Ten months. The hard way.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Ten months. The hard way.
Man o live was this last month tough.
Craved all the way through it.
Had a radical and persistent case of the "F its" and came close to drinking a dozen times in 31 days.
I just wanted to put it out there, that it aint all sunshine and roses. There are some days (weeks) when the only way is crawling through the days. Scrapping and scrounging. I even had to up my anti depressant and started heavy cardio.
And even though I am past 300 days, and eternally grateful to be so, it's still very much one really TOUGH day at a time.
Thanks for letting me share.
XO AO
Craved all the way through it.
Had a radical and persistent case of the "F its" and came close to drinking a dozen times in 31 days.
I just wanted to put it out there, that it aint all sunshine and roses. There are some days (weeks) when the only way is crawling through the days. Scrapping and scrounging. I even had to up my anti depressant and started heavy cardio.
And even though I am past 300 days, and eternally grateful to be so, it's still very much one really TOUGH day at a time.
Thanks for letting me share.
XO AO
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
I am really glad that you shared, alphaomega.
There was nothing easy about my first year, either. While I could definitely feel and see the benefits of sobriety, there were many difficult times.
Persevere dear friend; it gets better, I promise.
I am proud of your ten months.
There was nothing easy about my first year, either. While I could definitely feel and see the benefits of sobriety, there were many difficult times.
Persevere dear friend; it gets better, I promise.
I am proud of your ten months.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
I guess if it was easy, it wouldn't be an issue.....I still struggle. But I'm so grateful every morning that I wake up without a hangover. It does get easier. ..not easy, but much easier. Hang in there, you're doing great.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Look at all you've been through and how far you've come AO, I tip my hat to you! One thing others could learn from you as well is that you come here when you are in crisis and seek help - that's why SR is here in the first place.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by Leshar 
I'm glad you posted this, AO. I've struggled a lot in the past two years. You didn't give in. Well done on 10 months. How is/was the play?
Did I really do THAT ?!?
It's surreal.
Thank for asking Leshar. I'm kinda proud of that one.
Saved By Grace
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oop North, Furtlin' me Ferrets
Posts: 410
Congrats on making it to 10 months! I'm at 10 months also (sober since 12/27/14) and I can really relate to your share alpha. Some days are really hard and it seems like my bad attitude is trying to sabotage me a lot of the time. I notice myself sort of scoffing at recovery and expecting the worst out of life. It's a feeling like I've got nothing coming, reality the way I can perceive it to be is really quite exhausting and bleak.
So I pray and ask God for help. I go to meetings, I talk to other addicts/alcoholics. I try to find my serenity again because I really miss the pink cloud somedays. Things have improved so much in my life but it's never good enough and I really struggle not to point out my problems and blow them up into these huge ordeals. But I'm growing as a person, staying sober, and being of help to some, and of harm to none. For me that is a huge accomplishment. Lets keep moving forward on this journey, stay on the rise alpha!
So I pray and ask God for help. I go to meetings, I talk to other addicts/alcoholics. I try to find my serenity again because I really miss the pink cloud somedays. Things have improved so much in my life but it's never good enough and I really struggle not to point out my problems and blow them up into these huge ordeals. But I'm growing as a person, staying sober, and being of help to some, and of harm to none. For me that is a huge accomplishment. Lets keep moving forward on this journey, stay on the rise alpha!
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hello Dear AO,
Do you drive a manual transmission? My first year without alcohol felt a lot like when I was learning how to drive stick - all abrupt and jerky, sometimes adrenaline fueled. People honking and driving around me as I stall out. Again.
And then it all just gets a little easier. Still demands a lot to accomplish, just not as much, or differently than before. Still stall every now and again, especially at stop lights (not to keep going on about the driving, but I learned on a VW Vanagon. The stick shift was two feet long and the big bus hopped so badly I swear I could have jumped the curb. Hilarious).
Keep going because, even if you cannot feel it all the time, you are moving forward. Saying "by hook or by crook" (out loud!), helps me to feel like I am actively accomplishing something during tough, irritating moments. Try it out. Saying it using a Popeye voice, ark, ark, ark, ark ark, is even better.
Keep talking AO. I love reading what you have to say. You are so valuable here.
Do you drive a manual transmission? My first year without alcohol felt a lot like when I was learning how to drive stick - all abrupt and jerky, sometimes adrenaline fueled. People honking and driving around me as I stall out. Again.
And then it all just gets a little easier. Still demands a lot to accomplish, just not as much, or differently than before. Still stall every now and again, especially at stop lights (not to keep going on about the driving, but I learned on a VW Vanagon. The stick shift was two feet long and the big bus hopped so badly I swear I could have jumped the curb. Hilarious).
Keep going because, even if you cannot feel it all the time, you are moving forward. Saying "by hook or by crook" (out loud!), helps me to feel like I am actively accomplishing something during tough, irritating moments. Try it out. Saying it using a Popeye voice, ark, ark, ark, ark ark, is even better.
Keep talking AO. I love reading what you have to say. You are so valuable here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
AO, I'm glad you posted and good for you for getting through 10 months. I'm sorry that the last month has been so hard, but, I often found that a slump like that was followed by a surge forward.
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