My brother's birthday is tomorrow
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Virginia
Posts: 21
My brother's birthday is tomorrow
I already have started crying. Why does it hurt so bad? I'm sorry if this is not the place to post, but since your support when I needed it and the support I got when I posted that he killed himself, I don't want to go to "strangers".
I was doing pretty good until a few days ago, but with his birthday now, I feel like I'm heading backwards. I guess that's normal, whatever normal is.
My doctor wants me to go to counseling, but I can't help but feel like that's a waste of money. I've never been anti-counseling, but I think a support group is the better way to go for this. My question is, which one? Is Al-anon appropriate? Or because he's dead, is it not? Do I go to a suicide support group? Or because of the drugs and alcohol, is that more of an underlying cause of death?
:06:
I was doing pretty good until a few days ago, but with his birthday now, I feel like I'm heading backwards. I guess that's normal, whatever normal is.
My doctor wants me to go to counseling, but I can't help but feel like that's a waste of money. I've never been anti-counseling, but I think a support group is the better way to go for this. My question is, which one? Is Al-anon appropriate? Or because he's dead, is it not? Do I go to a suicide support group? Or because of the drugs and alcohol, is that more of an underlying cause of death?
:06:
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
(((Frustrated)))
It's really hard to get through the first year. All those special days hurt a lot. Have you thought about a grief support group? That would get you in touch with people who are going through similar things.
Sending some love and light your way,
Gabe
It's really hard to get through the first year. All those special days hurt a lot. Have you thought about a grief support group? That would get you in touch with people who are going through similar things.
Sending some love and light your way,
Gabe
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Javatown
Posts: 92
Hi!
I'm in Virginia, at one of the weekly AlAnon meetings I frequent is a member that recently lost her brother and recently joined the group -she speaks that it has helped her tremendously.
Prayers to you in this tough time,
Red
I'm in Virginia, at one of the weekly AlAnon meetings I frequent is a member that recently lost her brother and recently joined the group -she speaks that it has helped her tremendously.
Prayers to you in this tough time,
Red
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
(((HugsFrustrated))))
I agree with all the above-Al Anon will help you cope with the addiction and learn more about it and most importantly help YOU to cope.
I myself must say that I would look into a one on one counseling as well. My brother tried but did not follow through 3 times with trying to kill himself because of his drinking. (although he was killing himself each day with each drink) among other family member A's counseling helped me and Al - Anon is now helping me to see things differently and how to cope. I had one of my best friends kill themselves due to a girlfriend cheating on him. He was an A and had been since he was about 17 yrs old when he turned to his friends that he had wronged over the years they were not there for him (With the disease time stands still with them and they forget who they wronged and why and expect people to be there for them). My father who also died partially due to his alcoholism.
Anyway my expierence's and the one that truly got me into counseling was when my husband was killed on the job due to his father's negligence after only being married a very short time-I thought counseling YUCK! But it has helped guide to be who I am today-and to deal with alot of my own issues that I never could see.
(((Hugs and Prayers to you during this time)))
The first year is always the hardest and although you do not want to hear it ..it does get easier- we never forget but the dates do get easier.
I agree with all the above-Al Anon will help you cope with the addiction and learn more about it and most importantly help YOU to cope.
I myself must say that I would look into a one on one counseling as well. My brother tried but did not follow through 3 times with trying to kill himself because of his drinking. (although he was killing himself each day with each drink) among other family member A's counseling helped me and Al - Anon is now helping me to see things differently and how to cope. I had one of my best friends kill themselves due to a girlfriend cheating on him. He was an A and had been since he was about 17 yrs old when he turned to his friends that he had wronged over the years they were not there for him (With the disease time stands still with them and they forget who they wronged and why and expect people to be there for them). My father who also died partially due to his alcoholism.
Anyway my expierence's and the one that truly got me into counseling was when my husband was killed on the job due to his father's negligence after only being married a very short time-I thought counseling YUCK! But it has helped guide to be who I am today-and to deal with alot of my own issues that I never could see.
(((Hugs and Prayers to you during this time)))
The first year is always the hardest and although you do not want to hear it ..it does get easier- we never forget but the dates do get easier.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I lost my son to suicide. 4 yrs ago. I won't say time heals all, but day by day, we learn to live without its shadow over us. I agree with the one on one counseling.
I understand. And your loss is very fresh. What you are going thro' is natural. Doesn't make it easier, I know.
Try to take care of yourself in your own way, some people need to be out around others, I need to be alone.
Not all escapes are bad. I lose myself in books. And get extra rest. And go for strolls at night, look at the stars..because I don't want to be seen or see anyone. The air is fresh, the night sky less harsh, the mild excercise helps.
Do what feels right for you.
Healing is progressive, but takes time. We heal a bit at a time, as we are ready.
It's a mercy, really. All at once would be too much to bear.
I understand. And your loss is very fresh. What you are going thro' is natural. Doesn't make it easier, I know.
Try to take care of yourself in your own way, some people need to be out around others, I need to be alone.
Not all escapes are bad. I lose myself in books. And get extra rest. And go for strolls at night, look at the stars..because I don't want to be seen or see anyone. The air is fresh, the night sky less harsh, the mild excercise helps.
Do what feels right for you.
Healing is progressive, but takes time. We heal a bit at a time, as we are ready.
It's a mercy, really. All at once would be too much to bear.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Here is a link that may help you find support.
http://www.afsp.org/survivor/group/va.htm
I'm really sorry you lost your brother. There isn't much that hurts more than a loss from suicide. My loss was 28 years ago and I can say that you will heal. It will take time. We're all here for you.
Hugs,
MG
http://www.afsp.org/survivor/group/va.htm
I'm really sorry you lost your brother. There isn't much that hurts more than a loss from suicide. My loss was 28 years ago and I can say that you will heal. It will take time. We're all here for you.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lost in the world
Posts: 107
Frustrated, first of all, I'm sorry that you have lost your brother. I know that must be awful for you. MY AH has attempted suicide unsuccessfully a few times and that hurts too. To feel so helpless after any suicide or attempt is a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I would definitely seek help out for grief and then an al-anon too. Whatever works for you. However many meetings you need to attend. It doesn't matter how many places you have to go to get some kind of relief and support for your feelings.
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you approach his birthday and as you try to get through this heartache yourself. Try to be somewhat selfish for yourself and do whatever you can for you........because you deserve it!
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you approach his birthday and as you try to get through this heartache yourself. Try to be somewhat selfish for yourself and do whatever you can for you........because you deserve it!
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