Call the PO?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 223
Call the PO?
I was wondering what the thoughts are on calling someone's PO?
On one hand, NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
On the other hand, sometimes our addicts are sneaky. And UAs can be doctored.
I believe POs know a lot more than we think they might, and may let things "slide" if the overall picture is looking better than not.... But sometimes maybe the PO is missing a few puzzle pieces.
If the family's in on his actions, how would the PO figure everything out? Meaning, I'm not sure the family will come clean if asked--NO ONE wants to be a snitch.
I've done it before, and I want to stay out of it now...
Where is the line between letting things play out, and intervening for safety? Or is it just my piece of mind I need to resolve?
On one hand, NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
On the other hand, sometimes our addicts are sneaky. And UAs can be doctored.
I believe POs know a lot more than we think they might, and may let things "slide" if the overall picture is looking better than not.... But sometimes maybe the PO is missing a few puzzle pieces.
If the family's in on his actions, how would the PO figure everything out? Meaning, I'm not sure the family will come clean if asked--NO ONE wants to be a snitch.
I've done it before, and I want to stay out of it now...
Where is the line between letting things play out, and intervening for safety? Or is it just my piece of mind I need to resolve?
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
What is your motivation for doing so?
I believe a lot of PO's are overwhelmed with people who don't pass the UA's. The jails are full, the PO's are not sure what to do next sometimes.
Sometimes I wish I would have told my X's PO what was going on, other times, I figure it is not my deal. I dunno.
If I were using that as a tool to protect my children, I would absolutely do it.
I believe a lot of PO's are overwhelmed with people who don't pass the UA's. The jails are full, the PO's are not sure what to do next sometimes.
Sometimes I wish I would have told my X's PO what was going on, other times, I figure it is not my deal. I dunno.
If I were using that as a tool to protect my children, I would absolutely do it.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by auroraxborealis 
Idk. I haven't yet.
And pardon me for being blunt, but by your own admission, what your AXBF is or isn't doing is none of your business. Yet you're contemplating making it your business.
What in God's name has to happen in order for you to put this a-hole in your rearview mirror permanently?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 223
Oh my, forgive me for asking for input.
I don't think we have to benefit from every action we make. I think breaking even is considered a win sometimes. Not right now, but in general.
And honestly? Death to him and his entire family. I mean that's extreme but I'm not willing to lose everyone else for one person. Not worth it.
I don't think we have to benefit from every action we make. I think breaking even is considered a win sometimes. Not right now, but in general.
And honestly? Death to him and his entire family. I mean that's extreme but I'm not willing to lose everyone else for one person. Not worth it.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by auroraxborealis
Oh my, forgive me for asking for input.
I don't think we have to benefit from every action we make. I think breaking even is considered a win sometimes. Not right now, but in general.
And honestly? Death to him and his entire family. I mean that's extreme but I'm not willing to lose everyone else for one person. Not worth it.
I don't think we have to benefit from every action we make. I think breaking even is considered a win sometimes. Not right now, but in general.
And honestly? Death to him and his entire family. I mean that's extreme but I'm not willing to lose everyone else for one person. Not worth it.
We "benefit" by putting people who have hurt us in our rearview mirror, because when we make that decision, that reduces the probability that they'll hurt us to nearly zero.
There is, for example, no possible way that my AXGF can contact me. Not over email. Not on LinkedIn. Not by phone. That cord has been permanently, irrevocably cut.
If you choose to contact his PO, that's on you. You own it. It's not a choice I would want you to make, but then again I don't pay an emotional price for that. But you might pay a price. And that doesn't benefit you at all.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
first off, HIS PO should not be talking to anyone about HIS client.....nor taking the word of an EX girlfriend and acting upon that. POs have huge client loads and do the best they can.
second, you are not in charge of the EX's life.....you don't get to call the shots or try to redirect his path.
third, if you truly do have a humanitarian desire to save a life, why not volunteer at a soup kitchen or Meals on Wheels or volunteer as a candy-striper at a local hospital, where you CAN make a difference.
second, you are not in charge of the EX's life.....you don't get to call the shots or try to redirect his path.
third, if you truly do have a humanitarian desire to save a life, why not volunteer at a soup kitchen or Meals on Wheels or volunteer as a candy-striper at a local hospital, where you CAN make a difference.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
If I were a PO I would be offended by your post,
I'm sure the PO in question has had the proper education, training, experience to do his job just fine. He does not need you to help him "fill in the pieces"
I can't state enough how this is just none of you business.
