I am not new...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Africa
Posts: 168
I am not new...
I have been on this site before and it has helped me a ton. My first post still makes me cry because how can I read it and not just quit! AM I really that selfish?
After my first post and so on... I have been struggling with alcohol. I stopped for a good 2 weeks at some point and man was it good... not great but definitely better. I loved the way I felt. I loved not being overemotional when my husband does something normal. I loved getting my kids fed, bathed early. I loved just chilling out with them. I loved that they stopped having night terrors. I loved that I cooked healthy meals. I loved that I sat at night reading a book. I loved that I could focus on my studies. I loved the feeling of peace that surrounded me. I loved laughing at my kids naughtiness. I loved that I was present.
Then why would I re-enter this dark world?
Loneliness and boredom.
With a travelling husband who is just home on the weekends, I found the evenings bored. I slowly started back. First week, two glasses of wine... second week three glasses of wine and I felt proud that I did not finish the bottle. All it took was one crazy night when we had friends over and I drank a little more. Then it was back to the bottle every night.
I am the 5pm drinker and I associate it with cooking. Atleast since my first post, we are now no longer late for school. My kids are looking good but slowly but surely you see that you are going back to that first post.
Last night I had two vodka drinks, then a half bottle of red wine, then some chocolate vodka shots. This morning I am not hungover (which isn't good) but I looked at myself in the mirror and my beauty is fading away. Alcohol is stealing everything almost unnoticeably.
I feel just so alone and I know that I have to fill up that drinking hour with something else.
Today is once again day 1 (man have I had many of those). Something's different this time though. Not sure what but I am almost calm to the idea of not drinking.
Wish me luck and I've realised that whenever I stay away from this site I start justifying my behaviour.
After my first post and so on... I have been struggling with alcohol. I stopped for a good 2 weeks at some point and man was it good... not great but definitely better. I loved the way I felt. I loved not being overemotional when my husband does something normal. I loved getting my kids fed, bathed early. I loved just chilling out with them. I loved that they stopped having night terrors. I loved that I cooked healthy meals. I loved that I sat at night reading a book. I loved that I could focus on my studies. I loved the feeling of peace that surrounded me. I loved laughing at my kids naughtiness. I loved that I was present.
Then why would I re-enter this dark world?
Loneliness and boredom.
With a travelling husband who is just home on the weekends, I found the evenings bored. I slowly started back. First week, two glasses of wine... second week three glasses of wine and I felt proud that I did not finish the bottle. All it took was one crazy night when we had friends over and I drank a little more. Then it was back to the bottle every night.
I am the 5pm drinker and I associate it with cooking. Atleast since my first post, we are now no longer late for school. My kids are looking good but slowly but surely you see that you are going back to that first post.
Last night I had two vodka drinks, then a half bottle of red wine, then some chocolate vodka shots. This morning I am not hungover (which isn't good) but I looked at myself in the mirror and my beauty is fading away. Alcohol is stealing everything almost unnoticeably.
I feel just so alone and I know that I have to fill up that drinking hour with something else.
Today is once again day 1 (man have I had many of those). Something's different this time though. Not sure what but I am almost calm to the idea of not drinking.
Wish me luck and I've realised that whenever I stay away from this site I start justifying my behaviour.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Welcome back Zeekie. I used to love to cook and drink as well. When I decided to stop drinking, we ate sandwiches and cereal for dinner at my house for quite some time...which was just fine. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Africa
Posts: 168
Originally Posted by On The Road 
Zeekie, it sounds like you need a plan. Do you have one?
