '' then I speak out and say no .

A quote I heard once and it speaks volumes , '' If a man/woman hears a different tune '' then ''let him/her '' march to the tune they hear ''.

And well done on your 10 months ,it is not a race , spiritual progress is what we should strive for , take care .

Regards .

Stevie

Last edited by stevieg46; 11-10-2015 at 11:14 AM. Reason: typo
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Old 11-10-2015, 11:47 AM
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Finding,

I could have written this post, honestly! I am at the 11th month mark and am involved in AA. I have a sponsor who is encouraging me to do the exact same thing! She is pressuring me to get a home group because my 1 year is just around the corner and she wants me to get my medallion and give a speech and all that. I feel I have made tremendous progress this year and am stoked to get my one year but I would like to do it in a little quieter way. I'll still get my medallion and maybe say a few words but I'd like to pass on the pageantry with cake and all the extra stuff. Maybe its just part of my introverted nature to not want to do it that way, maybe next year will be different, I like to keep an open mind, but as of right now I'm just not that into it.

I like the advice here and am glad I came across this post! I suggest doing what really feels right for you man, thats what I'm thinking in my case. There is no 100% right answer and we can't please all people all the time. Learning to say no is something I still need to grow into a little more.
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Old 11-10-2015, 05:31 PM
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Being of service to others is a key component of the AA program.

For me, part of that service is responding to newcomers on this forum.
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Old 11-11-2015, 12:28 AM
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Best wishes with your day today Finding
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