Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: LA, CA
Posts: 19
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Exactly a week ago from today I woke up in a swanky hotel room in Vegas about 1pm in the afternoon. The sun was squeezing through the crack in the curtain as searing pain was flooding my head.
I felt like a pile of warmed up sh*t. I began the oh so familair and futile exercise of trying to peice together what happened the night before.
Immediately I felt dread. Didn't want to look there. Feel sick.
What happened? Empty stomach...very strong drinks...perfect recipe for disaster that I never see coming (how is that??!).
Lucklily for me, my husband was with me and unluckily for me, he filled me in on all the gory details. This included meeting people and conversations I can't remember..a very stressful drunken walk back to our hotel in heels and apparantly me getting very upset with him over something and hitting him (very unlike me..I'm a happy and loving drunk). He has no idea what that was about as I was absolutely incoherant. He eventually succeeded in getting me back to the room where I obviously passed out.
I am a successful, confident and attractive 48 year old woman. WTF was I doing???
I thought about it very hard all that day on the limited brain power I had. Finally it came to me. I was doing what I've been doing since I was around 16. Drinking.
You know that thing...it's the thing that we grow up and look forward to doing. Our parents showed us the golden light of booze and it looked glorious. But it really isn't funny 30 years later.
Anyway, I won't go on too much about that right now, but my alcohol intake last year has increased. Maybe due to moving to the US where the cocktails are so good and drinking much more strong liquor than I have been used to...plus wine etc..
On the day in Vegas I could of had a drink to 'level me out', but I felt so bad that I just couldn't. That night I went back home to LA (it felt like the longest journey in the world as we were delayed after missing the morning flight due to my state) I went and ran a bath. Then I put on my dressing gown, sat down and cried for a while. My husband comforted me and right then I told him that enough was enough. I had an alcohol problem and I stopped drinking.
I had a bad night physically and I got the sweats so much that I shook at certain points and hardly slept.
That was Day One. I'm on day 7 now. I have not touched a drop.
I've had support of a very loving (and relieved) husband who's done it with me. My best friend stopped drinking 2 years ago and she's messaging me all the time with love and support. I haven't been to an AA meeting yet, but I may well do. Not ruling it out, but not ready for labels and doctrines quite yet. If I f**k up, I'll pull in more support, but for right now, this very minute, the sun is shining and my head is clear. My appetite has returned and I feel energised.
I actually feel happy-ish. I realize that I haven't felt like this in a long time without booze. Since I had my baby 6 years ago. That's the last time I was really sober.
Very very early days, but I'm discovering that drinking liquid that contains no alcohol means I am confident I won't behave like a complete tw*t and embarrass myself anymore. To personally revealing social media posts that I have to delete the next day, to falling over in front of a crowd.
The pride in my husband's eyes every day spurs me on.
Good luck to you all in this journey of freedom and enlightenment. Including me!
I felt like a pile of warmed up sh*t. I began the oh so familair and futile exercise of trying to peice together what happened the night before.
Immediately I felt dread. Didn't want to look there. Feel sick.
What happened? Empty stomach...very strong drinks...perfect recipe for disaster that I never see coming (how is that??!).
Lucklily for me, my husband was with me and unluckily for me, he filled me in on all the gory details. This included meeting people and conversations I can't remember..a very stressful drunken walk back to our hotel in heels and apparantly me getting very upset with him over something and hitting him (very unlike me..I'm a happy and loving drunk). He has no idea what that was about as I was absolutely incoherant. He eventually succeeded in getting me back to the room where I obviously passed out.
I am a successful, confident and attractive 48 year old woman. WTF was I doing???
I thought about it very hard all that day on the limited brain power I had. Finally it came to me. I was doing what I've been doing since I was around 16. Drinking.
You know that thing...it's the thing that we grow up and look forward to doing. Our parents showed us the golden light of booze and it looked glorious. But it really isn't funny 30 years later.
