Uh no...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: New England
Posts: 68
Uh no...
So AH was drunk by 5:30 last night and in bed by 6:30 after taking a sleeping pill. He has scheduled overtime tonight starting at midnight. Was supposed to work today from 7:00 to 3:30.
He called in today to take a vacation day and is planning to go to work at midnight. He asked if he would annoy me today by being home. I replied yes if he sat on the couch all day and drank (which would also mean no OT tonite). So he said he wasn't going to drink but that he wanted to watch Netflix movies and was I up for that with him.
Uh no...for starters I have stuff to do even though I don't work outside the home right now. I know he'll drink and if I leave him alone for the day he'll drink more but if I sit here with him I'm going to get more annoyed and anxious by the minute.
Yes I get that we haven't spent any time alone lately but it's not like he took the time off to spend with me. He took it because he has a hangover. Why should he be rewarded for that and why does it make me feel guilty that I don't want to hang out with him???
I don't expect answers just wanted to vent. And I do know that it's best for ME to not babysit or entertain him today.
He called in today to take a vacation day and is planning to go to work at midnight. He asked if he would annoy me today by being home. I replied yes if he sat on the couch all day and drank (which would also mean no OT tonite). So he said he wasn't going to drink but that he wanted to watch Netflix movies and was I up for that with him.
Uh no...for starters I have stuff to do even though I don't work outside the home right now. I know he'll drink and if I leave him alone for the day he'll drink more but if I sit here with him I'm going to get more annoyed and anxious by the minute.
Yes I get that we haven't spent any time alone lately but it's not like he took the time off to spend with me. He took it because he has a hangover. Why should he be rewarded for that and why does it make me feel guilty that I don't want to hang out with him???
I don't expect answers just wanted to vent. And I do know that it's best for ME to not babysit or entertain him today.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
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Good morning Slowclimb.
What a way to start the day. Right?
You seem to already know that there's no way for you to effect the outcome of this day one way or the other. He's either going to pull it together and get himself to work tonight, or not. You're just along for the ride.
It sounds like your day has pretty much already been ruined. Is there any way you can get yourself out of the house today? Maybe get together with a friend, or hit an Alanon meeting. Even running errands would be better than sitting around watching him do his thing.
Anyway. I'll be thinking of you today. I've been in your shoes more times than I care to remember. (((((((((( hugs ))))))))))
What a way to start the day. Right?
You seem to already know that there's no way for you to effect the outcome of this day one way or the other. He's either going to pull it together and get himself to work tonight, or not. You're just along for the ride.
It sounds like your day has pretty much already been ruined. Is there any way you can get yourself out of the house today? Maybe get together with a friend, or hit an Alanon meeting. Even running errands would be better than sitting around watching him do his thing.
Anyway. I'll be thinking of you today. I've been in your shoes more times than I care to remember. (((((((((( hugs ))))))))))
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by slowclimb 
And I do know that it's best for ME to not babysit or entertain him today.
So what ARE you going to do today?
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: GA, USA
Posts: 107
Uhhh this was me this past weekend. I always enjoy going camping or traveling in the fall (its the best time of year!) so I always save up a good deal of my 15 vacation days to use Oct - Dec. Well, clearly, I am not going to be going anywhere with him because he's always drunk but we also dont have any money. Ive been solely responsibile for everything for the last few years and I just dont feel like paying for him to get drunk and ruin my vacation.
So I sat home. For FOUR ENTIRE DAYS!
It was absolutely aggravating to see him going back and forth from the garage to the fridge as I cleaned the house, brought in groceries, cooked, blah blah for FOUR ENTIRE DAYS! I didnt say anything to him about it. No amount of complaining would ever make him stop.
When he'd ask if I wanted anything to do with him, Id just tell him, "No, i dont want to argue with you" Or "I dont want to have anything to do with you if youre going to drink all day" OR "You chose alcohol today".
This past weekend was extremely LOOOOOONNNGGGGG
So I sat home. For FOUR ENTIRE DAYS!
It was absolutely aggravating to see him going back and forth from the garage to the fridge as I cleaned the house, brought in groceries, cooked, blah blah for FOUR ENTIRE DAYS! I didnt say anything to him about it. No amount of complaining would ever make him stop.
When he'd ask if I wanted anything to do with him, Id just tell him, "No, i dont want to argue with you" Or "I dont want to have anything to do with you if youre going to drink all day" OR "You chose alcohol today".
