Rlong87

Hi all,
My husband went into detox facility (heroin) for 10 days back on 9/3. He's been out now. I know he was doing good for a while but now I don't really know. He never really goes to meetings because he says he doesn't want to hear about it and he doesn't like to talk (he is rather antisocial).
He goes to his outpatient program every Tuesday but thats it. He's supposed to get the Vivitrol injection but now we're almost 2 months out and nothing there. He says in 2 weeks but I think he's just BSing me. I don't notice him nodding but he just isn't acting normal. He's temperamental and tired all the time. When I confront him he gets so defensive and says he doesn't understand why I'm not on his side. I asked him to pee in a cup the other day. He freaked out and then I went to bed. He woke me up 2 hours later and gave me the cup that he peed in and said there I'm clean. But that doesn't mean anything to me because I didn't watch him pee in the cup.
I'm just at a loss here. I don't want to leave and blow up if he's not really using but at the same time I don't wanna be a fool if he is.
Any suggestions??

damascus1986

sounds very sketchy to say the least...........

D122y

The only one that can stop addiction is the addict.

It is an inner battle. My wife nagged me for years. I stopped when I decided I didn't want to be a prisoner to booze any more. Had enough brain altering for this lifetime.

I'm a huge fan of rock and roll, so I look up to rock stars that got clean. There are a bunch.

I'm a recovering drunk that did it, so far, med free.

Pray.

Soberwolf

Hi Rlong I remember you struggling with this & you really don't sound happy

Soberish

Only he can make the decision to change, very true.

From your post I believe these things can be taken two ways. He's acting strange so either hes using or he's not. He freaked out when you asked him to pee in the cup so once again either he's using or he's not. He's very tired all day and this can even go both ways.

What I'm trying to say is he may very well still be sober. During early recovery its not uncommon to be very tired all the time, or freaking out for small things. He may have an attitude that the whole world is against him which is why he tells you he can't understand why you aren't on his side. Sure he's not making any effort to go to any meetings or other forms of help and he's only going to the outpatient program every Tuesday, but that might just mean he's not ready for it (and may never be). Everyone handles recovery different.

Sleeping all day sounds like he may be a bit depressed? He may very well be using again as well, its hard to say. Either way like said above, only he can change and if he wants too.

Soberish

I also want to mention I am judging off the 1 post you put here in this thread and I can be way off. You're living with him so you have better judgement than any of us. If your instincts tell you he's using then chances are you are right.

Rlong87

I jus feel like he is different now than he was when I knew he was sober. He is definitely depressed. But one minute he's fine, cleaning , helping around the house...and the next day he sleeps all day.

JD

When getting off any drug your emotions are all over the place for quite awhile. Could just be that. Ask him how he's doing and that you know emotions will be up and down.

Rlong87

He just shuts down and doesn't talk. I haven't been pushing meetings because I understand if it's hard for him to hear about drugs and alcohol. I'm letting that go. I know he will go in his own time. I just really think it would help him. I really haven't pushed anything. I haven't forced him to do anything because I know if he wants to use nothing I do or say is going to stop him. It's HIS recovery like you all said.
I just have a hard time watching him be nasty to the kids and myself when he's having bad moods.

Soberwolf

It's not normal to be treated like that I'm going to let someone wiser than myself help as I think you should either leave or stay with family

damascus1986

I think the wrong impression is seen about meetings. They are more about getting off and staying off drugs or Alcohol. im sure they are mentioned but the focus of the steps is getting off substances and getting the tools needed to face those substances when they come up in our lives and of course facing who we are ( honestly) and how we can improve our lives. I could never say leave or dont leave as im 29 and dont even have kids yet. I will suggest that the want to stay away from meetings is not a good sign. They have helped many and in my opinion the person should be really willing to try some simple meetings and suggestions if they feel they have a problem.

My family did do a ultimatum, i got caught stealing from them , sort of a mini intervention. Either i went to jail or rehab and they were serious. Rehab was the best thing for me. We are just speculating if hes using or not although the signs lean toward yes. either way they would help alot with the change of the moral fiber and values that most of us have let deteriorate through our useage.

have you considered al- anon?

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Rlong!!

The important thing is to get support for yourself in all of this, SR is a great place for that, looking in on someone else's addiction can be a very lonely and frustrating place at times, but you'll not go short on a shoulder to lean on here!!

Mountainmanbob

Well (if) he is truly recently clean and sober
these ones at times can be hard to deal with
even though they may not be using.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt at this time
because
if it isn't for real
it will be proven before too long.

MM

Rlong87

So he came to me yesterday and told me that he snorted a line of dope a couple weeks ago and on Sunday he did a suboxone. Says he won't withdraw and he'll get his Vivitrol shot next Tuesday. He has mental problems and does not know how to cope with life. He literally doesn't care about anything and wants to. But he doesn't know how. I'm not sure how to help him. Or whether it's a lost cause.

damascus1986

He has to want it. id still contend meetings , the steps, and a sponsor can go along way. its hard to not have mental issues when you keep putting drugs in your mind and body.

kzaug2014

Hi RLong,
I'm very sorry you have to go through all this. I highly doubt he only did just 1 line. Lies & deception come very naturally to addicts. And they lie about "everything!" Even little things they don't need to.
My hubs & I are both recovering heroin addicts. I got clean last Aug., but it took my hubs 8mos longer. I didn't believe a word that came out of his mouth during this time.
I would try to concentrate on yourself for now. Take care! (( Hugs ))

Rlong87

Oh trust me I know he's lying lol.
He doesn't realize how obvious it is when he lies. I'm just having a hard time figuring out what to do. He lives with me and our two young boys. If I kick him out he has nowhere to go. I want to give him a chance but if he doesn't want to try and be clean then he's got to go. I'm just having a hard time with it.