are first visits always so awful?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: houston tx
Posts: 2
are first visits always so awful?
My wife of 4 years just started inpatient rehab 8 days ago. I visited with her yesterday. It was awful. She stared at her watch every ten minutes, never asked about me or how things were going, seemed put out. I'm afraid she had an affair with an ex of hers in the months before she went in. She lied repeatedly about the relationship. She has this persons number with her at rehab. I'm afraid I'm the idiot who got her in rehab and is keeping everything going at home but that she has plans to leave me for this person once she's out. How long do they keep lying? When do they start confessing or apologizing. I feel so insecure and scared. I don't know if I want to visit this week or not. I felt like she was so distant
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
onhold, Welcome.
More will be revealed. Have you asked her straight up whether she's seeing someone else? Now would be the time to confront this, while she has good counseling help.
There's no reason why you can't get this out in the open. Then if that is the case, she can find a halfway house to go to when she is released from inpatient care.
Don't live in "what if" though. Find out the truth.
You certainly don't have to visit if you don't want to. Do you have any support for yourself? Counseling? Al Anon? Family?
More will be revealed. Have you asked her straight up whether she's seeing someone else? Now would be the time to confront this, while she has good counseling help.
There's no reason why you can't get this out in the open. Then if that is the case, she can find a halfway house to go to when she is released from inpatient care.
Don't live in "what if" though. Find out the truth.
You certainly don't have to visit if you don't want to. Do you have any support for yourself? Counseling? Al Anon? Family?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Originally Posted by onhold 
How long do they keep lying? When do they start confessing or apologizing. I feel so insecure and scared.
It's probably good to note that not all alcoholics are identical. Lying and denial is often part of alcoholism, but it will depend on the individual as to how he/she deals with this. I'm sorry you're going through this, but recovery often involves a lot of change and it's hard for both people in a relationship.
What are you doing for yourself while your partner is in rehab? It might be a good idea for you to try AlAnon as a support for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by onhold
My wife of 4 years just started inpatient rehab 8 days ago. I visited with her yesterday. It was awful. She stared at her watch every ten minutes, never asked about me or how things were going, seemed put out. I'm afraid she had an affair with an ex of hers in the months before she went in. She lied repeatedly about the relationship. She has this persons number with her at rehab. I'm afraid I'm the idiot who got her in rehab and is keeping everything going at home but that she has plans to leave me for this person once she's out. How long do they keep lying? When do they start confessing or apologizing. I feel so insecure and scared. I don't know if I want to visit this week or not. I felt like she was so distant
Fear.
That is what often dictates our behavior.
Sometimes we are afraid of asking certain questions because we are afraid of what the answer might be...
But, sometimes we are relieved by the answers and realize our fears were for naught. You will never know unless you ask her and unless she doesn't lie. So, there are a few if's involved here. Then too, knowing she is in rehab and needing to focus on that you may be afraid of upsetting her or distracting her with those type of questions...
Only you can decide what you can live with. Only you can take steps to make your own self happy and healthy with or without anyone else. If I were you I would take FULL advantage of the fact that she is in rehab and working on herself. Try not to worry about her and worry about you. You are worth it!
Whether of not she's interested in someone else will come to light...it always does one way or another. But no matter what happens on that front, you got to be happy for yourself and no one else. I know that relationships are about more than yourself...I totally get that...but there are times when it needs to be about YOU...
Blessed Be...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
