Been awhile since I've been here
And Presents For Pretty Girls
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 319
Been awhile since I've been here
It's been quite some time since I've been on here. I consider that a big plus for me, since I'd been dating A's that brought me here to begin with.
My new bf drinks as well. Although it isn't to the extent of getting drunk to go to sleep, or to feel better, he still has 2 or 3 whenever he comes over to my house.
Actually, I would say he drinks beer every single day. I'm not with him all the time, so don't really know how much that is. But, let's say at least 3 a day.
On Halloween we went out, it was byob so he brought a 12 pack and drank 10 of them.
I never thought I'd be that person counting beers again. His personality has never changed, he's never said mean things to me while drinking, nor is his life a total mess like other A's I've had in my life.
I hate counting beers. it's like I'm watching and waiting and wondering if I'm going to be back in THAT place again with someone. I can't. And, I won't go there ever again.
My past with alcoholic boyfriends has clouded my vision on what is normal, what is acceptable and what is over the top. I realize it's really what I feel comfortable with, and that everyone's idea of what they can tolerate with a SO's drinking is different.
Am I jaded? Am I being too cautionary? Over-reacting? I'm here. Which tells me it really does bother me quite a bit.
What do I do?
My new bf drinks as well. Although it isn't to the extent of getting drunk to go to sleep, or to feel better, he still has 2 or 3 whenever he comes over to my house.
Actually, I would say he drinks beer every single day. I'm not with him all the time, so don't really know how much that is. But, let's say at least 3 a day.
On Halloween we went out, it was byob so he brought a 12 pack and drank 10 of them.
I never thought I'd be that person counting beers again. His personality has never changed, he's never said mean things to me while drinking, nor is his life a total mess like other A's I've had in my life.
I hate counting beers. it's like I'm watching and waiting and wondering if I'm going to be back in THAT place again with someone. I can't. And, I won't go there ever again.
My past with alcoholic boyfriends has clouded my vision on what is normal, what is acceptable and what is over the top. I realize it's really what I feel comfortable with, and that everyone's idea of what they can tolerate with a SO's drinking is different.
Am I jaded? Am I being too cautionary? Over-reacting? I'm here. Which tells me it really does bother me quite a bit.
What do I do?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
If it bothers you, maybe that's your internal compass telling you that you are not okay with dating drinkers? I'm sure others wil chime in with much more eloquent advice but if it bothers you, then it bothers you-simple as that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
How is the relationship otherwise? Is he communicative? Is he always a little bit tipsy when you're together? Do you feel like you know who he is sober? It's hard for any of us to say if he has a problem with his drinking or you do or both. Are there other red flags?
I think that you coming here is meaningful too, but I think there can be a lot of ways it can be meaningful. It's hard to trust ourselves and our perceptions in new relationships once we've dated an addict. For now, I would keep your eyes and ears open and pay attention to how you feel with him whether he's drinking or not.
I think that you coming here is meaningful too, but I think there can be a lot of ways it can be meaningful. It's hard to trust ourselves and our perceptions in new relationships once we've dated an addict. For now, I would keep your eyes and ears open and pay attention to how you feel with him whether he's drinking or not.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
itismylifenow.......actually, you ARE in that place, now. You are counting.
I am just a regular citizen....not an expert.....but, the amount he is drinking sounds excessive to me. It sounds like he is on the road....just not as far down the road, yet, as some of the others that y ou were involved with.
I don't know you....and, I haven't read your other posts....but, I wonder if y ou have always been in a culture of drinking.....where almost everyone drinks and it is considered normal...??
If you don't want alcoholism in your life.....hang with sober people...
***just between you and me...if I was dating someone who drank a case of beer at one sitting....I would be out of there so fast.....!!
dandylion
I am just a regular citizen....not an expert.....but, the amount he is drinking sounds excessive to me. It sounds like he is on the road....just not as far down the road, yet, as some of the others that y ou were involved with.
I don't know you....and, I haven't read your other posts....but, I wonder if y ou have always been in a culture of drinking.....where almost everyone drinks and it is considered normal...??
If you don't want alcoholism in your life.....hang with sober people...
***just between you and me...if I was dating someone who drank a case of beer at one sitting....I would be out of there so fast.....!!
dandylion
And Presents For Pretty Girls
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 319
Our relationship otherwise is really good. I know in the past he's used alcohol and drugs as a means to escape life, and has tapered down quite a bit on the drinking he does.
We have a communicative relationship as well, and this is something I can bring up to him without fear of repercussions, arguments, etc. But, since these are MY feelings, I want to get a handle on why I'm feeling this way before I bring it up to him.
My simple past history is a 3 year on and off R with a major A who had lots of issues, and a 4 month R with another A as well. I realized I had co-dependent issues and addressed them and have worked quite a bit on myself to avoid attracting this type of person into my life again.
Addictive personalities seem to be attracted to me. My new bf is supportive, loving, caring, respectful and communicative. Yet, he smokes, drinks major amounts of coffee, and drinks more beer than I'd like. He gets wound up easily, and honestly, given the right situation, I feel like he could possibly get verbally abusive, although he's never been that way to me, he's gotten pretty verbal about other people.
I should clarify that he did drink 10 beers (not a case) while we were out over a 4 hour period for Halloween. It didn't affect him at all as far as I could tell. Which means he has a very high tolerance before he feels anything.
We have a communicative relationship as well, and this is something I can bring up to him without fear of repercussions, arguments, etc. But, since these are MY feelings, I want to get a handle on why I'm feeling this way before I bring it up to him.
My simple past history is a 3 year on and off R with a major A who had lots of issues, and a 4 month R with another A as well. I realized I had co-dependent issues and addressed them and have worked quite a bit on myself to avoid attracting this type of person into my life again.
Addictive personalities seem to be attracted to me. My new bf is supportive, loving, caring, respectful and communicative. Yet, he smokes, drinks major amounts of coffee, and drinks more beer than I'd like. He gets wound up easily, and honestly, given the right situation, I feel like he could possibly get verbally abusive, although he's never been that way to me, he's gotten pretty verbal about other people.
I should clarify that he did drink 10 beers (not a case) while we were out over a 4 hour period for Halloween. It didn't affect him at all as far as I could tell. Which means he has a very high tolerance before he feels anything.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
When you say, "verbally abusive about other people," do you mean he rants and raves about what an idiot so-and-so is? Or do you mean he puts people down publicly? To me, that is the sort of thing that would put me off more than the amount he drinks (if I weren't an alcoholic myself, that is--I couldn't stand being around someone who drank that much just because of my own situation).
I don't think it sounds like he has a drinking problem, based on what you've posted. If you feel safe and comfortable around him, that's what's most important.
If he's a big guy, ten beers over a few hours (as long as he doesn't drive in that condition, or do it on a regular basis) doesn't stand my hair on end.
I don't think it sounds like he has a drinking problem, based on what you've posted. If you feel safe and comfortable around him, that's what's most important.
If he's a big guy, ten beers over a few hours (as long as he doesn't drive in that condition, or do it on a regular basis) doesn't stand my hair on end.
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