Firesong

Is paranoia a real clinical medical condition? Or is it just worrying too much?
If you think someone is paranoid can you try to suggest they see someone for help?
If their rehab counselor and some of their friends tell them they are paranoid, can you agree with them and try to get the person to get help?

hopepraylove

We're not allowed (or necessarily qualified) to give medical advice on these forums...

Firesong, how are you doing? Have you been taking care of YOU?

XO

teatreeoil007

Many drug addicts are paranoid. Some alcoholics too. But with drug addiction, especially illicit drugs, I think there is more paranoia because of the illegal aspect. They are also paranoid that if people find out about stuff they will get in trouble, etc...so there can be a lot of paranoia of 'getting caught'. I guess this goes for any type of behavior in which a person doesn't want to get caught whether it is cheating or stealing or anything else a person could get caught with.

There is STILL so much STIGMA about addiction and mental illness. People are not ashamed to say they discovered they had a 90% blockage in a coronary artery, but often ashamed to say they are an addict.

If the stigma weren't so bad, I think that would bode well for an addict reaching out for help. It is often one of the hardest things for a person to simply say, "I need help."

Firesong

Thanks, hopepraylove. I honestly don't know how I am doing. But I AM taking care of me. I am keeping my phone turned off except when I want to turn it on. Today I have been watching things I want to watch on TV -- horse racing, comedies.

I am looking forward to a visit from out-of-town friends next week, friends I don't have to tiptoe around, who just want to hang out with me, want to know what I would enjoy doing while we're together, and who are not paranoid about anything or controlling. When I mentioned to them that I hoped a few days together would not have us all at each other's throats and angry, they said they could not imagine us being at each other's throats, we had never ever been angry at each other, what was I worried for?

Really made me think about how much I have changed since knowing this other guy, to the point where I am 50% worried about spending time with old friends, instead of 100% looking forward to having a good time with these folks.

teatreeoil007

That's great that you are doing something enjoyable and kind for YOU. It sounds as though you've been fairly anguished about your addict friend; what to do and what not. But there comes a time when we get an epiphany of sorts and realize that worrying may not change the OUTCOME...in my experience, worry usually does not change the outcome. There are MANY things we can do however, that can change our OWN outcome.

KNOWLEDGE is important--for sure--but only if we're being kind and gentle with ourselves as we work to discover who we are...Wholeheartedness is as much about embracing our tenderness and vulnerability as it is about developing knowledge and claiming power.

take good care...and by all means: Blessed Be...

hopepraylove

Hi Firesong,

Sounds like you have a really nice weekend ahead of you. I hope you had a nice Halloween. I wrote a post the other day on a thread where I talked about things I can "expect" now that I'm no longer with my ex. It sounds like a lot of realizations are aligned with them. It sounds like you're turning a corner.

Wishing all the best for you. Keep coming back and keep us updated.

saraylah

I am a recovered cocaine snorter / crack smoker. And I really believe that my paranoia which was drug induced all the years that I abused cocaine and smoked crack from the age of 17 until I got sober at 37 has stayed with me. Sometimes I feel like it comes as flashback feelings. I feel scared and paranoid the way that I did when I would do too much cocaine or smoke too much crack. I call them anxiety attacks and although they are rare I have to talk myself through the attacks. Paranoia is horrible I say. I cannot stand it but I accept it as a side effect of my drug abuse.

hopepraylove

When my ex was smoking crack, he was incredibly paranoid. He used to stand at the window at the front of the house and peak outside because he thought "the cops were after him." I remember vividly one time he called me while he was driving, he was talking incredibly fast and then abruptly hung up because "he was getting pulled over."

In retrospect, these were all signs of his drug addiction...at the time I didn't know it, I wasn't well versed in it...I was naive.

Now I know better.

Firesong

Thanks, saraylah and hopepraylove. I appreciate your insight from your experience. This friend of mine had good reason to be paranoid when he was using so it's understandable that he has memories of that. I guess I figured that once he got clean and was staying clean, and hadn't lost his job or anything secure like that, that he would get past the paranoia. I was really wrong about that.

Firesong

I had hoped he would not call again but he called me this evening. We had a nice normal conversation and then he started his paranoid talking again, accusing me of saying things I shouldn't. I just wanted to get off the phone with him. But after we hung up he started texting me, accusing me of saying things.
It's like he's turned into some sort of monster and it's scary.

hopepraylove

Keep your walls up Firesong, he doesn't sound sober.

