CurlyGirl1978

My Journal In 2012:

8/9/12 I woke up this morning with an annoying hangover and decided I needed to do some reflecting...First I studied the affects of alcohol on the body and what*all these hangover symptoms are really telling me. I have come to the conclusion that consuming alcohol is taking years off my life as well as holding me back from living my life to the fullest.

8/17/12 This makes day number 10 since I have decided based on evidence that it is no longer a smart thing to drink. I need to remember how good it feels to be sober and that the accomplishments that I want in life cannot be achieved while spending my days drunk and hungover.

8/22/12 It has been 14 days since I have dropped alcohol for good and I am still going strong! I am ready to do this! It seems as if I have replaced liquor for water and so I wake up in a much better mood also. I will be on the watch for things that might trigger a relapse, but I feel I would be so totally disappointed in myself if I did go back to drunken days.

9/2/12 This makes day number 34 for me and I am still going strong! The need for chemical enjoyment*everyday is*a thing in the past. I joined a group of people, Sober Recovery and the support is energetic and uplifting!

9/12/12 I just finished work and am going to go clean the kitchen. I have a 211 beer but I'm just sippin. What can I say, it's a day before an off day...lol Overall, I have accomplished the sobriety thing.........

As you notice, I had no more entries because obviously that one beer eventually turned to Vodka and pulled me away, and I just got back to SR 5 days ago. Let's not forget, it's not just "one drink."

D122y

34 days clean...as we all here know...it is a mental thing....an emotional thing...

FreeOwl

It might begin with "one drink"....

For me, it did on a number of occasions.

I'd go out and have "one drink" and I'd stop.

Then I'd feel better, more comfortable, "see??? NO PROBLEM".

Maybe I'd even do it two or three times. Then one time I'd be all "well, one MORE isn't really a big deal".

Then I'd stop and be like.... "SEE!?!?! Pfft!!! I don't have a problem, I just needed to tone it down".

Then I'd start having "just one or two" a couple times this week.....

Then next week....

Then one day I'd reflect that gee... it's been a lot of drinking lately... but no really big deal still.....

Then one day not long after that, I'd wake up from like the fifth awful blackout wondering "how did this happen"?

It's better off just left alone....

zombob

211? are you kidding? That stuff will rot your guts, brain and everything betwixt! Now, Ask me how I know. Congrats on nearly a week CG!

GhostFace

It always starts with that "one drink." I'm glad that you are aware how alcohol is a toxic substance. I had to do alot of research on alcohol to start to convince myself that all the benefits of drinking are actually illusion. After years of feeding my body toxic waste I decided enough is enough and I no longer need to poison my body.

Hope your recovery works well for you

On The Road

CG welcome back! You're so right. I know that one drink for me is a gateway to hell. Once I accepted this as truth and began making life choices based on this fact, the process of recovery started for me. Booze is no longer an option; I hope you feel the same!

CurlyGirl1978

It's so crazy how that works, it just creeps up on you. I'm willing to bet that the AV is very patient. It will let you get a few days or weeks under your belt, and let you start feeling haughty and all. Then it just walks up like an ever handsome gentleman with a dozen red roses, so innocent!

FreeOwl

Never trust an ever handsome gentleman with a dozen red roses...

CurlyGirl1978

IKR That's always trouble! LOL

Soberwolf

Great job on day 5

zombob

I like that analogy (handsome young gentleman). I've always identified my AV as a Siren--Liltingly calling me into the deep waters--and always after I was smooth-sailing for awhile. Good stuff.

saoutchik

For the likes of us there is no such thing as one drink anymore. Sad but we have to deal with it

Good for you though CurlyGirl for coming back and congratulations on 5 days

Meraviglioso

This made me think of this song. Then, reading the lyrics with that in mind I realized that the song may, in fact, be about alcohol/the AV/addiction. Who knows, I hope not, I think she was 16 or 17 when this song came out. In any case, it is interesting to pay close attention to the lyrics with the AV in mind.



My cat died and I quickly poured myself some gin
Did she die from old age or was it for my sins
God I loved her oh so much
Miss her little kitty touch
Does she miss me does she care
Oh I miss her kitty stare
Do you have a little time
Would you like to ease my mind
Talk for hours and never stop
Chop your head off
Be a lighter person
Brighter person nicer
But you've heard it all before

[chorus]
So ding dong
There's the doorbell hello man in white
He's gonna make you all well
Getcha through the night
But hey now
You don't feel better
As you take your fresh bromide
Maybe this man of letters lied

Let me tell you 'bout a dream I had the other night
You were in it boy you sure gave me a super fright
I was walking down the street
Downtown by the DMV
You popped out behind a door
It was odd you were on all fours
Do you have some time to spare
You were barking at a bear
It said hey you'd better stop
Chop your head off
Be a lighter person
Brighter person
Nicer
But you've heard it all before

[chorus]
So ding dong
There's the doorbell
Hello man in red
He's gonna make you all well
Getcha into bed
But hey now
You don't feel better
As you wake and slowly rise
Maybe this smooth jet-setter lied

[instrumental break]

Stick around one minute more
I'm smarter than you think
Do I sound like an old bore
Oh man it's just the drink
I didn't always hit the gin
There were times when I fit in
They'll never know how much I tried
Did I tell you my cat died
Do you have a little time
Would you like to feel sublime
Run away and never stop
Chop your head off
Be a lighter person
Brighter person
Nicer
But you've heard it all before

[chorus]
So ding dong
There's the doorbell
Hello man in black
He's gonna make you all well
There's no going back
But hey now you don't feel better
As you drift off in the tide
Maybe this jack the ripper lied
And you died

Upwardspiral

OMG, an alcoholic meme!

Curly I've done the cringe inducing journal review too.
Every relapse in the last couple of years was documented by a precipitous drop off in entries. They would always pick back up weeks or months later in a completely different tone. Lost, remorseful, hopeless. At square one.

3 1/2 months of continuous progress in my journal now and I pray there will never be a break in that flow again!

Happy journaling!