Gossip
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 380
Gossip
I hate gossip. I avoid it like the plague. I am not on any social media. I feel it is only a source to be drawn into situations that are NONE of my business. I hold this in both my personal and professional life. I have cut family and friendships out of my life when I felt that was all they were accomplishing.
Throughout our early years of marriage we had to deal with the “x” wife. It was horrible (I’ll just leave it at that). My MIL (rah mother) thrives on getting into everyone’s business with the guise of being “helpful”. I can almost guarantee that if it has not been for my stepson (now 26), I would have been long gone from this relationship 20 years ago. The poor kid had some really messed situations growing up.
Earlier this week rah started in about “xwife” call/emailed “(rah’s) mom” with some such situation about stepson’s girlfriend and yada, yada, yada. I immediately stopped him and said “your mom needs to stay out of it”. Then I caught myself and said “your mom needs to leave you (rah) out of it” then I caught myself again and said – “you know what?, you all need to just leave ME out of it”. Ended the whole conversation and went upstairs to change clothes.
My stepson knows he can come directly to me if he needs anything (and he does). I love him very much but he is now an adult and has the right to live his life and make his own mistakes. I feel that we (I) did good in instilling values in him and he has a good head on his shoulders.
I guess it is still bothering me because I thought about it again this morning (the gossip aspect – not the actual info). I think I did ok in nipping it and I think I made it pretty clear. It just brought back a lot of negative feelings and anxiety of years past.
Throughout our early years of marriage we had to deal with the “x” wife. It was horrible (I’ll just leave it at that). My MIL (rah mother) thrives on getting into everyone’s business with the guise of being “helpful”. I can almost guarantee that if it has not been for my stepson (now 26), I would have been long gone from this relationship 20 years ago. The poor kid had some really messed situations growing up.
Earlier this week rah started in about “xwife” call/emailed “(rah’s) mom” with some such situation about stepson’s girlfriend and yada, yada, yada. I immediately stopped him and said “your mom needs to stay out of it”. Then I caught myself and said “your mom needs to leave you (rah) out of it” then I caught myself again and said – “you know what?, you all need to just leave ME out of it”. Ended the whole conversation and went upstairs to change clothes.
My stepson knows he can come directly to me if he needs anything (and he does). I love him very much but he is now an adult and has the right to live his life and make his own mistakes. I feel that we (I) did good in instilling values in him and he has a good head on his shoulders.
I guess it is still bothering me because I thought about it again this morning (the gossip aspect – not the actual info). I think I did ok in nipping it and I think I made it pretty clear. It just brought back a lot of negative feelings and anxiety of years past.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yeah, I have a hard time dealing with it too. I try to just get up and walk away whenever it starts these days. It seems that wherever people are in groups it's going to happen. I just don't have to participate or listen.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I immediately stopped him and said “your mom needs to stay out of it”. Then I caught myself and said “your mom needs to leave you (rah) out of it” then I caught myself again and said – “you know what?, you all need to just leave ME out of it”.
wow, bravo! you cycled thru that process with amazing speed and accuracy!
wow, bravo! you cycled thru that process with amazing speed and accuracy!
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by Lyssy 
I immediately stopped him and said “your mom needs to stay out of it”. Then I caught myself and said “your mom needs to leave you (rah) out of it” then I caught myself again and said – “you know what?, you all need to just leave ME out of it”.
I think I did ok in nipping it and I think I made it pretty clear. It just brought back a lot of negative feelings and anxiety of years past.
I think I did ok in nipping it and I think I made it pretty clear. It just brought back a lot of negative feelings and anxiety of years past.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 380
Thanks all. I guess this would be a "trigger" for me. Oh how, back in the day, the drama and havoc that it caused and it was all intensified by rah drinking. It just kinda unbalanced and surprised me at the emotions it brought up.
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Lyssy-
I really struggled with some of this toward the begining of the end of my marriage.
My father in law was very sick and my mother in law was trying to protect my exAH. She would tell me stuff, want to talk about it, and then ask me not to tell my husband. It would make me crazy!!!!! I could not win!!!!!
I realized eventually (some time later, after the marriage) that it was about the poor boundaries each of us had.....and the only person's boundaries I could mend was my own. I have been curious to know how I would do it going forward now.....I think you just showed me how I hope I would handle it.
I really struggled with some of this toward the begining of the end of my marriage.
My father in law was very sick and my mother in law was trying to protect my exAH. She would tell me stuff, want to talk about it, and then ask me not to tell my husband. It would make me crazy!!!!! I could not win!!!!!
I realized eventually (some time later, after the marriage) that it was about the poor boundaries each of us had.....and the only person's boundaries I could mend was my own. I have been curious to know how I would do it going forward now.....I think you just showed me how I hope I would handle it.
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