BellJar7

Just woke up to sober morning number three, and I am EXHAUSTED. Still no sleep. I didn't have any nightmares, and I'm very thankful for that. The last time I tried keeping dry (just for a week, of course- "to see if I can do it"), I had two nights of horrible nightmares and caved. I'd like to think this time since I'm not just dipping my toes in the water, maybe God is showing me some grace and helping with the nightmares.

I did toss and turn all night though. It's almost as if I'd fall asleep thinking about something and then wake up still in that thought an hour or so later. I'm not even sure I slept for a full hour, actually.

My life up to this point is a jumbled mess of contradictions and dichotomies, so in full irony, as I'm sobering up, I have a final due today for my last class in graduate school- a Psychopharmacology class. Wish me luck, as this is the last course I have, and my grades in this class have suffered pretty bad as I've continued spiraling out of control with my drinking. I've gotta clean up my messes, close that chapter of school, and move on.

I'm just so tired I can't even think straight...

But at least I'm not hung over.

BellJar

JD

Hello BellJar. Insomnia is pretty typical the first week. It'll get better pretty quickly. Just hang in there. 3 days is great going. For me, my emotions where all over the place, they still are but not as bad, so be prepared for that too.

BellJar7

Thanks jd, I can relate to the emotions. Mine are crazy! I'm fighting with my husband, snapping at my kids, crying over hot glue getting on my fingernail last night while working on Halloween costumes ("This manicure cost me $40 and now it's RUINED!!!" the glue came off and my nail is fine. Sheesh).

I also feel foggy. It's hard to describe. I feel disconnected from what's going on around me and I find it kind of difficult to concentrate when someone is talking to me. My husband was venting about something earlier, and I was going in and out of listening to him. My mind is just wandering all over the place now.

JD

Lol, don't worry, everything you're experiencing is pretty typical. For me it really calmed down after the first week. By no means has it all gone away,I still experience the changing emotions but to a much less extent. For reference I'm on day 46.

DreaJean

I am so glad you brought this up! I am more afraid of getting fired than I have been sober! It's taking ALL my might to not get frustrated! I have an intense job in IT and there's alot of problem solving and its been really tough! I am taking everything personally, and almost cried b/c a co-worker seemed to be 'nicer' to another co-worker than me? OMG its so dramatic!! Thanks for posting!! Trying to hang in there!

Soberwolf

Congrats BellJar

DaisyBee

Congrats on another hangover-free morning! Aren't they great? I had terrible foggy brain and snappy woman syndrome for the first 8-10 days. At day 23 I'm doing much better. If you hang in there you will see it too. I've also found that exercise and vitamins are helping me sleep better although I didn't even go there until after 14 days.

Better days are ahead of you. Just keep going!

BellJar7

Thanks everyone! DaisyBee, I've also started exercising, and my doc prescribed me 10 mg of Lexapro to help with the overwhelming sense of doom that is causing serious temptations (I drink to escape those feelings of depression- although alcohol is a depressant). The Lexapro will take a couple of weeks to help, but I'd rather be on an SSRI than on wine. And hopefully as I get more into exercise, I won't need the SSRI at all. I realize now though, it's really okay if I need that to deal with my depression and anxiety. That's much better than drinking.

DaisyBee

Bell,
I also started Lexapro (5mg) on week 1 and now at day 23 I can tell it has kicked it. I was drinking 1-2 bottles of wine every day and definitely was medicating myself to address my issues with stress and depression. What I didn't realize was that the wine was ADDING to the problem, not helping it. I've started going to the gym, specifically group classes like Zumba which give me a big surge of positive feelings. I encourage you to push yourself to do the exercise. It made a big difference for my mood. I also hope to only be on the SSRI for a maximum of 9 months.

I NEVER imagined being able to go this long without wine but now I cannot imagine ever feeling hungover again. My body is so much healthier already.

PM me if you want to chat. We have some things in common.

PurpleKnight

Day 3 is fantastic BellJar!! Keep it going!!