CaringScared

Been having a rough few days. My boyfriend is on crack and did the disappearing act and I have been missing him and worrying. Caught a miserable cold in the process.

Woke up this morning to the phone ringing--him. The convo was what it was.

I hung up the phone and thought, What do I want the meaning of my life to be? Do I want it to be loving someone who's out of control and lost? When this world is so big and free?

I just read about five articles on The Onion. Laughing! It feels great! Remember what it's like to relax? To laugh?

I'm just going to laugh today. And try to ENJOY things.

Ann

Sounds like you are ready to turn a corner, CaringScared. Life with a crack addict is no life at all.

Hugs

CaringScared

His craziness and drama are so over the top that I almost have a heart attack whenever I hear a phone ring. That isn't normal.

He can be so subtly and/or overtly undermining, too, when he's in the cycle. Verbal jabs to throw me off base.

Need to keep reminding myself that it is not good or necessary to live in that orbit. I feel I might be close to going no contact, started the morning with that resolve, but didn't put my foot down when he called from the hospital. It's sad but I need to remind myself of all the events of the last weeks, which are only likely to play out in worse fashion. Need to not feel guilty OR resentful, just let it go.

Thanks for listening as I talk to myself...