Hello!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 114
Hello!
Hello.
This place seems amazing and if you don’t mind, I would like to stick around for a while and perhaps write down some of my contemplations. Apologies in advance, I’m not the most literate person, so you will have to bear with me!
...I keep thinking I 'm not as bad as some – how ironic, right! I still keep telling myself that I am a successful single working mother! When in fact I have been stuck in the same sort of job for at least 5 years with no progression in sight. I work long hours and spend hardly any time with my girls. And for what? – Pittance! We hardly survive. I’m like a machine. There is absolutely nothing left of me. I have hardly any friends. No social life what so ever. I keep hoping things might change one day, but that’s another one of my (drunken) illusions.
I have been drinking too much and to often since my early 20’s , but since separation (4 years ago) the drink has been my only companion once my 2 girls have gone to bed. Oh, the sweet routine of finishing work, collecting the girls, settling them for bed and ... sitting down with a glass (bottle) of wine. Most of my evenings are spent just doing that - sitting there drinking. Counting the glasses to not go over my limit where I can’t function at all the next day. God only knows how many times I’ve gone over that ‘limit’ and have been a complete mess at work the next day. Or not turned up at all. How many times have I dropped the girls off in the morning and called in sick to go back home an sleep it off. I still want to believe my co-workers don’t know! That they somehow haven’t seen my puffy face, blood shot eyes or smelled the booze on me! That fear of smelling of alcohol is the worst feeling. I tend to overcompensate on perfume, which must only make things worse. Oh, how many times have I googled ‘how to disguise the smell of booze?’ or ‘best hangover cures’ or my favourite- ‘do I smell of alcohol the next day if I drink the whole bottle of wine?’.
I spend my evenings just sitting there and drinking. Maths isn’t my strongest topic, but I probably could have spent about 50 hours a month on something worthwhile.
Over the past 10 years I would say, I’ve gone without a drink for a maximum 2 weeks at a time. Excluding my second pregnancy – I completely stopped then. However, I drank again the week my baby girl was born! I drink pretty much every day. More or less. Ranging from a couple of glasses of wine to 2 bottles. A lot more if I go out.
I wish I could find the courage to finally break out of this lifelessness and stick with it for once. I know there is no guarantee the sober life would necessarily be a happier one. I know that I will miss the routine, the familiarity and mostly the 'company'. Somehow, the thought of never being able to drink again is hugely overwhelming.
Day 3 done.
This place seems amazing and if you don’t mind, I would like to stick around for a while and perhaps write down some of my contemplations. Apologies in advance, I’m not the most literate person, so you will have to bear with me!
...I keep thinking I 'm not as bad as some – how ironic, right! I still keep telling myself that I am a successful single working mother! When in fact I have been stuck in the same sort of job for at least 5 years with no progression in sight. I work long hours and spend hardly any time with my girls. And for what? – Pittance! We hardly survive. I’m like a machine. There is absolutely nothing left of me. I have hardly any friends. No social life what so ever. I keep hoping things might change one day, but that’s another one of my (drunken) illusions.
I have been drinking too much and to often since my early 20’s , but since separation (4 years ago) the drink has been my only companion once my 2 girls have gone to bed. Oh, the sweet routine of finishing work, collecting the girls, settling them for bed and ... sitting down with a glass (bottle) of wine. Most of my evenings are spent just doing that - sitting there drinking. Counting the glasses to not go over my limit where I can’t function at all the next day. God only knows how many times I’ve gone over that ‘limit’ and have been a complete mess at work the next day. Or not turned up at all. How many times have I dropped the girls off in the morning and called in sick to go back home an sleep it off. I still want to believe my co-workers don’t know! That they somehow haven’t seen my puffy face, blood shot eyes or smelled the booze on me! That fear of smelling of alcohol is the worst feeling. I tend to overcompensate on perfume, which must only make things worse. Oh, how many times have I googled ‘how to disguise the smell of booze?’ or ‘best hangover cures’ or my favourite- ‘do I smell of alcohol the next day if I drink the whole bottle of wine?’.
I spend my evenings just sitting there and drinking. Maths isn’t my strongest topic, but I probably could have spent about 50 hours a month on something worthwhile.
Over the past 10 years I would say, I’ve gone without a drink for a maximum 2 weeks at a time. Excluding my second pregnancy – I completely stopped then. However, I drank again the week my baby girl was born! I drink pretty much every day. More or less. Ranging from a couple of glasses of wine to 2 bottles. A lot more if I go out.
I wish I could find the courage to finally break out of this lifelessness and stick with it for once. I know there is no guarantee the sober life would necessarily be a happier one. I know that I will miss the routine, the familiarity and mostly the 'company'. Somehow, the thought of never being able to drink again is hugely overwhelming.
Day 3 done.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,857
Welcome to SR, Thumbelina; glad you found us.
Wine was my poison, too; the good news is that you CAN leave it behind you.
