Family Celebrations
Formerly Ringthedoorbell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 402
Family Celebrations
I have been a member of SR since June 1st. I slipped up briefly and my sober date is June 8th. I've been very diligent and am on the SR site many times a day. I've come close to having some wine a few times, but have managed to talk myself out of the idea. But, I have certainly had many discussions with my husband about whether to drink a little, here and there, at parties, the holidays, etc. I have never really told him of my concerns that I was drinking too much; he thinks I stopped to help with weight loss. (BTW, STILL FAT! :-).
I am finding my self envisioning Christmas Eve and joining in on drinking champagne like our family usually does. I think I can do it for one evening and stop, as I don't keep any wine in the house, so wouldn't be tempted after that. I know from reading so many post here, that I am asking for trouble. Yet, I continue to think I can drink for one night. Crazy, huh?
I guess I am just venting here, as I know what is the right thing to do....
Just wonder how everyone else gets through special times when your family gathers and celebrates. I haven't said outright that I was drinking too much, and I don't think my family suspects that I have a problem, and I'd like to keep it that way. I know that may seem odd to some of you, but that's what works for me...
I'll end this by thanking all of you for helping me on this journey. I don't post much, so I am pretty much unknown to most of you, but I follow you all...and share the pain of your struggles and rejoice in your victories.
I am finding my self envisioning Christmas Eve and joining in on drinking champagne like our family usually does. I think I can do it for one evening and stop, as I don't keep any wine in the house, so wouldn't be tempted after that. I know from reading so many post here, that I am asking for trouble. Yet, I continue to think I can drink for one night. Crazy, huh?
I guess I am just venting here, as I know what is the right thing to do....
Just wonder how everyone else gets through special times when your family gathers and celebrates. I haven't said outright that I was drinking too much, and I don't think my family suspects that I have a problem, and I'd like to keep it that way. I know that may seem odd to some of you, but that's what works for me...
I'll end this by thanking all of you for helping me on this journey. I don't post much, so I am pretty much unknown to most of you, but I follow you all...and share the pain of your struggles and rejoice in your victories.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 120
If you're anything like most of us, having that champagne would be a huge mistake. One of the lies our AV tells us is that it's alright to just have one. But how many times have we told ourselves that we could control our drinking, only to have it blow up in our faces? I'm also struggling with what I'm going to do with family get togethers. My extended family drinks all the time when we're together. Luckily, my dad has been sober for 27 years, so at least someone understands. One of the major reasons I drank alcohol was to help ease my social anxiety, so family get togethers are going to be brutal. I guess I'll have to get used to my anxious, awkward self!
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Take the advice of just about everyone here, moderating or having an occasional drink does not turn out well. In no time you'll be right back to where you started from. Get that thought out of your head right now! Most likely no one will notice you're not drinking. If anyone pries simply tell them you don't drink anyone, or if you're not comfortable with that tell them your on a med.where you can't drink alcohol.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
rtdb
Your sentiments make you a valuable member of this community, thanks for being one.
I hope you don't take this 'the wrong way', but... outside of the context of a recovery forum, how would discussing a single glass of wine months in future, look? I suggest this is the AV trying to override your more rational side.
"here and there" , 'being able to handle " are not rational reasons to pick up a drink, if evidence of a problem exists, yes?
We have two choices: choose to drink with all the consequences seen and not, or choose to be free of the consequences.That's it, to be blunt ,debating with or negotiating with addiction will always be a victory for addiction, don't give it an inch. Or do and be prepared for the miles it will take. So don't, if family or friends realize you no longer drink , then that is what they are going to realize, having the ability (or thinking you may)to indulge just in order to protect the unchangable past can only jeopardize your future. It's an unhealthy risk and a bargain from a known liar.
wish you well
Your sentiments make you a valuable member of this community, thanks for being one.
I hope you don't take this 'the wrong way', but... outside of the context of a recovery forum, how would discussing a single glass of wine months in future, look? I suggest this is the AV trying to override your more rational side.
"here and there" , 'being able to handle " are not rational reasons to pick up a drink, if evidence of a problem exists, yes?
