My wild children- a little O/T
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
My wild children- a little O/T
My boys are ages two and three (four next month). They are… spirited, and crazy active, and funny, so much fun. But they are pretty difficult for me to take out in public when I’m by myself. When one goes one way, and the other goes the opposite, or has to go potty… or whatever, it feels pretty necessary to have another adult with me… And when AH was sober, he was pretty nice to have around in times like these.
But I took them to a birthday party yesterday, by myself, a second birthday party for a boy that goes to their day care. I don’t know the parents well, or really anybody else that was at the party…. It was kind of a disaster, and really embarrassing.
They were the kids who were trying to open the birthday boy’s presents, and play with all his toys before he got to, and stick their fingers in the frosting of the cake, and a bunch of other things, that would have been kind of cute to ME, if we were at home, because I’m their mother, but that were definitely not cute to other people.
For the most part it was manageable, until we had to leave, and I got for my oldest, “NO MOMMY! I’M NOT READY… YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME MOMMY! JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES!”
And from my youngest I got a few party-stopping, blood-curdling screams…
The birthday boy’s grandmother had to carry one out to the car for me while I carried the other.
I’ve been in similar situations with them before, but this was the worst… and in the past, I have always gotten looks of sympathy and understanding from the other parents… this time I just felt judged… maybe it was in my head, I don’t know.
When we got home, I had to lock myself in the bathroom and have a little meltdown of my own. I feel so much anger at AH, that I’m all on my own now for this stuff… Don’t get me wrong… I know it’s better to have it this way than to have to deal with him, but this is really hard.
Definitely taking my mom with me next time we go to a birthday party (that is, if we are ever invited to another one)
I feel horribly guilty that my children have had to go through all this AH drama… for their whole lives… I tried my best to keep things “normal” for them, but I know they’ve been affected by all of it, and I wonder how things would be different for them, how they would be different, had they not had this drama in their young lives.
And I know this transition of AH moving out is all confusing to them. I’ve tried to be age-appropriately open and honest with them about all of it… but they’re still little…
AH’s brother (who he is staying with right now) came over last night to get some of his things. BIL said AH’s drinking is causing problems in his home already, and he hopes he’s able to find a place soon. I wanted to ask him more questions, but I didn’t.
I’ve not heard anything from AH... which is surprising and not surprising... and relieving, but also kind of heartbreaking
Thanks for reading
But I took them to a birthday party yesterday, by myself, a second birthday party for a boy that goes to their day care. I don’t know the parents well, or really anybody else that was at the party…. It was kind of a disaster, and really embarrassing.
They were the kids who were trying to open the birthday boy’s presents, and play with all his toys before he got to, and stick their fingers in the frosting of the cake, and a bunch of other things, that would have been kind of cute to ME, if we were at home, because I’m their mother, but that were definitely not cute to other people.
For the most part it was manageable, until we had to leave, and I got for my oldest, “NO MOMMY! I’M NOT READY… YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME MOMMY! JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES!”
And from my youngest I got a few party-stopping, blood-curdling screams…
The birthday boy’s grandmother had to carry one out to the car for me while I carried the other.
I’ve been in similar situations with them before, but this was the worst… and in the past, I have always gotten looks of sympathy and understanding from the other parents… this time I just felt judged… maybe it was in my head, I don’t know.
When we got home, I had to lock myself in the bathroom and have a little meltdown of my own. I feel so much anger at AH, that I’m all on my own now for this stuff… Don’t get me wrong… I know it’s better to have it this way than to have to deal with him, but this is really hard.
Definitely taking my mom with me next time we go to a birthday party (that is, if we are ever invited to another one)
I feel horribly guilty that my children have had to go through all this AH drama… for their whole lives… I tried my best to keep things “normal” for them, but I know they’ve been affected by all of it, and I wonder how things would be different for them, how they would be different, had they not had this drama in their young lives.
And I know this transition of AH moving out is all confusing to them. I’ve tried to be age-appropriately open and honest with them about all of it… but they’re still little…
AH’s brother (who he is staying with right now) came over last night to get some of his things. BIL said AH’s drinking is causing problems in his home already, and he hopes he’s able to find a place soon. I wanted to ask him more questions, but I didn’t.
I’ve not heard anything from AH... which is surprising and not surprising... and relieving, but also kind of heartbreaking
Thanks for reading
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: New England
Posts: 68
Two boys at the ages of yours are a handful even with a hands on functional dad. Even though they are little we all know that our home lives affect them in ways.
((hugs)) and to heck with anyone who judges you (even if it's only perceived by you and not real). Sometimes I think judgment comes from people who see things that hit to close to home or who are also hiding behind their secrets. Shining the lights on other people's issues makes them feel better about their own.
