Day one
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Sterling Heights
Posts: 39
Day one
My name is Dan, I'm 41 and I'm an alcoholic and looking to lead a life of sobriety. Every morning I wake up and tell myself I won't drink today, every night after work, I fail. I drink alone because I'm ashamed of how bad I've become. I'm a functioning alcoholic, I work a lot, I even do a good job, but lately I feel like a shell of my former self. I don't find enjoyment in anything except my kids, but the shame I feel of how I'm destroying myself takes even that enjoyment from me.
I'm destroying my health and my marriage, I have 2 wonderful children 9 & 6, I want to be there for them as they grow up, that's not going to happen unless I can stop drinking. I wake up every morning feeling like a piece of garbage, questioning myself on why I keep doing this to myself. My health is definitely suffering. I have visions of my son finding me dead on the couch in the morning, dead from drink, yet I still can't stop. When I'm battling urges I feel like Gollum, a good versus evil conversation with the real me and the Primal brain as they call it.
I just poured out every bottle of alcohol in the house, I'm leaving my money and credit cards at home when I head to work today.
I'm hoping this forum will be a place where I can get some guidance and have conversations about what I'm going through. I've never shared this with anyone, I think that is part of the problem, it feels cathartic even just writing this.
I apologize for the long post. Thanks for reading.
I'm destroying my health and my marriage, I have 2 wonderful children 9 & 6, I want to be there for them as they grow up, that's not going to happen unless I can stop drinking. I wake up every morning feeling like a piece of garbage, questioning myself on why I keep doing this to myself. My health is definitely suffering. I have visions of my son finding me dead on the couch in the morning, dead from drink, yet I still can't stop. When I'm battling urges I feel like Gollum, a good versus evil conversation with the real me and the Primal brain as they call it.
I just poured out every bottle of alcohol in the house, I'm leaving my money and credit cards at home when I head to work today.
I'm hoping this forum will be a place where I can get some guidance and have conversations about what I'm going through. I've never shared this with anyone, I think that is part of the problem, it feels cathartic even just writing this.
I apologize for the long post. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by daniel1974 
My name is Dan, I'm 41 and I'm an alcoholic and looking to lead a life of sobriety. Every morning I wake up and tell myself I won't drink today, every night after work, I fail. I drink alone because I'm ashamed of how bad I've become. I'm a functioning alcoholic, I work a lot, I even do a good job, but lately I feel like a shell of my former self. I don't find enjoyment in anything except my kids, but the shame I feel of how I'm destroying myself takes even that enjoyment from me.
I'm destroying my health and my marriage, I have 2 wonderful children 9 & 6, I want to be there for them as they grow up, that's not going to happen unless I can stop drinking. I wake up every morning feeling like a piece of garbage, questioning myself on why I keep doing this to myself. My health is definitely suffering. I have visions of my son finding me dead on the couch in the morning, dead from drink, yet I still can't stop. When I'm battling urges I feel like Gollum, a good versus evil conversation with the real me and the Primal brain as they call it.
I just poured out every bottle of alcohol in the house, I'm leaving my money and credit cards at home when I head to work today.
I'm hoping this forum will be a place where I can get some guidance and have conversations about what I'm going through. I've never shared this with anyone, I think that is part of the problem, it feels cathartic even just writing this.
I apologize for the long post. Thanks for reading.
I'm destroying my health and my marriage, I have 2 wonderful children 9 & 6, I want to be there for them as they grow up, that's not going to happen unless I can stop drinking. I wake up every morning feeling like a piece of garbage, questioning myself on why I keep doing this to myself. My health is definitely suffering. I have visions of my son finding me dead on the couch in the morning, dead from drink, yet I still can't stop. When I'm battling urges I feel like Gollum, a good versus evil conversation with the real me and the Primal brain as they call it.
I just poured out every bottle of alcohol in the house, I'm leaving my money and credit cards at home when I head to work today.
I'm hoping this forum will be a place where I can get some guidance and have conversations about what I'm going through. I've never shared this with anyone, I think that is part of the problem, it feels cathartic even just writing this.