We have two choices: choose to drink with all the consequences seen and not, or choose to be free of the consequences.That's it, to be blunt ,debating with or negotiating with addiction will always be a victory for addiction, don't give it an inch. Or do and be prepared for the miles it will take. So don't, if family or friends realize you no longer drink , then that is what they are going to realize, having the ability (or thinking you may)to indulge just in order to protect the unchangable past can only jeopardize your future. It's an unhealthy risk and a bargain from a known liar.
wish you well
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
My family doesn't drink so I guess I have it easy. My grandfather and grandmother quit a long time ago so when their 50th wedding anniversary came around the guests toasted, they didn't. My grandfather glared at my grandmother when she wistfully looked at the bubbly.
You don't have to drink, no matter the occasion. Maybe pick up a bottle of bubbly apple cider or pear? Non alcoholic. That's what we use now to toast and celebrate.
Our AV likes to tell us that just one won't hurt us. That just one will be OK. If you're like me, it never is just one. And honestly, I hated just one. That icky skin crawling feeling that I got when the buzz from just one was wearing off. Oh, that's a disgusting feeling and why I always went full bore.
Find a different way.
You don't have to drink, no matter the occasion. Maybe pick up a bottle of bubbly apple cider or pear? Non alcoholic. That's what we use now to toast and celebrate.
Our AV likes to tell us that just one won't hurt us. That just one will be OK. If you're like me, it never is just one. And honestly, I hated just one. That icky skin crawling feeling that I got when the buzz from just one was wearing off. Oh, that's a disgusting feeling and why I always went full bore.
Find a different way.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi Ringthedoorbell,
Honesty with ourselves is one of the cornerstones of my sober journey that I share with many here, and I am sure you do too, by evidence of your posting.
One glass of champagne may as well be a trough of champagne - it will never be enough, or 'just one glass' or night. Trying to elegantly hold and sip from a trough is the imagery that comes to my mind when I envision drinking during the holidays. It just cannot be done.
Last holiday I had to line up mini activities for myself. Half hour walk in the early evening. Finding and reading a poem out loud. Stoking the fire. Slowly wrapping presents. NO alcohol. The night passes and you wake up clear headed.
Glad you posted Ringthedoorbell. By the way, is there a story behind your username?
Honesty with ourselves is one of the cornerstones of my sober journey that I share with many here, and I am sure you do too, by evidence of your posting.
One glass of champagne may as well be a trough of champagne - it will never be enough, or 'just one glass' or night. Trying to elegantly hold and sip from a trough is the imagery that comes to my mind when I envision drinking during the holidays. It just cannot be done.
Last holiday I had to line up mini activities for myself. Half hour walk in the early evening. Finding and reading a poem out loud. Stoking the fire. Slowly wrapping presents. NO alcohol. The night passes and you wake up clear headed.
Glad you posted Ringthedoorbell. By the way, is there a story behind your username?
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Hi Ringthedoorbell, My sober date is January 1, 2015 so this will be my first sober Christmas season.
I am firmly committed to never drinking again. But, nonetheless, I am giving a lot of thought to the upcoming season. I do not want to be caught unawares by my stupid AV
.
What I am envisioning is me NOT drinking and by not drinking I won't open up the bottomless crater of craving.
One celebratory drink would not cut it for me. If it did, I would not have had reason to be a member of this fine community.
I hope you choose to NOT drink and instead, keep adding to your sober days. There will be nothing to regret the next day and every reason to be proud of yourself.
I am firmly committed to never drinking again. But, nonetheless, I am giving a lot of thought to the upcoming season. I do not want to be caught unawares by my stupid AV
. What I am envisioning is me NOT drinking and by not drinking I won't open up the bottomless crater of craving.
One celebratory drink would not cut it for me. If it did, I would not have had reason to be a member of this fine community.
I hope you choose to NOT drink and instead, keep adding to your sober days. There will be nothing to regret the next day and every reason to be proud of yourself.
Formerly Ringthedoorbell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 402
[QUOTE=Verte;5636100]Hi Ringthedoorbell,
Honesty with ourselves is one of the cornerstones of my sober journey that I share with many here, and I am sure you do too, by evidence of your posting.
One glass of champagne may as well be a trough of champagne - it will never be enough, or 'just one glass' or night. Trying to elegantly hold and sip from a trough is the imagery that comes to my mind when I envision drinking during the holidays. It just cannot be done.
Last holiday I had to line up mini activities for myself. Half hour walk in the early evening. Finding and reading a poem out loud. Stoking the fire. Slowly wrapping presents. NO alcohol. The night passes and you wake up clear headed.
Glad you posted Ringthedoorbell. By the way, is there a story behind your username?