Someday you'll probably tell them this story with laughter...especially when they are dealing with their own rambunctious boys and you're grandma.
((hugs)) and to heck with anyone who judges you (even if it's only perceived by you and not real). Sometimes I think judgment comes from people who see things that hit to close to home or who are also hiding behind their secrets. Shining the lights on other people's issues makes them feel better about their own.
Someday you'll probably tell them this story with laughter...especially when they are dealing with their own rambunctious boys and you're grandma.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
The almost-4 is old enough to START thinking about other people (the younger one won't be ready for a while but will start to copy his brother).
You can talk about how it's the birthday child's special day and we have to make sure they feel SPECIAL, and one of the ways we do that is to behave politely. Which means no screaming, no sticking fingers in the cake, no grabbing their presents.
He won't get it at first, but it's the repetition and reinforcement that's important. And you can add that he can set an example for his little brother, who will want to be just like him (a little flattery can also help).
Hugs, I'm sorry it was difficult. Most parents have been there at one time or another. Maybe you could also set a boundary with him before the next party (and there will be one) that you are only staying as long as they behave. That doesn't mean you need to leave at the first misstep, but if it seems headed for a full-blown disaster, you can politely tell the host that they don't seem to be in party mode, and take them home.
Parenting little kids is tough under the best of circumstances. Kids behave this way sometimes even without all the turmoil going on at home. It will get better.
You can talk about how it's the birthday child's special day and we have to make sure they feel SPECIAL, and one of the ways we do that is to behave politely. Which means no screaming, no sticking fingers in the cake, no grabbing their presents.
He won't get it at first, but it's the repetition and reinforcement that's important. And you can add that he can set an example for his little brother, who will want to be just like him (a little flattery can also help).
Hugs, I'm sorry it was difficult. Most parents have been there at one time or another. Maybe you could also set a boundary with him before the next party (and there will be one) that you are only staying as long as they behave. That doesn't mean you need to leave at the first misstep, but if it seems headed for a full-blown disaster, you can politely tell the host that they don't seem to be in party mode, and take them home.
Parenting little kids is tough under the best of circumstances. Kids behave this way sometimes even without all the turmoil going on at home. It will get better.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 71
Kboys I have a 4 year old little girl who does exactly this also I have often had to carry her out of places kicking and screaming as the more I tell her to behave the worse she gets and if anyone laughs at what she is doing she gets worse! We even had a little tantrum on her second day in school and I remember walking out of the school in tears and wanting to shake AH but all is good now and she is starting to settle. I also felt guilty over all of the drama that went on at home it's such a change for them also. But they are so young and please god won't remember much of it. Hugs to you it's not easy .
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
For reasons they can't comprehend, their home life has experienced a big change. Now, you know it's for the better, but at their age all they see is change and most young children like stability as in same-same even if on an adult level lunacy abounded. At their ages they're too young to understand and articulate what's bothering them and the frustration has to be vented somehow. I'm not excusing their behavior and I'm sure it was stressful for you at the party, especially since you didn't have a strong relationship with either the host family or the parents attending, but don't worry about it. EVERY parent has been through something similar.
One such personal experience was when we had to take a 3-3.5 hour flight to a family wedding when my daughter was about 9 months old. She's 23 now and my wife and I still vividly remember the utter futility we experienced as we were THOSE parents on the plane who had a kid who cried almost the entire flight. I did feel for the rest of the travelers, but there was nothing we could do. We received looks of disdain from some, but also looks of compassion and suggestions meant to help from others.
One such personal experience was when we had to take a 3-3.5 hour flight to a family wedding when my daughter was about 9 months old. She's 23 now and my wife and I still vividly remember the utter futility we experienced as we were THOSE parents on the plane who had a kid who cried almost the entire flight. I did feel for the rest of the travelers, but there was nothing we could do. We received looks of disdain from some, but also looks of compassion and suggestions meant to help from others.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
My eldest son was my biggest handful. He even bit the minister's child in Vacation Bible School. ("But mommy, I was being a lion!") He is almost 20 now, attending and thriving in a very prestigious university. He is utterly delightful, albeit pretty headstrong and independent. This too shall pass, but as a mother of four, I can tell you that CONSISTENCY by you, when you say what the consequences are going to be and then CONSISTENTLY following through, is key. My kids never had a doubt that if I threatened that we were going to leave a fun venue if they were misbehaving or they weren't going to get a dessert, etc. etc., that I was going to follow through. Mommy, some day you will laugh at this, but parenting is hard and I imagine single parenting is doubly hard!!
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