Anyway, I won't go on too much about that right now, but my alcohol intake last year has increased. Maybe due to moving to the US where the cocktails are so good and drinking much more strong liquor than I have been used to...plus wine etc..
On the day in Vegas I could of had a drink to 'level me out', but I felt so bad that I just couldn't. That night I went back home to LA (it felt like the longest journey in the world as we were delayed after missing the morning flight due to my state) I went and ran a bath. Then I put on my dressing gown, sat down and cried for a while. My husband comforted me and right then I told him that enough was enough. I had an alcohol problem and I stopped drinking.
I had a bad night physically and I got the sweats so much that I shook at certain points and hardly slept.
That was Day One. I'm on day 7 now. I have not touched a drop.
I've had support of a very loving (and relieved) husband who's done it with me. My best friend stopped drinking 2 years ago and she's messaging me all the time with love and support. I haven't been to an AA meeting yet, but I may well do. Not ruling it out, but not ready for labels and doctrines quite yet. If I f**k up, I'll pull in more support, but for right now, this very minute, the sun is shining and my head is clear. My appetite has returned and I feel energised.
I actually feel happy-ish. I realize that I haven't felt like this in a long time without booze. Since I had my baby 6 years ago. That's the last time I was really sober.
Very very early days, but I'm discovering that drinking liquid that contains no alcohol means I am confident I won't behave like a complete tw*t and embarrass myself anymore. To personally revealing social media posts that I have to delete the next day, to falling over in front of a crowd.
The pride in my husband's eyes every day spurs me on.
Good luck to you all in this journey of freedom and enlightenment. Including me!
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,198
Way to go on your decision pea green and congratulations on 7 days
Obviously there will be times when it's tough but I have never heard of anyone who has regretted waking up without a hangover
Good luck
Obviously there will be times when it's tough but I have never heard of anyone who has regretted waking up without a hangover
Good luck
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Wonderful to have you with us, peagreenboat (love the avie).
You are in good company here. We all understand & will help!
I was in a similar 'boat' when I joined SR. I had lost all control & the ability to manage my drinking. Each time I picked up, I had no idea where it would end. Sometimes dangerous things happened. It's so good to be free of it.
Congrats on your week sober.
You are in good company here. We all understand & will help!
I was in a similar 'boat' when I joined SR. I had lost all control & the ability to manage my drinking. Each time I picked up, I had no idea where it would end. Sometimes dangerous things happened. It's so good to be free of it.Congrats on your week sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
the owl and the pussycat will be so pleased!!!
this will make for a MUCH smoother said in the peagreenboat....
I've lived that Vegas story many times... that ride back through the desert to LA, dragging my shame and my misery along with me...
I've been back to Vegas the past couple of years for 10 days, sober. What a triumph to put those experiences behind me.
You can, too... It's so great that you and your husband are in it together.
this will make for a MUCH smoother said in the peagreenboat....
I've lived that Vegas story many times... that ride back through the desert to LA, dragging my shame and my misery along with me...
I've been back to Vegas the past couple of years for 10 days, sober. What a triumph to put those experiences behind me.
You can, too... It's so great that you and your husband are in it together.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: LA, CA
Posts: 19
Haha...here is a poem I wrote 9 years ago I found on the Interweb...it should have given me a clue!! Especially as I wrote...til the next time! Oh the irony...
Red wine fills up my white-ness,
It's the height of very politeness,
When I'm drunk and fall,
Or get into a brawl
My not-self is there in all brightness
It's a bit hazy when I wake in the morning,
Is that dusk or the break of the dawning?
And who the hell are you
At 6ft 2''?
Quite a night by the rate of my yawning...
-the end-
-til the next time-
Red wine fills up my white-ness,
It's the height of very politeness,
When I'm drunk and fall,
Or get into a brawl
My not-self is there in all brightness
It's a bit hazy when I wake in the morning,
Is that dusk or the break of the dawning?
And who the hell are you
At 6ft 2''?
Quite a night by the rate of my yawning...
-the end-
-til the next time-
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