Hi Verte, not much of a story as far as my user name goes... When I was joining SR, every name I choose was rejected! I got tired of trying, looked up and saw the doorbell thingy that is inside the house and said to heck with it! I beg no one has doorbell! Don't even know why I added "ring the"!
I don't really like the name, it's too long and kinda' dumb, but I'm too lazy to change it!
Thank all of you for your replies...I am taking them to heart..
Honesty with ourselves is one of the cornerstones of my sober journey that I share with many here, and I am sure you do too, by evidence of your posting.
One glass of champagne may as well be a trough of champagne - it will never be enough, or 'just one glass' or night. Trying to elegantly hold and sip from a trough is the imagery that comes to my mind when I envision drinking during the holidays. It just cannot be done.
Last holiday I had to line up mini activities for myself. Half hour walk in the early evening. Finding and reading a poem out loud. Stoking the fire. Slowly wrapping presents. NO alcohol. The night passes and you wake up clear headed.
Glad you posted Ringthedoorbell. By the way, is there a story behind your username?
Hi Verte, not much of a story as far as my user name goes... When I was joining SR, every name I choose was rejected! I got tired of trying, looked up and saw the doorbell thingy that is inside the house and said to heck with it! I beg no one has doorbell! Don't even know why I added "ring the"!
I don't really like the name, it's too long and kinda' dumb, but I'm too lazy to change it!
Thank all of you for your replies...I am taking them to heart..
Formerly Ringthedoorbell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 402
Hi Soberwolf,
I guess my plan is evolving. ILike the suggestion made to have sparkling grape juice, just hope it doesn't prompt too many questions.... It's a work in progress, but I know I definitely need a plan to make it through the holidays.
I guess my plan is evolving. ILike the suggestion made to have sparkling grape juice, just hope it doesn't prompt too many questions.... It's a work in progress, but I know I definitely need a plan to make it through the holidays.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 64
Verte, I LOVE this: One glass of champagne may as well be a trough of champagne - it will never be enough, or 'just one glass' or night. Trying to elegantly hold and sip from a trough is the imagery that comes to my mind when I envision drinking during the holidays. It just cannot be done.
It sounds to me like you are leaving an escape hatch, by not telling your husband, thinking "one won't hurt," "everyone is expecting it," etc. I know because I did that too, until very recently.
It sounds to me like you are leaving an escape hatch, by not telling your husband, thinking "one won't hurt," "everyone is expecting it," etc. I know because I did that too, until very recently.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Originally Posted by Ringthedoorbell 
Don't even know why I added "ring the"!
I don't really like the name, it's too long and kinda' dumb, but I'm too lazy to change it!
I don't really like the name, it's too long and kinda' dumb, but I'm too lazy to change it!
One thing I'm finding useful for combating those "a little bit won't hurt" thoughts is remembering that I don't actually enjoy the experience of being drunk anyway. I think this is one of the biggest cons of the AV - trying to persuade us we would have a better time if we had a couple. I'm realising more and more that this is a crock. It just makes it more difficult to converse and connect with people. My memory of the supposedly 'good time' is foggy at best, and I feel seedy the next day. Any way I look at it it's not a good deal.
RTDB - you have done *so* well. This has been (I would guess) the toughest year of your life emotionally. Your strength is inspiring (((hugs)))
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Some good advice here already.
That one night thing led me into several more years drinking so yeah - it's an AV lie.
If we could control our drinking and turn it on and off we wouldn't be here on SR
I've had several sober Christmasses now - I've enjoyed every one...I can't say the same for drunken Christmasses when I passed out, got sick, embarrassed myself...
I enjoy being physically and emotionally 'there' now.
If you're worried about the logistics of staying sober, this is a good link to read....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html
If you're not going to tell people why you're not drinking (and that is your choice) be prepared to say no thanks to a drink but ask for a juice or a soda instead.
No is a complete sentence
you could also do what I did the first year and not do the family Christmas at all. It was a really small, but meaningful, Xmas that year
D
That one night thing led me into several more years drinking so yeah - it's an AV lie.
If we could control our drinking and turn it on and off we wouldn't be here on SR
I've had several sober Christmasses now - I've enjoyed every one...I can't say the same for drunken Christmasses when I passed out, got sick, embarrassed myself...
I enjoy being physically and emotionally 'there' now.
