I'm an RA

Old 10-28-2015, 10:05 PM
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I'm an RA

Haven't drank for over a year, I think it was last Sept I went on a binge. I was trying to deal with my ex then, and being told I owe him $39,000 .

It's gotten a lot worse for me. Thing is I'm not worried about drinking anymore, because that would mean that I would have to leave my home to go and get it.

I can get almost everything through amazon, so I don't have to leave. I guess sometime in November I will make a trip out to get meats and milk and cheese.

I think I did pass over to the possibly needing to be institutionalized.

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Old 10-28-2015, 11:33 PM
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Amy, are you leaving your house at all anymore? Have you tried therapy or a support group? I am a recovering alcoholic myself. I understand. You aren't alone.
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Old 10-29-2015, 12:56 AM
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I drive to my gas station to buy cigarettes. Good thing I have that habit. No, I don't go anyplace any more. I also try to go to my friends house once a week to watch a game. I do this so they don't get suspicious of how I am doing.
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Old 10-29-2015, 01:15 AM
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Amy- it sounds like it might be time to reach out for some help. You have been through a lot in your life and carrying the burden all by yourself. Maybe it's time to get some help carrying all of that weight. There are a lot of survivor groups out there.

Are you working? Eating three meals a day and showering regularly?
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Old 10-29-2015, 01:41 AM
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Working? no, I retired from the government at age 45 and receive a pension. I always wanted to return to the work force after my cancer treatments, just never did. I had to get away from him. I also get alimony so money situation is OK.

I try to eat at least once a day. Haven't been doing well there.

Recently I bathe now at least 3 -4 times a day. Prior to this, I would bathe perhaps 3 times a week.

I do know that I am going down. I can't get myself to make changes. I'm up at 4:30 in the morning, and I can't sleep. I can't really move either. I took Valerian Root.
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Old 10-29-2015, 01:47 AM
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My TV stopped working also tonight. I had called the cable company a few times. My remote wasn't working. They told me to do it manually on the TV. I did. I can't even get my Netflix working tonight. At least before if my TV wasn't working my netflix would. I know I can get this on the computer.
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Old 10-29-2015, 01:51 AM
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I just feel like I am a failure at everything. I can't even change a light bulb. I used to be able to fix an auger on a snow blower. Now it seems like I can't do anything right. Why did I ever buy a house when I don't know how anything works?
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Old 10-29-2015, 01:53 AM
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Amy,

You are starting to exhibit some concerning behaviors. I want you to stick around and keep posting here regularly but I think you should get in touch with a crisis center. The bathing is looking like OCD and not leaving your house could be agoraphobia. I am really concerned. Please don't be frightened off by what I am saying. Sometimes things are simply too much for us to deal with alone. We are here with you and will do our best to help.
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Old 10-29-2015, 02:42 AM
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happy, please don't worry about me. I did just get out of the tub again, or I would have responded sooner. I didn't feel clean. I think years and years and years of living with someone who I do suspect has finally did me in. I am aware of OCD and agoraphobia. I am agoraphobic. I am afraid to leave my house except for certain destinations because I think people will hurt me. The OCD with bathing just happened recently. I just never feel clean anymore.

I also used a new hair dye. It makes my hair feel greasey. I now wash my hair 2 times a day. I know it's not normal. My hair is very dry. I don't have to wash my hair usually for 5 to 6 days.

it's strange, because I am aware that I am losing it. Today, will I call the cable company, probably not, will I fight with that TV, probably will. Will I go to my mailbox, probably not. I'll find some clothes to wash , and vacuum up cat hair.
Will also cut up boxes from amazon to use the cardboard to start a fire in my wood stove.

I need to get ready to go to a wedding next Friday. This is really something that I don't want to do.
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Old 10-29-2015, 03:01 AM
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I need to apologize, I am sounding crazy. I would like to just delete this thread.
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Old 10-29-2015, 03:04 AM
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Amy hon, Please, please get help today.

Love you
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Old 10-29-2015, 03:15 AM
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I really don't know where to go. I trust this place, that's why I came here.

I'm not going to hurt myself, I have nothing here in my house for that. The last time when I did actually have things (pills) in my house, I called 911 on myself.
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Old 10-29-2015, 03:35 AM
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Hey Amy,
Sorry I disappeared for a while. My day officially started and I had some things to take care of. Being aware of your behaviors is a great sign. Now you need to do something about it. I did a quick search and couldn't find a mental health crisis phone number for your state. It looks like each county has one. So, I recommend you call your state's suicide hotline. They are there to help and they care.

