bunnyluv

I know that sounds crazy, but my husband thinks I'm much more relaxed and fun when I drink! He is an absolute teetotaler and he has always encouraged me to drink because I am less anxious and irritating. He doesn't think I have a problem with drinking. I started AA two days ago and I have joined this board for additional support and knowledge. I have been trying off and on for the past 15 years to quit, but my husband is always there telling me that it is ok in moderation. He is a wonderful man and I know he wants me to be happy and he hates to see me in anxiety distress and he thinks its ok. He doesn't understand my desire to quit so I have to make myself strong and not give in to temptation. Thanks.

brynn

Welcome bunnyluv!

So many things to say about your post, but it all boils down to you doing what you need to do despite what your husband wants. See, your sobriety is about you. It's a personal journey, and you need to be true to yourself.
I also wonder why if he wants you to be happy he would try and persuade you to keep doing something that you obviously don't want to do anymore?

Glad your here!

Edit to say Congrats on your 13 days!!

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, bunnyluv, and congratulations on 13 sober days.

If you want to quit, it is totally your decision. It is your body, your mind and your spirit.

Have you tried yoga, meditation or breathing techniques to help with anxiety?

Glad you found SR.

bunnyluv

Wow...thanks so much for the speedy welcome!

@ 2WheelsGood : If only moderation worked! No it doesn't
@brynn: my husband thinks I like drinking and thinks its not a problem for me---but I suspect it is also the fact that he likes to always imagine things are better than they really are. It's easier to keep things the way they are than to change things.

I have terrible anxiety and @SoberLeigh, yes I do yoga and when I'm in anxiety agony like now I play my meditation tapes over and over. I have prescription benzos to help with anxiety and up until now I have resisted taking them, because I know that won't help me stay sober.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Bunnyluv!!

What do you think? . . . because that's all that really matters, I didn't question my own drinking and sign up to a recovery website without something inside telling me that I really needed to change my drinking habits.

Your post talks too much about your husband and not enough about what YOU feel is necessary in your own life, and that's the key, I had many people in my life that thought that quitting alcohol was a bad idea, but they were wrong, it was the best decision I have ever made in my life.

Do what you need to do, and I know you already know what that is, we're talking your life and your health, if people don't like it, then so be it!!

You can do this!!

brynn

Oh, bunny.....I so hear that about change! I just ended a relationship with someone who didn't want me to quit, either. Not saying that's where you are...just saying I get it! If you quit it will change the whole dynamic of the relationship. Yep.
It's great you're trying to deal with your anxiety sans benzos, too! I find a good run or power walk outdoors helps my anxiety, too. Burns off nervous energy.
You can totally do this, bunny, and we're always here for you!

Dee74

Hi bunnyluv - welcome

Early recovery is rough. It's actually pretty common for some spouses to misunderstand the process and not to want to see their loved one in pain.

He may not understand - but you do, and that's the main thing.

In a little while he'll see how much better you feel and I think he'll be glad you've done this

D

JayGatsby

I feel for you bunnyluv. I have a similar experience, its hard when your mate doesn't understand the disease of alcoholism. Our drinking habits are as baffling to them, as their one glass of wine is to us. I would try to find some other women in your group that have been in a similar situation for their support. It's not easy to change his viedwpoint ,and he may never undeerstans . what's important is that you stay in the center of your recober y. With time, things will improve. From my experience it kept getting worse every time I tried "the old game" again. My wife is from a different culture and thought I could "moderate".... Eventually she saw what happens when I " moderate" long enough and now encourages my meetings. She still doesn't understand what the meetings do, but she has seen the change in my behavior. Give it some time and it will all work out. Make sure to find people to talk to on a daily basis, especially one who can guide you towards what you seek...keep coming back!

JayGatsby

Also on the benzos...those lead me down the rabbit hole faster than alcohol and the withdrawal is horrendous!! I have detoxed from most all chemicals, and benzos take the cake times ten. For me, I have to stay away from anything that alters my mood if I'm to find peace. Good luck!

Berrybean

Yes - moderation is fine, if you can do it. If you're alcoholic it's like crying for the moon to want to moderate.

I suppose what you're husband doesn't realise is that this is a transitional phase. I think my OH felt much the same way at first. But now I'm further into recovery he's constantly being amazed my how much more calm and happy I am, and how much easier to live with. Sobriety and recovery isn't a quick fix. It isn't always easy - but it's always worth it in the end.

You stick with it - thank him for his advice and for caring about you, give him a kiss, and change the subject

Soberwolf

Welcome BunnyLuv youl find so much support here

OnMyWay7

Basically echoing others posts. It's your life and if you know this is what you need then this is what you need. My SO didn't think I had an issue but I knew I did and continue to know because it's still hard for me to stay stopped at times.

As far as benzos I also echo the post that said it's hard as heck to stop them - I used them for a few months this year and realized I was then hooked on them - even at only 1 a day. So if at all possible stay away and keep trying natural methods.

Hang in there - the people on these boards are great and will be there for you.

zombob

Ok BL, I'll be the one to say it--If your husband has known of your struggle for even 2 of the 15 yrs. and is not supportive of this decision then he is not on your side and hardly attentive no matter how "wonderful" you perceive him to be. Stay the course. Your life is at stake here and if he can't get that very soon you have a tough choice to make. I have made the wrong choice too many times in regards to this very dilemma and can say it only hurt both of us but nearly killed me....The chorus "with or without you" by u2 is playing a loop in my head right now....Peace.

gettingsmarter

Hi bunnyluv. My man was kinda confused at first untill he saw that I was actually serious. He'd ask so how long until we can drink again etc. "Your no fun anymore" was the worst. Now he sees that I'm much happier. Stick with it.

KidsEverywhere

Maybe just tell him drinking is something you struggle with a lot more than it may appear to others and you feel like it is best that you stay away from it and ask for his help and support.

biminiblue

My anxiety went down a lot once I got past the early stages of sobriety. The alcohol was causing the anxiety in my case. It's a common symptom of alcohol dependency. The benzos will help you get past the early stages, if you think you will be able to stop taking them after that first week. It gets better quickly, really.

Anna

Yes, you do. He doesn't understand and he may never understand and that's okay. It sounds to me that he is afraid of you changing, even though the change will be a huge benefit. Do what you know you need to do.

Soberwolf

5000% back up Anna's post