If you're worried about the logistics of staying sober, this is a good link to read....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html
If you're not going to tell people why you're not drinking (and that is your choice) be prepared to say no thanks to a drink but ask for a juice or a soda instead.
No is a complete sentence
you could also do what I did the first year and not do the family Christmas at all. It was a really small, but meaningful, Xmas that year
D
Formerly Ringthedoorbell
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 402
Thank you Shabby. I feel as if I know you because of Cow's thread... :-)
You are quite right, I've dealt with some major heartbreak and loss in the last year or so. It really makes me proud to have done as well as I have considering my emotional state. I just finally realized that drinking more and more wine was not going to help anything or bring my Son back..
Life is short; hold your loved ones close. Thank you for the kind words.
You are quite right, I've dealt with some major heartbreak and loss in the last year or so. It really makes me proud to have done as well as I have considering my emotional state. I just finally realized that drinking more and more wine was not going to help anything or bring my Son back..
Life is short; hold your loved ones close. Thank you for the kind words.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Ring, I am sorry that this has been one of your toughest years yet. I will read up on your story when I have time tonight. In the meantime, hugs.
No, wine never makes anything better. Alcohol will take every last bit, fume, of anything we have remaining...especially when we think we have nothing left. Alcohol keeps taking. But we need not give our power away.
FearlessChase, everything I know, I learned from those on SR.
The one important lesson I learned first hand last year during the holiday season is how essential it is to stay "plugged into" SR, no matter the situation. The phone app is really useful.
The toughest moment I had last year was when things turned entirely too serious in real life and I desperately needed a good belly laugh with SR friends but could not get to my computer. This season, my tools will be fully charged and ready!
Thanks for posting, Ringthedoorbell.
No, wine never makes anything better. Alcohol will take every last bit, fume, of anything we have remaining...especially when we think we have nothing left. Alcohol keeps taking. But we need not give our power away.
FearlessChase, everything I know, I learned from those on SR.
The one important lesson I learned first hand last year during the holiday season is how essential it is to stay "plugged into" SR, no matter the situation. The phone app is really useful. The toughest moment I had last year was when things turned entirely too serious in real life and I desperately needed a good belly laugh with SR friends but could not get to my computer. This season, my tools will be fully charged and ready!
Thanks for posting, Ringthedoorbell.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 258
Originally Posted by Dee74
Some good advice here already.
That one night thing led me into several more years drinking so yeah - it's an AV lie.
If we could control our drinking and turn it on and off we wouldn't be here on SR
I've had several sober Christmasses now - I've enjoyed every one...I can't say the same for drunken Christmasses when I passed out, got sick, embarrassed myself...
I enjoy being physically and emotionally 'there' now.
If you're worried about the logistics of staying sober, this is a good link to read....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html
If you're not going to tell people why you're not drinking (and that is your choice) be prepared to say no thanks to a drink but ask for a juice or a soda instead.
No is a complete sentence
you could also do what I did the first year and not do the family Christmas at all. It was a really small, but meaningful, Xmas that year
D
That one night thing led me into several more years drinking so yeah - it's an AV lie.
If we could control our drinking and turn it on and off we wouldn't be here on SR
I've had several sober Christmasses now - I've enjoyed every one...I can't say the same for drunken Christmasses when I passed out, got sick, embarrassed myself...
I enjoy being physically and emotionally 'there' now.
If you're worried about the logistics of staying sober, this is a good link to read....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html
If you're not going to tell people why you're not drinking (and that is your choice) be prepared to say no thanks to a drink but ask for a juice or a soda instead.
No is a complete sentence
you could also do what I did the first year and not do the family Christmas at all. It was a really small, but meaningful, Xmas that year
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
RTDB, welcome! First off, it's not normal to think about moderating your drinking for one night two months down the road, so stick with not drinking.
As for your family, I feel the same way about mine. In my journey right now, it's not important for me to explain myself. So I simply say "no thanks" when offered booze and change the subject.
If you feel really anxious and you have to celebrate with them, think about having an exit plan when you feel pressure (maybe you don't feel well, have to get up early, etc) - whatever makes sense for you.
As for your family, I feel the same way about mine. In my journey right now, it's not important for me to explain myself. So I simply say "no thanks" when offered booze and change the subject.
If you feel really anxious and you have to celebrate with them, think about having an exit plan when you feel pressure (maybe you don't feel well, have to get up early, etc) - whatever makes sense for you.
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