I will try and do this every day the first few weeks. I must say though that I've depleted my alcohol stock last night and although we have a filled bar at home, it is not things I will drink. Hopefully with no wine and vodka at arms length I will have to find something else to do.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
Zeekie, that sounds like a good start. But your plan should have more structure to it. Here's mine as example (this may not work for you, but you'll get the idea);
1. Don't drink. EVER.
2. Get up early and exercise. Helps with stress and anxiety.
3. Weekly therapy session to address underlying causes and triggers for drinking.
4. Regular mediation. Nothing fancy, just some alone time so I can reflect on things in private.
5. Eat well: cut out caffeine and sodas.
6. Change nightly drinking routine to include teas (e.g chamomile).
7. Read and post on SR for insights, support, and reaching out to help others.
8. Spend time with family: coaching kids, doing planned actives on the weekends (instead of recovering from hangovers).
9. Know what to say when offered a drink in a social situation.
10. Create exit plans for social situations (for example, attending a work dinner but leaving before everyone decides to continue boozing it up afterwards).
11. Letting my wife know that my moodiness is part of my recovery and not her fault.
Add to your plan as you learn more about recovery. The main idea is to create a roadmap for yourself so that you can successful stay on the path of sobriety.
1. Don't drink. EVER.
2. Get up early and exercise. Helps with stress and anxiety.
3. Weekly therapy session to address underlying causes and triggers for drinking.
4. Regular mediation. Nothing fancy, just some alone time so I can reflect on things in private.
5. Eat well: cut out caffeine and sodas.
6. Change nightly drinking routine to include teas (e.g chamomile).
7. Read and post on SR for insights, support, and reaching out to help others.
8. Spend time with family: coaching kids, doing planned actives on the weekends (instead of recovering from hangovers).
9. Know what to say when offered a drink in a social situation.
10. Create exit plans for social situations (for example, attending a work dinner but leaving before everyone decides to continue boozing it up afterwards).
11. Letting my wife know that my moodiness is part of my recovery and not her fault.
Add to your plan as you learn more about recovery. The main idea is to create a roadmap for yourself so that you can successful stay on the path of sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Africa
Posts: 168
Originally Posted by On The Road
Zeekie, that sounds like a good start. But your plan should have more structure to it. Here's mine as example (this may not work for you, but you'll get the idea);
1. Don't drink. EVER.
2. Get up early and exercise. Helps with stress and anxiety.
3. Weekly therapy session to address underlying causes and triggers for drinking.
4. Regular mediation. Nothing fancy, just some alone time so I can reflect on things in private.
5. Eat well: cut out caffeine and sodas.
6. Change nightly drinking routine to include teas (e.g chamomile).
7. Read and post on SR for insights, support, and reaching out to help others.
8. Spend time with family: coaching kids, doing planned actives on the weekends (instead of recovering from hangovers).
9. Know what to say when offered a drink in a social situation.
10. Create exit plans for social situations (for example, attending a work dinner but leaving before everyone decides to continue boozing it up afterwards).
11. Letting my wife know that my moodiness is part of my recovery and not her fault.
Add to your plan as you learn more about recovery. The main idea is to create a roadmap for yourself so that you can successful stay on the path of sobriety.
1. Don't drink. EVER.
2. Get up early and exercise. Helps with stress and anxiety.
3. Weekly therapy session to address underlying causes and triggers for drinking.
4. Regular mediation. Nothing fancy, just some alone time so I can reflect on things in private.
5. Eat well: cut out caffeine and sodas.
6. Change nightly drinking routine to include teas (e.g chamomile).
7. Read and post on SR for insights, support, and reaching out to help others.
8. Spend time with family: coaching kids, doing planned actives on the weekends (instead of recovering from hangovers).
9. Know what to say when offered a drink in a social situation.
10. Create exit plans for social situations (for example, attending a work dinner but leaving before everyone decides to continue boozing it up afterwards).
11. Letting my wife know that my moodiness is part of my recovery and not her fault.
Add to your plan as you learn more about recovery. The main idea is to create a roadmap for yourself so that you can successful stay on the path of sobriety.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Zeekie
Alcohol is stealing everything almost unnoticeably.
The cure for boredom is creativity. There is no cure for creativity.
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