You need to find something else to occupy your time.
You live in Alaska for god sakes there must be something else you could be doing then hasseling the PO. I'm sure he is doing a fine job.
I'm sure the PO in question has had the proper education, training, experience to do his job just fine. He does not need you to help him "fill in the pieces"
I can't state enough how this is just none of you business.
You need to find something else to occupy your time.
You live in Alaska for god sakes there must be something else you could be doing then hasseling the PO. I'm sure he is doing a fine job.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 223
I've talked to the PO before and did not receive any indication that I was doing his job for him. I'm not underestimating his ability, and I know he knows his clientele
Yes I live in Alaska. Have you BEEN to Alaska? Not a whole lot to do here! But I get your point.
Yes I live in Alaska. Have you BEEN to Alaska? Not a whole lot to do here! But I get your point.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
first off, HIS PO should not be talking to anyone about HIS client.....nor taking the word of an EX girlfriend and acting upon that. POs have huge client loads and do the best they can. second, you are not in charge of the EX's life.....you don't get to call the shots or try to redirect his path. third, if you truly do have a humanitarian desire to save a life, why not volunteer at a soup kitchen or Meals on Wheels or volunteer as a candy-striper at a local hospital, where you CAN make a difference.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by jjj111
Aurora, I haven't seen you in a while. How are you doing? Are you finding ways to take care of yourself? I hope you're building some time to take good care of Aurora into your life.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
when i got put on probation i had to do 2 aa meeti gs/wk for a year. since it was a county 100 miles away, just had to send my signed slips in to my PO.
and was still drinking. even stopped going to meetings. bought signatures at the bar for the price of a beer. even would go through the phone book all drunked up and pull names and numbers out of it.
what would have happened if PO found out i was still drinking?
cant say, but i would have kept drinking because i wasnt ready to stop. still in denial that alcohol was a problem.
as for the PO's, my sponsor was a PO in metro detroit. only recovering alcoholic PO in that jurisdiction. NONE of them are dumb. they have heard it all and seen quite a bit.they have a pretty good idea of when someone got a wake up call and is truly doing something about it and when someone is going to try and wiggle around the laws.quite a few times my sponsor received phone calls,letters, and visits from loved ones. his reaction is to let the alcoholic dig their own hole. take that time that would be wasted breath and use it for those that are honestly seeking help.
why? because it is next to impossible to get anything through the head of an alcoholic in denial.
which i personally can attest to.
when my son was about 5 his mom hadda talk with me about how alcohol was getting in the way of my relationship with my son. i sat,listened patiently, then said," im heading to the store for a 12 pack. want anything?"
and was still drinking. even stopped going to meetings. bought signatures at the bar for the price of a beer. even would go through the phone book all drunked up and pull names and numbers out of it.
what would have happened if PO found out i was still drinking?
cant say, but i would have kept drinking because i wasnt ready to stop. still in denial that alcohol was a problem.
as for the PO's, my sponsor was a PO in metro detroit. only recovering alcoholic PO in that jurisdiction. NONE of them are dumb. they have heard it all and seen quite a bit.they have a pretty good idea of when someone got a wake up call and is truly doing something about it and when someone is going to try and wiggle around the laws.quite a few times my sponsor received phone calls,letters, and visits from loved ones. his reaction is to let the alcoholic dig their own hole. take that time that would be wasted breath and use it for those that are honestly seeking help.
why? because it is next to impossible to get anything through the head of an alcoholic in denial.
which i personally can attest to.
when my son was about 5 his mom hadda talk with me about how alcohol was getting in the way of my relationship with my son. i sat,listened patiently, then said," im heading to the store for a 12 pack. want anything?"
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