Firesong

Thanks, hopepraylove. I really appreciate your reply. After I read another text he sent me, I finally realized (it took me awhile!) that he had not been accusing me of saying anything I shouldn't. He had actually been accusing me of making obscene phone calls to him and of having phone sex with him (I'm not going to repeat his actual words from the text). It took me awhile to figure it out. What makes it worse is HE is the one who wanted our friendship to be just a friendship, no "romantic" or sexual aspect, and I said OK, fine. That was back when I first knew him so of course I was fine with that, and it never changed. And now for the first time ever since I have known him he brings out the sex talk but instead of wanting it, he accuses me of this.
I am so angry right now, and disgusted, I feel sick. I mean really sick. I keep feeling like I'm gonna throw up.
I have no idea how to react to all this. I have never been accused of anything like this before. I am not a prude. I have been in a couple of relationships before, with good men, but to accuse me of this is just so far off the wall I have no idea why he is doing it. Maybe if he had wanted sex with me and I had said no, but he was the one who brought it up in the beginning -- let's keep this just a friendship, OK? and I said OK.
Why does he hate me so much?
No, I know none of you can answer that ... it's just a rhetorical question.

hopepraylove

Firesong, I think it may be time to consider detaching (with love) from your friend...you really should look into the book "codependent no more" and try to get to some Coda meetings...have you started alanon? You need to turn the focus onto yourself and why you feel the need to analyze his erratic behavior...please take care of yourself. You'll drive yourself insane with analyzing the crazy. You can't reason with crazy, you can't make sense of crazy...IT'S CRAZY. Even after someone gets sober, if they had prolonged drug use or alcohol abuse the effects of it will linger. Keep coming back and read the suggestions and words of fellow community members.

Hugs.

Vale

Why does he hate me so much?
No, I know none of you can answer that ... it's just a rhetorical question.


I can answer it. He doesn't hate you. He hates what he has
allowed himself to become........you are just the only one
who will (currently) listen.......

Firesong

Good point, Vale. Thank you. When I did use to listen to him, I was always ready to offer acceptance even when I couldn't actually understand (he'd told me I couldn't since I didn't have the same experiences -- made sense to me). I could offer sympathy if not empathy. But the way he was talking last night, all I wanted to do was retaliate in words just as angry. Maybe that is easier for him to accept than acceptance and sympathy.

Thanks, hopepraylove. You sound some of my friends out here -- they would tell you I overanalyze EVERYTHING!

Hugs are better. Thanks.

saraylah

The question is , IS Your friend who is having this paranoia sober or in active addiction? There is a difference in the state of paranoia when a person is high than when a person is sober and just experiencing anxiety attacks. The paranoia I had when I used sounds alot like your friends paranoia. If i was with a group of friends I was paranoid that they were plotting to kill me. When I was with my ex and we were high together he would start singing about all kinds of crazy stuff and I thought he was secretly telling me how he was going to get me and kill me. Now that I am sober, sometimes I may feel the anxiety just enough to get me antsy. Not too long ago I had an anxiety attack that caused me to have to go to a friend's house because I was thinking someone was following me to car jack me and kill me. Sounds so freaking silly and I could not believe that I was actually feeling that way sober but there I was and even my friend said that when I started telling her that someone was following me she thought I had relapsed but she saw that I had my children with me and could tell that I was sober and she knew I was just experiencing an anxiety attack...I was also having post partum depression at the time cause I had just had my son who is seven months now. Anyway we cannot give medical advice on this forum but your friend sounds like they are actively using or maybe having some onset of a mental disorder. They need to go see a doctor. I hope they find help some way. If I were you I would let them know that I would not be answering their calls anymore because of the way you are being treated. YOU do not need to be part of anyone's delusion. NO matter how much of a friend they are to you and you to them, sometimes for your own well being you need to step away. If they really wanted to get help they would. Mental disorder or active addiction, when you get tired of an unhealthy life you will seek help from somewhere. Stay safe and do not carry anyone else's baggage. They do not care enough about themself to seek the help they certainly are going to care about you and how their delusions are making you feel.

JOIE12

please read Co dependent No More by Melody Beattie

Often, compassion is knowing when to let go, for his sake.
This is his path, not yours.

I wish you peace and I think his issues are becoming yours. An unhealthy relationship will bring you crazy. Hugs for you FS