sweets0rrow

i thought this time was different. If anyone else has read by past few threads you can tell how naive I was and even still am. Today i found out that my boyfriend of a year relapsed 3 months ago and has been using H everyday since then. Lying to my face, hes a functioning, charming addict, so you can see how it all fell through the cracks. When i confronted him, he called me untrustworthy, a game addicts like to play "blame on you." The only thing I can be blamed for is loving someone who loves drugs more than they'll ever love me. I'm stuck, i'm lost, the only beacon of light I have is that he's going away to impatient rehab tomorrow, a choice he has made himself. Everything feels heavy on my shoulders. Love is a drug too, probably stronger than all addictions because I can't seem to let him go. I know him as an addict and as a recovering. Both great people, none monsters. But the addict is a facade in my eyes, manipulative and a compulsive liar, willing to do more to make up for what he's covering. How many chances is too much? When will my heart give out? When will I hit rock bottom and realize I deserve better? I feel numb

hopepraylove

when you've had enough, you'll be done. If you'd like to read through my threads...you can...it took me four relapses and three rehab stints...now I look back and I wonder why it took me so much pain and agony. Al anon helped me a lot, it sounds like you could possibly benefit from a CODA meeting as well...don't beat yourself up. We always hope "this time is different," but it so rarely-if ever-is. Heroin is no joke, I'm sure you're aware of this. Arguably the hardest thing to quit.

Please take care of yourself and "stay out of the way" IMO it doesn't sound like he's done with using.

Falseclaimsact

I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. Remember to be nice to yourself!

atalose

i thought this time was different.

Sometimes giving someone another chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time.

One chance turns into two. Two chances turns into to many.

History doesn't repeat itself - people repeat history.

The drug use is just the tip of his iceberg. Remove the drug use and he still is going to have deep rooted issues he must address and deal with (for the rest of his life) so that he doesn’t continue to keep turning to drugs to cope.

You are only a year into this relationship and look at all that has gone on in this short period of time. Is this the kind of life you had always wished you have?

zoso77

Well, it likely won't. But just because your heart won't give out doesn't mean you have to put up with this. As I wrote last month:

And so it goes away. He will do anything to make sure that feeling doesn't go away. He will lie to your face and not blink an eye. He will deflect blame for his choices. And he will continue to do this until he, and he alone, decides enough is enough.

So the only question that matters at this point is whether you're willing to put up with this or not.

overit263

The sooner you get off the ride, the less damage to account for. I will never ever regret ending my marriage after the second relapse. I was done. I'm still kicking myself for letting it ever go even that far. There are things I will never ever get back, but there are plenty of things I escaped with like my sanity, my health, etc.