Gracey

Let me start out by saying, I have a lot of issues with my MIL.......she is always bringing something over for my youngest daughter which is her natural grandchild and she is always leaving my two older children out who is not her natural grandchild......

Last Friday the kids all three didnt have school.......she brought over a pizza for my husband and breadsticks.....for Bree....I didnt say anything......but it drove me crazy.....because i have asked her in the past to not bring stuff over to my home, unless she has something for all three.......ergggggggggg (lots of issues)

Well, again yesterday...my two older kids get home before my youngest does........so instead of his mother bringing in the pizza......she left it in her car and when my husband went to pick her up at school.......he put it in his car, and on the way home they ate it in the car..........his mother brought the remaining couple of pieces back home for her later........I have been going through thing like this for 10 years now...........I am tired of it........I told my husband, that I was upset about this.......he said he isnt going to change.........I told him the main thing is (what is it teaching my six year old)..........I also said how would it feel for you and Bree if I brought something home just for Ashley and Andrew and I didnt make them share it with Bree...............

I came into to some unexpected money..........from my ex-husband.........I usually am broke.........I think I have said that before.......this money gets deposited into my own savings account.....that my name is on only.........

Well I think you know what I want to do..........and I realize that all three children are mine......and I love them all so much.......I know that my youngest daughter knows what her granny does it wrong...........but I feel like going and getting dinner for Andrew and Ashley and telling my husband......Well, I thought since the last couple of days......your mom brought dinner over for you and Bree..........that I assumed she brought it over again today for the two of you.......so I didnt pick either of you up something..........

I know tell me how terrible of a mother I am.......and how wrong this is..........and I know that it is not my six year olds fault.......and she doesnt deserve to be in the middle of this chaos.......

she is just so spoiled by his mother and my H.......she always gets what she wants.......she never likes to share.....with her bubby and sissy.........she is never told no........by them.........just once I would like to have my h know how it feels, when his child is left out.......(our child).......just so he may feel one time like i have.........for the past 10 years........

It does me no good to talk to his mother........I feel totally disrespected in my home.........by everyone........

the thing is about the pizza yesterday........they went to all extremes.....by hiding it in the car, eating it on the way home.......telling bree not to say anything..........how the hell can I fix this..........is it okay for my youngest daughter to think she is better then bubby and sissy...........

What do I own here.........what stand should I take.......

I didnt argue with my husband last night at all......I just tried to explain to him how I felt.........he even says he understands.......but isnt going to do anything about it..........he says I am not changing....and he thinks it is an added bonus for his mother to bring things like that......and why would I care....that he is eating......since he doesnt like practically anything I cook unless it is tacos........that is what he likes to eat......pizza and tacos......I told him do you think I like to make dinner........(I made chicken paremsian for dinner).........I said do you think I like to eat that for dinner the night I cook it, the next day for lunch.....and then come home and eat it again......I said do you think I like to eat ramon noodle soup.......and all the crap that we can afford.......I do it because I have no one buying me fast foods all the time......I also told him that I wanted bree, since she is going full days now.....to not be filled with junk, maybe a little snack....when she gets home, so she can eat dinner with the rest of us..........and yet one more thing I told him.........I said since she filled up on pizza at 3:30, number one she is not going to eat dinner with us......and number two she is going to be hungry around nine.......and I had already made dinner once and at that time I am hopefuly winding down.....and I get aggravated that I have to go in the kitchen and make her something to eat........but feel bad if I dont, because I dont want her to be hungry either.....and I know it is not her fault..........

boryad

Wow Gracey, I feel for you, yet I have no suggestions. I am a stepmom, but my advantage is that I've had my boy since he was a year old. While he's the oldest "grandchild", he wasn't legally a "grandchild" until after the 1st legitimate grandchild was born. I've been blessed that my family embraced him as one of their own from the very beginning. They recognized that it wasn't his fault his parents messed up (mainly his mom, she was the one that left him and his dad). I wouldn't have it any other way and I've been fortunate to not have to be caught up in a "his" "hers" "ours" battle. I wouldn't stand for it and I'm grateful it never came to a point where I had to choose. Without the support of your AH, I'm clueless.

Sending you support and hugs and that you carry the strength of your HP as long as this battle continues.

kfa2004

Gracey, I sorry you and your two older kids are having to go through this. I battled the same thing with my AH family for a couple of years after we got together. My oldest son is their step-grandchild. I finally told them if they weren't going to include the oldest child not to do anything for the two youngest. For several years none of them got anything, but they eventually come around. At that time I had my husband's support though. So, I really don't have an answer for you. Hang in there.
Hugs
Kat

redrose0729

Gracey I wish I had advice for you if the pizza had been brought into the house then I would make the 6yr old share it but since it did not. I would be pretty upset with my husband if he did not do something about his mother. I would hate to be disresected in my own home. There is nothing wrong with you doing something special for your oldest 2 children especially when the money used is from their father. I might think about telling your husband that everytime his mother buys just one child something that he needs to go out and buy something for the other 2 himself. I feel for you because unless you can move away from his mother there is not much you can do about it. You may want to consider sending the gifts back and telling her that she cannot accept them. I know that sounds harsh but if something doesn't break then I am afraid of what will happen as your youngest child gets older. I have friends whos parents have over spoiled thier children and they became so spoiled they were unmanageable. I will pray for you.
Rose

Gracey

She always does this when I am not home.........she knows better when I am home......

Lorelai

Hey Sweetie -
Something that really helped me was to try to take the focus off of what other people were doing and put the focus on what I could do to make myself feel more peace in the situation.

I think you've discovered that you aren't going to change what your H or your MIL are doing. You don't have any control over that. Talking to them obviously doesn't do any good because you've tried that a lot and it hasn't worked yet.

Maybe you should try to figure out what the hot button is about this that bothers you so much.

If it is that you feel sorry for your other kids, you can talk to them and explain that you know it isn't right but that it is out of your control and you aren't going to let it bother you anymore. I'm sure that they are more bothered by mom being in a bad mood than they are about not getting pizza.

If it is that you want Bree to eat dinner with you and the kids, you can make a rule that Bree sits at the table with you while you eat even if she's not hungry. You can tell her that you want to hear all about her day at school. Maybe she'll get sick of pizza and realize that your dinner looks better.

It is always possible that your hot button is much deeper than these things but only you know that. Something to think about anyway....
Hugs - L

brightlight

eating, I would take the other two and go eat. No problem. I would do it right then if possible. If it had to be the next day then I would bring something home for the other two and myself. You were also left out. I would explain to the 6-year-old why. I am not sure how your children are, but I can tell mine to the point I believe either one of my children would refuse something if the other was not included. If I told my child that it was not nice to leave out the other child then I think they would tell the grandparent or other person causing the problem. Most kids do that naturally, but your 6-year-old is being lured away and needs to be able to stand up for what is right, and what is right is what her mother tells her is right. If it upsets you then it is plain wrong. I would want my child to say to the grandmother, my mommy does not think it is right for you to leave out my sister and brother, so I am not eating without them.