a very peaceful, busy week -- my world has stabilized
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
a very peaceful, busy week -- my world has stabilized
I have a busy week at work and a state/federal review. I thank my HP for providing this, again, so I need to focus on those I'm serving in my job, and taking care of myself in order to do that. The addiction (his -alcohol; mine - fixing others) is no longer my Higher Power.
Prayers welcome for my family and my husband. This Family Disease of Alcoholism continues to progress with him and others. I give them my love, and the compassion to be responsible for themselves and their own actions -- with as much kindness as I have available at whatever given moment, and from my HP when I don't have it in me to give.
I give myself kindness, love and the same compassion... to be responsible for myself and my actions.
As I change, everything changes.
We simply see things differently and, Just for Today, I am letting others have their own viewpoints and experiences.
I do laugh more. Not "in spite of". Simply because this day is beautiful and, today, I'm able to see that. The promises of recovery hold true as much for me as for anyone else! Thank you, to all of you who journey with me, before me, and who come in here next and remind me gently of where I've been changing and how much I owe to all of you. Maybe in time I can find better ways to pay that back. Progress, not perfection.
Cleansing tears when they come, reaching out beyond myself for help, prayer, meditation, and healing. Allowing joy into my life and finding it much more often.
Ktf
Prayers welcome for my family and my husband. This Family Disease of Alcoholism continues to progress with him and others. I give them my love, and the compassion to be responsible for themselves and their own actions -- with as much kindness as I have available at whatever given moment, and from my HP when I don't have it in me to give.
I give myself kindness, love and the same compassion... to be responsible for myself and my actions.
As I change, everything changes.
We simply see things differently and, Just for Today, I am letting others have their own viewpoints and experiences.
I do laugh more. Not "in spite of". Simply because this day is beautiful and, today, I'm able to see that. The promises of recovery hold true as much for me as for anyone else! Thank you, to all of you who journey with me, before me, and who come in here next and remind me gently of where I've been changing and how much I owe to all of you. Maybe in time I can find better ways to pay that back. Progress, not perfection.
Cleansing tears when they come, reaching out beyond myself for help, prayer, meditation, and healing. Allowing joy into my life and finding it much more often.
Ktf
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Progress.... not perfection. So much for letting others have their own viewpoints! I thought I'd learned not to JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain), yet after my local AA meeting tonight I didn't realize I was doing that until after I left! 
A well-intentioned member wanted me to give his number to my husband. That's not part of my program, or a part of letting my husband choose his way. He knows about AA, he has some numbers. Every time I try to "help", it doesn't. It's not my place to be doing that. I'm at the 12 step meetings for me, for my recovery. If someone else interprets my life differently, that's OK! -- I'm trying to get this from my head to my heart.
Instead of a long-winded conversation on both sides, I could have said, "Thank you for caring. I appreciate that." and then "Huh." and move on to a different topic or to talk with someone else.
He is of the viewpoint, on his side of sobriety, that what I really need is for my husband to be sober. That actually gives me a chuckle today, because my problem really isn't my husband... my biggest problem is within myself. And being sober isn't the same as being in recovery. We each have our own path and it is not my place to be directing my husband's life. I've directed my husband to sobriety and rehab more than once. That "solution" isn't one that has ever worked for us. He'll find his way, or he won't.
I'm so very grateful to be finding my way.
Heard so many good things tonight, that I needed to hear in ways that apply to myself. I'll keep working my program, and try to keep my own side of road clean, ESPECIALLY at AA meetings!
Looking at my motives, my intentions, my recovery. Sometimes it's okay for me to take an action that involves my husband. Passing on this number, in our situation, this day, was not healthy for me.
A well-intentioned member wanted me to give his number to my husband. That's not part of my program, or a part of letting my husband choose his way. He knows about AA, he has some numbers. Every time I try to "help", it doesn't. It's not my place to be doing that. I'm at the 12 step meetings for me, for my recovery. If someone else interprets my life differently, that's OK! -- I'm trying to get this from my head to my heart.
Instead of a long-winded conversation on both sides, I could have said, "Thank you for caring. I appreciate that." and then "Huh." and move on to a different topic or to talk with someone else.
He is of the viewpoint, on his side of sobriety, that what I really need is for my husband to be sober. That actually gives me a chuckle today, because my problem really isn't my husband... my biggest problem is within myself. And being sober isn't the same as being in recovery. We each have our own path and it is not my place to be directing my husband's life. I've directed my husband to sobriety and rehab more than once. That "solution" isn't one that has ever worked for us. He'll find his way, or he won't.
I'm so very grateful to be finding my way.
Heard so many good things tonight, that I needed to hear in ways that apply to myself. I'll keep working my program, and try to keep my own side of road clean, ESPECIALLY at AA meetings!
Looking at my motives, my intentions, my recovery. Sometimes it's okay for me to take an action that involves my husband. Passing on this number, in our situation, this day, was not healthy for me.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Thanks for letting me vent. It wasn't the offer of his number. He was insistent that I give it to my husband, and that I wouldn't really be okay unless my husband sobers up.
I'll be back at that meeting again. Planning to first eat a good dinner, relax, play with DS8, and be spiritually fit -- then, perhaps, I won't be needing to make amends after the meeting.
I'll be back at that meeting again. Planning to first eat a good dinner, relax, play with DS8, and be spiritually fit -- then, perhaps, I won't be needing to make amends after the meeting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I've been reading that the root of ALL addiction is codependency. Your AA friend sounds codie 
Cause I could see myself doing that a couple years back.
At the Alanon meeting in my town, I felt pressured to NOT leave ABF for a year and remember thinking - WHAT?! I came here to get strength to leave!
Everybody knows what's best for us....and its good to see us getting to a place where we can figure out what's best for ourselves, and no one else.
Big High Five KTF!
Cause I could see myself doing that a couple years back. At the Alanon meeting in my town, I felt pressured to NOT leave ABF for a year and remember thinking - WHAT?! I came here to get strength to leave!
Everybody knows what's best for us....and its good to see us getting to a place where we can figure out what's best for ourselves, and no one else.
Big High Five KTF!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
It's so easy to get caught up JADEing without realizing you're even doing it sometimes, isn't it? Sometimes I think, this person just isn't hearing me clearly? Wait, no. They don't WANT to hear me, lol.
Progress is phenomenal, that's ALL we can ask for on any given day, right?! (((((Big Hugs))))))) to you!
Progress is phenomenal, that's ALL we can ask for on any given day, right?! (((((Big Hugs))))))) to you!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
And the flip side of that... am I even listening to the other person when I'm trying so hard to be heard? Why am I trying so hard to be heard?
Today I'm very thankful for that interaction. Better person to learn these things with so I can carry that lesson into other parts of my life, including interactions with my husband and family!
Today I'm very thankful for that interaction. Better person to learn these things with so I can carry that lesson into other parts of my life, including interactions with my husband and family!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
He is of the viewpoint, on his side of sobriety, that what I really need is for my husband to be sober. That actually gives me a chuckle today, because my problem really isn't my husband... my biggest problem is within myself. And being sober isn't the same as being in recovery. We each have our own path and it is not my place to be directing my husband's life. I've directed my husband to sobriety and rehab more than once. That "solution" isn't one that has ever worked for us. He'll find his way, or he won't.
Now THAT ^^^^ is some awesome recovery.
Now THAT ^^^^ is some awesome recovery.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