If you don't please make an appointment with your doctor. Tell him/her what is going on and accept their help.

Agoraphobia is a crippling disorder than can have far reaching consequences but you don't need to suffer. The OCD is a symptom of your feeling a loss of control but it needn't be that way.

I am so very glad you are here reaching out. I just hope you will reach out a little further to those in the medical field with experience to help you as well
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Old 10-29-2015, 05:07 AM
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Amy-
We care!!!

It sounds like you are very sad. There is help out there for you. Please try and make baby steps. Call someone to get your TV fixed. Lots of times it is the cable company and you can't do anything about it yourself. You already pay to have that service for them to repair things.

Please reach out to a trusted friend or family member. They can help you find someone who might come out and talk to you. You can get through this rough time in your life. We are all so worth it!! Please reach out for some guidance.

Hugs my friend!!!!
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Old 10-29-2015, 06:28 AM
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Amy...babe....I am so sorry you are struggling.

I hope you reach out to get help for these issues. You are such a wonderful person, and you DESERVE the happy life that goes with that. As far as owning a home, I get ya. I own a home and I don't know how to do anything to fix anything. I hired a handyman who I can text what is wrong and he will either tell me how to fix it, or he is there the next day to do it for me. When I got divorced I hired him, and a guy to do my lawn. Done and done. They are high on my list of important people LOL.

We love you. Keep posing, you are never alone, we support you 100% percent my dear friend!
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Old 10-29-2015, 06:38 AM
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Originally Posted by amy55 View Post
I really don't know where to go. I trust this place, that's why I came here.
I trust SR too Amy, and one of the things that really helped me was taking the advice of the others here when I was in crisis. It sounds to me like you are in crisis and a lot of people are telling you to seek help, I think that's a good idea. You could call your doctor, or any doctor -or any local crisis hotline you could even call 911 if you feel it's truly an emergency crisis. Either way, isolating yourself is not health and talking to someone about that would be of great benefit to you. There are most likely lots of local numbers right in the front of your phonebook for crisis centers if you don't know who to call.
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Old 10-29-2015, 06:49 AM
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((((((Amy)))))) We care a lot. You give so much of yourself here at SR, always sharing such thoughtful, caring advice. Can you do the same for yourself now? I know it's hard to think about things logically when emotions & feelings get so strong & compulsive..... but even one little baby step toward reaching out & not isolating can make all the difference.


BTW - I can't fix a damn thing at my house either, like hopeful I found myself a great local handyman & let go of things that are beyond my talents. (I have always struggled with mechanical type of stuff.) He & my plumber (well-water systems here) are higher on my Christmas Card List than my IL's.
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Old 10-29-2015, 06:55 AM
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Hi, Amy... I agree with others that you should reach out for some help right now. We are here for you of course, and I thank you for taking a big step and feeling safe enough to reach out and talk to us here on SR about your struggles. If you don't feel this is an "emergency", perhaps you could call 211 which is for community services information to see what resources are available to you. Here is their website for more information https://www.fcc.gov/guides/dial-211-...unity-services

I know of an older lady who is an anxiety-ridden alcoholic who has stopped drinking but has become a shut-in and I truly feel she is slowly driving herself crazy because of so little interaction with others. She doesn't even get on a computer. The only human interaction she has is a phone call on some days with her sister. She is deteriorating. Human interaction is so critical. Hopefully you can get on your feet with some medical help from a professional. Perhaps you could volunteer somewhere when you're back on your feet doing something that pleases you. Meanwhile, we're here to "talk" to and share with you. Please let us know how you're doing, Amy.
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Old 10-29-2015, 06:56 AM
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Amy, everyone here is very concerned about you. It's possible that you, in the middle of the situation, don't quite see it clearly. To most of us, looking in from the outside, it sounds a bit scary. I would strongly suggest you talk to your dr and tell him your feelings. Please take care of yourself.
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Old 10-29-2015, 08:00 AM
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Amy, you have helped so many of us on this forum. You advised us to reach out. You advised me to reach out and call the DV hotline when I was going through that major crisis with my AH. And I did it, and it was probably a life-saving decision. Today, I urge you to do the same. You need to reach out and call your doctor. What you describe also sounds a bit like depression as well. You just sound so overwhelmed by so many things and I think you should try to relax a bit and take it easy. You know how on this forum we care for each other and support each other. And we really all do care about you.
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