I apologize for the long post. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Daniel and welcome to SR! You absolutely can quit. It's great that you dumped the alcohol and left money and cards at home. Reach for SR instead when you're having trouble. Do you have support in real life? It's really helpful.
I thought I was functioning too but what a life. Feeling like garbage every morning. Not being fully engaged with my kids. Once I quit it was so much better. Now my husband hasn't quit. He's also an alcoholic and I can see that our children are starting to figure out that there's something wrong with Daddy. My children are 10 and 7.
Stick with it, you won't regret it.
I thought I was functioning too but what a life. Feeling like garbage every morning. Not being fully engaged with my kids. Once I quit it was so much better. Now my husband hasn't quit. He's also an alcoholic and I can see that our children are starting to figure out that there's something wrong with Daddy. My children are 10 and 7.
Stick with it, you won't regret it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by daniel1974
.... When I'm battling urges I feel like Gollum, a good versus evil conversation with the real me and the Primal brain as they call it...
I used to think that there was a good me, and an evil me. Now I just think it was me and my alcoholic voice. I heard a good description the other day, of us starting out life as a clean magnet, which has picked up loads of crap from the junk-yard of alcoholic life. As we get sober we start to let go of all that crap - it does take time though.
I tried to get sober through will-power, and that was a painful experience. I've found that for me 'acceptance' of urges (and emotions) works better than trying to 'battle' them. I had always lived life reacting to everything - all my desires and all my emotions. Now I know that I don't need to 'jump on every train that pulls into the station' and have learnt to breathe through those things, safe in the knowledge that they will pass. A bit like being a flexible reed, which can be stronger than a branch against a strong wind.
Good luck with developing your sobriety plan. Keep posting on here and asking any questions you might have. The people here will always help as much as they can.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Don't apologize.
Welcome!
I am 43. I have two beautiful daughters, almost 9 and 6.
Nearly two years ago, I made exactly the same decision from exactly the same place as you.
Nearly two years of sobriety later - it has been the best decision of my life, and my life is infinitely better.
You can do this, and we are here to help.
Welcome!
I am 43. I have two beautiful daughters, almost 9 and 6.
Nearly two years ago, I made exactly the same decision from exactly the same place as you.
Nearly two years of sobriety later - it has been the best decision of my life, and my life is infinitely better.
You can do this, and we are here to help.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,840
You might want to join a Class here at SR, Dan. Classes are great ways to offer, and be offered, support from members who are at the same stage of sobriety as you.
Here is the link to the Class of October 2015:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html
Here is the link to the Class of October 2015:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Hi Dan and welcome.
I'm 49 with three kids and last summer could have written a post almost exactly like yours. Part of my plan the first few weeks was leaving my wallet at home and taking only my driver's license. It helped. Also, I kept protein drinks with me and would down one mid-afternoon when my thoughts first began to turn to the six pack after work. They're filling and took the edge off for sure.
You can free yourself from this Dan! SR is a powerful tool.....use it proactively.
I look forward to seeing you around and wish you the very best.
I'm 49 with three kids and last summer could have written a post almost exactly like yours. Part of my plan the first few weeks was leaving my wallet at home and taking only my driver's license. It helped. Also, I kept protein drinks with me and would down one mid-afternoon when my thoughts first began to turn to the six pack after work. They're filling and took the edge off for sure.
You can free yourself from this Dan! SR is a powerful tool.....use it proactively.
I look forward to seeing you around and wish you the very best.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome to SR, daniel1974. I am glad you are here with us. There are a lot of very smart, very supportive people here who know exactly what you are going through. SR has been an amazing source of help for me.
I hope you will let us know how you are doing. I wish you the best of luck.
I hope you will let us know how you are doing. I wish you the best of luck.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,506
It's so good to meet you, Daniel. You're never alone - you have us.
You sound determined to get your life back. Be proud of yourself for taking this important step. Let us know how the day went. The first few are rough, but everything gets better.
You sound determined to get your life back. Be proud of yourself for taking this important step. Let us know how the day went. The first few are rough, but everything gets better.
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