This past weekend was extremely LOOOOOONNNGGGGG
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: SoCal
Posts: 73
Just wanted to say that I feel your frustration so clearly right now. I posted about a similar situation over the weekend - first time in just about forever we had an evening to ourselves. He had just lashed out at me and hurt me (and quite frankly pissed me off as well lol!)
I cancelled our plans and told him I wanted a few minutes to talk while the kids were gone and after that, we were free to do what we wanted - together or not. It wasn't perfect, but it left me more peaceful than just keeping the peace would have.
Try and get yourself away if you can, even just for coffee and let him do his thing. (())
I cancelled our plans and told him I wanted a few minutes to talk while the kids were gone and after that, we were free to do what we wanted - together or not. It wasn't perfect, but it left me more peaceful than just keeping the peace would have.
Try and get yourself away if you can, even just for coffee and let him do his thing. (())
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: New England
Posts: 68
Thank you everyone. I ended up leaving for a couple hours to pick up my dad's RX and fill his pill pods. Then I stopped at my mom's and dropped off some leftovers and picked up her grocery list. My dad wasn't home when I was at his house but my mom was so we chatted for a bit.
Came home around 1pm and he was pretty buzzed. Work had cancelled the OT due to the weather....which gave him license to continue drinking. He took a nap from 2:30 to 4:30, got up and hit the vodka again. At 7:30 he was doing the shuffle and pinball walk down the hall to bed.
I kept myself busy in the kitchen for the small amount of time we were alone together. Then DD and I made cookies when she got home and I threw together easy kids supper. Wasn't going to make what I planned as I knew he wouldn't eat it anyways. DS and I worked on his book report project and then I read until bedtime.
He made it out the door this morning but I can't imagine how crappy he probably feels. I made no comments about his drinking, didn't ask how he was feeling today but was pleasant.
I read my al-anon books this morning already and have done some browsing here. I need to take my dad to do some banking and grocery shopping and also have a bunch of household paperwork to do. I've been a bit down in the dumps lately and it's had me procrastinating and not wanting to leave my house or interact much with people. So even if it's just my dad and errands I still think it will be good for me to get out.
Al-anon meeting tomorrow - trying to keep my calendar clear and my will focused on going back again. I didn't manage to go last time I said I was going to
Came home around 1pm and he was pretty buzzed. Work had cancelled the OT due to the weather....which gave him license to continue drinking. He took a nap from 2:30 to 4:30, got up and hit the vodka again. At 7:30 he was doing the shuffle and pinball walk down the hall to bed.
I kept myself busy in the kitchen for the small amount of time we were alone together. Then DD and I made cookies when she got home and I threw together easy kids supper. Wasn't going to make what I planned as I knew he wouldn't eat it anyways. DS and I worked on his book report project and then I read until bedtime.
He made it out the door this morning but I can't imagine how crappy he probably feels. I made no comments about his drinking, didn't ask how he was feeling today but was pleasant.
I read my al-anon books this morning already and have done some browsing here. I need to take my dad to do some banking and grocery shopping and also have a bunch of household paperwork to do. I've been a bit down in the dumps lately and it's had me procrastinating and not wanting to leave my house or interact much with people. So even if it's just my dad and errands I still think it will be good for me to get out.
Al-anon meeting tomorrow - trying to keep my calendar clear and my will focused on going back again. I didn't manage to go last time I said I was going to
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: New England
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by SeriousKarma
"Pinball Walk"
I've never heard that one before! Wish I had that when I lived with my XAH.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
I've never heard that one before! Wish I had that when I lived with my XAH.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: GA, USA
Posts: 107
Hahaha the pinball walk def sums it up perfectly. The sway dance is my favorite. Not.
Ugh. Does everyone elses ASO stand there in your face and sway, slur and repeat everything but swears they're not drunk?? I say, "I'm sorry I can't understand you, what was that? You're slurring." And he raises his voice, so I can hear LOUD and clear, and says it slowly so I can understand. But he's never drunk. Oh no, not Ever. I'd return the beer if I drank that much and never, literally NEVER, managed to get "drunk".
Ugh. Does everyone elses ASO stand there in your face and sway, slur and repeat everything but swears they're not drunk?? I say, "I'm sorry I can't understand you, what was that? You're slurring." And he raises his voice, so I can hear LOUD and clear, and says it slowly so I can understand. But he's never drunk. Oh no, not Ever. I'd return the beer if I drank that much and never, literally NEVER, managed to get "drunk".
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