Dim

reaching out because I'm terrified that I may have done permanent damage to my brain. yesterday I'm ER my blood work came back ok, liver, kidneys and pancreas all came back normal ( very surprising) and I know that this isn't the forum for medical advice but I'm hoping someone can share their experiences and give me some potential reassurance that I haven't completely destroyed my brain from my frequent binges. any advice as always is absolutely appreciated.
lots of love
Dim

Nonsensical

Why do you think you have permanent brain damage?

Dim

Because of the frequent binges that I've had. I know that the lack of thiamine in the brain can cause damage and I'm terrified that I may have done that already. looking for some advice and reassurance please.

Nonsensical

You seem to be fretting over nothing, but perhaps there is more to the story than you have posted thus far.

Do you have some symptoms? Did you ask your doctor when you went for the blood work? What would you do differently if you discover you have brain damage? How will it impact your life? Are you currently not functioning in some particular way?

Fly N Buy

I drank for many years. When I quit, around 6 months the fog lifted. All brain activity improved for me - long and short term, reasoning / judgement etc. It take time. At 17 months (today) it gets better and better. It was suggested by friends I try not to have abstract thoughts for awhile as our brains can't handle them in new recovery. Keep it simple.......

The advice I would share is stop with worrying - it's counterproductive. Don't drink and work a program/plan.

" I've lived through some terrible things in my life - some of which actually happened."

Dee74

Hi Dim

I think it's a good rule of thumb to suggest if you can manage to past here coherently that things are probably not too bad brain wise.

Of course the only way you can really know for sure (as well as all the other damage you're worried about) is to see your Dr., explain your fears, and get a full checkup

in my experience, the brain is a remarkable organ. I've had some stroke experience. I drank all day every day for several years, after some decades of binge drinking.

It took several years for me to feel that my faculties were back up to scratch, but it did come back.

The best thing you can do now to avoid any further concern or damage is not drink again

D

SDH73

I was a binge drinker too. I didn't realize how bad my brain had gotten from the drinking because it happened so slowly, but at this time last year I was perpetually on auto-pilot and often zombie-like just trying to get through the day.

I've had a couple of good runs at sobriety before now, 4 months and 3 months with one 4 day binge in-between. After that binge I realized how far I had come in those 4 months sober. I was again mentally sluggish and not at all present. It was a window into my past showing me how I'd been living every day of my life for the last 10 years or so. Thing is, I wasn't wholly aware of the progress I'd been making because, again, it happened so slowly.

Give yourself some good time away from the drink to see some progress. It will get better. My memory, communication skills, motor skills, problem solving skills all improved over that first 4 months. But it took THE WHOLE 4 MONTHS. Not a total of 4 months over the course of a year gathered up in bits of days and weeks at a time, but consecutively.

And of course, if you're really concerned it's always good to see a doctor about it. But either way, staying away from the drink is the first course of action.

Best wishes

*edit to say, 4 months is not some magic number. that was just my own experience after 4 months. my guess is that I would have continued to improve well beyond that.

Soberwolf

Best wishes Dim

Dim

I find I can strong a sentence together quite well, my motor functions are decent however I'm only 1 day sober. I'm just praying that I can make a full recovery from this terrible disease. I'm certainly done drinking and will do everything I can to remain sober. I just want my life back and my full potential to come back to before I destroyed myself from this disgusting disease.

PurpleKnight

The brain, not as commonly known as the liver, can repair neurones with longterm abstinence!!

The body is a fantastic piece of kit!!

Dim

thankyou so much for the words of encouragement. I'd be lost without this forum.

Anna

Dim, it sounds like your health is good and you sound committed to recovery. That's a good place to be and we are always here for you.

LexieCat

I'm convinced I have slight cognitive deficits as a result of drinking (hard to tell, I'm also at that age where we naturally slow down a bit). Nothing too serious, nothing I can't live with. I'm more forgetful, more easily distracted, find it harder to concentrate for long.

I compensate for it. I write a lot of notes to myself, allow more time for projects that require lots of concentration, etc.

If you're thinking and functioning and, as Dee said, posting here, you most likely haven't hurt yourself too badly. The brain also recovers a lot of function even after dire events like strokes or cerebral hemorrhages. There are multiple neural pathways and when one doesn't work, the brain creates new ones. If it turns out you DO have some lingering effects, there are workarounds, as I mentioned. Chances are, though, that you will be fine.

LBrain

yes, the brain amazingly can undo the harm we did to ourselves.

But to be sure, it only does so when we give it the chance. And the only chance it has is never drink again. Even after a year, if we start drinking again the brain will default back to where it was before we quit.

wpainterw

I was worried about that myself when I was in a rehab 27 years ago. Got sober and then published a two volume treatise. There is usually a physiological effect on the brain and other neurology, I understand that this includes a dulling of the cerebral cortex and changes in the neuron receptors. Years of sobriety usually reverse these changes as the brain gradually reverts back to its normal state. At least this was so for me. Now I'm 88 and have some memory loss, largely short term. Long term memory appears quite good. This is unfortunate for bad memories so I tend to focus on the present and take a "glass half full or better" view to the future. Am grateful that I have been able to live so long. It's not how long you live but how you live, what you do for others-that is what you can do.

Dim

Thank you again for the words of encouragement and hope. I have a lot of work to do and many amends to make. I won't be a stranger around here because it seems like an incredible network of support.
thanks again.
Dim

Dim

One more question if anyone can lend support that's been in a similar situation. I'm on the verge of losing my partner. I was so drunk out of my head that I dare not even repeat the abusive and disgusting things that I said to her. I blamed everything on her, I told her it was all her fault that I relapsed and looked for any excuse to justify my behaviour. Now that I'm sober, albeit it's only been 2 days all I can feel is regret and remorse for the way I acted because she deserves nothing less than a gentleman that treats her like a princess. has anybody been in a similar situation that can offer advice on how to make amends. I can't bear the thought of losing her and feel wish I could have the opportunity to show her this isn't who I really am.
Thanks again.

Dee74

Unfortunately Dim there's not a lot you can do but be the real you - the genuine, non abusive, not out of control, sober, you.

Time is a great healer - especially when we stop talking about change and starting simply showing it.

I hope you've pulled up in time and that your relationship will last

D

Dim

Thank you Dee. I'm so committed to showing the change regardless of the whether I'm given the opportunity or not. I pray however that I am given that chance.
Thanks again
Dim

fantail

When it comes to people we love, Dim, unfortunately we have to be patient... apologizing and promising only goes so far. They need to see us living as better people, day in and day out, for a while before they trust us again. In AA I've heard people call it "living my amends" and that's been a big help for me to remind myself of.

It happened quicker than I expected it to though. I'm 4 months sober today and my friends and family trust me again. If I relapsed that would all go away, but they've seen me now as opposed to then and they really understand now how the alcohol changes me. As long as I'm sober I'm trusted.

As an aside... what you describe is totally normal. I spent my first month crying over all of the stupid and irresponsible things I'd done while drinking. It's a terrible thing to "wake up" to those realities just as our body is going haywire with anxiety. I cried harder than I think I ever have.

Hang in there. Both the mind clearing and the relationship, those things take time to fix. At 4 months it's still very much an ongoing process and I expect it to be for another year or more. But I'm already so much better off than I was that I can't even fathom how I managed to live like that for years. I would take this long transition over going back there, it's hard but at least it's got purpose.

Good luck. You've made the right choice.