Have a look around the site giving some time to the "Stickies" at the top of each forum; there's a lot of great information in them.
Nice to meet you, Thumbelina.
Wine was my poison, too; the good news is that you CAN leave it behind you.
Have a look around the site giving some time to the "Stickies" at the top of each forum; there's a lot of great information in them.
Nice to meet you, Thumbelina.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Welcome to SR. Wow, sounds like me posting. Rushing my two children to bed so I could drink and then feeling like death warmed over the next day. Not being able to function very well at all.
Good job on day 3. If you are dissatisfied with your job, get sober first then use all the time you will find you have in the evening to work on changing the job.
Keep coming back here!
Good job on day 3. If you are dissatisfied with your job, get sober first then use all the time you will find you have in the evening to work on changing the job.
Keep coming back here!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Hi Thumbellina! Welcome to SR, you will find many experiences and support here.
Supporting children on a single income and working is no small feat, I feel you have the strength to achieve sobriety if you can do all that.
Supporting children on a single income and working is no small feat, I feel you have the strength to achieve sobriety if you can do all that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: ottawa
Posts: 66
Welcome! It does sound like there's a lot on your plate, but maybe over time, you will find inventive, fulfilling ways to fit those extra 50 hours - a good book, a new show, a new hobby? An acquaintance of mine did a 30 day alcohol free thing in September, and her post on facebook was impressive. She mentioned losing weight, not feeling horrible, having more time to be with friends, do yoga, things that gave her fulfillment. I've been drinking in the afternoons because I only work part time, I feel like I have no friends in town anyone, I'm single... it became my attachment. I've only just joined here, but I've tried to put other things in my life to make me happy or keep me busy. Keep coming back, and I'm sure the positivity of others here will rub off on you! 
Kristy
Kristy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Hi! Welcome to SR, sounds similar to me, but being single must make it even harder for u. I couldn't wait for the kids to get to bed, as soon as that liquid touched my lips it felt like a release!!!!
I felt & still feel anxious about never drinking again, i would love to b able to drink 1 drink every now & again but i cant.
Im hoping (from what the veterans on here say) it gets easier over time & u learn to embrace a life of sobriety.
I'm sure u feel that if u don't get a grip on it this will eventually spiral out of control, i did.
Good luck & keep posting!!
I felt & still feel anxious about never drinking again, i would love to b able to drink 1 drink every now & again but i cant.
Im hoping (from what the veterans on here say) it gets easier over time & u learn to embrace a life of sobriety.
I'm sure u feel that if u don't get a grip on it this will eventually spiral out of control, i did.
Good luck & keep posting!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada,
Posts: 1,238
I can relate to you on how you feel about not having much of a social life. Right now its one of the reasons I drink. I don't know how to get social again. I feel really lonely and depressed. Since moving to a new city, I don't really know anyone to hangout with and I am a shy person. Losing my job triggered my recent drinking hobby. Being currently unemployed has given me much time to drink and really accomplish nothing of substance. And I also worried about smelling like alcohol the next day at work. I too asked google how to hide the smell, lol. I am sure someone smelled it on me but I wasn't asked about it.
I haven't drank in a few days now and my constant sweating has stopped. My shaking is gone, and I my anxiety has been a lot lower.
I haven't drank in a few days now and my constant sweating has stopped. My shaking is gone, and I my anxiety has been a lot lower.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 378
It's nice to meet you Thumbelina.
No matter how difficult and impossible it seems right now, please know that you can get better. You can stay sober and have a life you've never imagined possible.
Rooting for you and congratulations on day 3. You can do it!
No matter how difficult and impossible it seems right now, please know that you can get better. You can stay sober and have a life you've never imagined possible.
Rooting for you and congratulations on day 3. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 562
I can relate to you I was in your shoes years ago but I only had one child. I had undiagnosed anxiety and a depressive mood order which contributed to my alcoholism, maybe even created it. I am so happy to have been prescribed meds, because they've really helped me w this problem. I'm sure wo them It would have been impossible to have spurts of sobriety......I'm making progress I'm not perfect but I'm a helluva lot better than I've ever been. And I keep trying.....so eventually I will be such successful.....that's the law of large numbers. Plus this site has been extremely helpful.....keep coming back and sooner or later you too will benefit as I have.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Welcome!
We get it!
More to say... You sound like a good mom who works very hard!! A single mother is no small feat... Maybe you can bring other enjoyable things back into your life... Many moms put their own enjoyment on hold after they have kids... When was the last time you treated yourself to something special?💚💛❤️💙💜💔💞💕❣💓💗💓💗💖💟💝💘
We get it!
More to say... You sound like a good mom who works very hard!! A single mother is no small feat... Maybe you can bring other enjoyable things back into your life... Many moms put their own enjoyment on hold after they have kids... When was the last time you treated yourself to something special?💚💛❤️💙💜💔💞💕❣💓💗💓💗💖💟💝💘
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