Boyfriend going to rehab
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Boyfriend going to rehab
Hi ! new here. I must say after reading a lot of posts I've been doubtful, but I like to think that everyone is an individual and experiences differ from person to person. I've been with my boyfriend for 14 months, he is a recovering H user. He told me 2 months into dating, he was about 6 months clean by then and I was devastated, as I never knew anyone who was an addict or did H. It took a lot of time and decision making on my part if we were going to stay together and I decided that I shouldn't judge or delete someone who meant so much without giving a chance. Our relationship has been always healthy, loving and happy. He's my best friend and our families love each other and so on. He has never been abusive emotionally or physically either. 7 months into being together he relapsed and since I go away to school, he hid it from me as he knows I am very tough and strong in my beliefs about not being with a user. He was on it for a month, until i found out by finding it. He withdrawed at my apartment for the next 2 weeks and trust me I was ready to leave. I was hurt, lied to and confused as to how happy and in love we both were, why would there be a need for drugs. He has been clean since for himself and to prove to me that he can be the man I want to marry. I supported his recovery and he did an out patient program over the summer, being put on suboxone. He is now off of it since he feels its almost the same as drugs. To better his recovery he has chosen to do a 30 inpatient rehab and I just need some support from people who have gone through this. YES a year is what i hear is needed, but we've spoken about breaking up and neither of us want that. He wants to be a better recovering addict and be a better boyfriend ( although besides the addiction he is perfect). Any advice on how to keep hope and be supportive? I start AL -ANON this Saturday btw. 
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Join Date: Jul 2015
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sweets0rrow,
Welcome to the forum!
Your boyfriend is saying and doing all of the right things. Detoxed himself - dangerous, painful and perhaps not the smartest course of action, but it seems to have worked - shows a lot of determination on his part. IOP this summer and tapered off of the Suboxone already - another positive sign, especially when you take his reasoning into account - "just another drug." Checking himself into a 30 day in-patient rehab - more work on his recovery.
My daughter's story is similar in some ways. Unbeknownst to us, she was addicted to opiate pills and then moved on to heroin when the money ran out. She detoxed herself twice but quickly relapsed. She finally came to us and told us she needed professional help. She went to a 28 day in-patient rehab and totally embraced the program. Lived in a halfway house for about a year and now works in a detox facility - she lives her program every day. She is about 20 months clean now
Your boyfriend will get out of rehab exactly what he puts in, but it sounds as if he "wants what they have" and will fight to get his share. All rehab will do for him is show him tools for recovery - how he uses the tools is up to him.
As for you, Al-Anon is a great support group for you -- good that you are starting that program.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Welcome to the forum!
Your boyfriend is saying and doing all of the right things. Detoxed himself - dangerous, painful and perhaps not the smartest course of action, but it seems to have worked - shows a lot of determination on his part. IOP this summer and tapered off of the Suboxone already - another positive sign, especially when you take his reasoning into account - "just another drug." Checking himself into a 30 day in-patient rehab - more work on his recovery.
My daughter's story is similar in some ways. Unbeknownst to us, she was addicted to opiate pills and then moved on to heroin when the money ran out. She detoxed herself twice but quickly relapsed. She finally came to us and told us she needed professional help. She went to a 28 day in-patient rehab and totally embraced the program. Lived in a halfway house for about a year and now works in a detox facility - she lives her program every day. She is about 20 months clean now
Your boyfriend will get out of rehab exactly what he puts in, but it sounds as if he "wants what they have" and will fight to get his share. All rehab will do for him is show him tools for recovery - how he uses the tools is up to him.
As for you, Al-Anon is a great support group for you -- good that you are starting that program.
Keep coming back,
Jim
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Albany
Posts: 9
I have faith, He's very strong willed and watched way too many friends die, including his own father to opiate/H addiction. I just hope it builds a better and stronger him along with a stable us. Thank you for your answer ! It makes me feel a lot better knowing this can all be overcome as long as there is an effort and willingness on both part.
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Welcome to the Board. I'm glad you found us.
We're not couples counselors here, and where by your own admission there is no emotional or physical abuse, I usually don't opine on how to deal with an addicted partner in a romantic relationship. What I will tell you is heroin is no joke. It kills people. And the reason why it's so, so dangerous is because even after someone detoxes off it, that person's brain remembers what it's like to be under the influence of it. To be under the influence of heroin is to be in a state of bliss. No pain. No discomfort. Just that feeling. So when that feeling goes away, and the addict is confronted with emotions they'd rather not experience, the addict's brain is telling him, We know how to make this go away.
One observation:
This is interesting. Reminds me of, Other than that, how did you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln? And in response, I will caution you to be aware that who he is on heroin and who he is off it will not be the same.
I encourage you to learn about the disease. I encourage you to learn as much as you can about opiates. This way, you can increase your chances of making the right decisions for you. Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.
We're not couples counselors here, and where by your own admission there is no emotional or physical abuse, I usually don't opine on how to deal with an addicted partner in a romantic relationship. What I will tell you is heroin is no joke. It kills people. And the reason why it's so, so dangerous is because even after someone detoxes off it, that person's brain remembers what it's like to be under the influence of it. To be under the influence of heroin is to be in a state of bliss. No pain. No discomfort. Just that feeling. So when that feeling goes away, and the addict is confronted with emotions they'd rather not experience, the addict's brain is telling him, We know how to make this go away.
One observation:
He wants to be a better recovering addict and be a better boyfriend ( although besides the addiction he is perfect).
I encourage you to learn about the disease. I encourage you to learn as much as you can about opiates. This way, you can increase your chances of making the right decisions for you. Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Educate yourself as much as you can about addiction, about addict’s behaviors and especially about opiate addiction.
Understand that addiction is life long, there is no cure if at best it goes into remission.
So far the facts as you presented them are……….
6 months into dating he told you he was a recovering H addict, one month later you discover he is in fact using and has been for a month. He goes on Suboxone but today is off of it and he’s wanting to go into a 30 day rehab.
Addicts lie!!! And not to be negative or hopeless here but from experience my best guess is that he was using all along and was never clean with maybe the exception of a week or two and the suboxone was just not cutting it for him so he’s using again and wants the help of a 30 day rehab or so he says.
It’s good he says he wants to go to a 30 day program, has he made those plans? Does he work? If so will his job allow a leave of 30 days possible more?
There is always HOPE but hope is not a plan. I’m glad you are going to al-anon and posting here. Always remember it’s their actions not their words that truly count.
Understand that addiction is life long, there is no cure if at best it goes into remission.
So far the facts as you presented them are……….
6 months into dating he told you he was a recovering H addict, one month later you discover he is in fact using and has been for a month. He goes on Suboxone but today is off of it and he’s wanting to go into a 30 day rehab.
Addicts lie!!! And not to be negative or hopeless here but from experience my best guess is that he was using all along and was never clean with maybe the exception of a week or two and the suboxone was just not cutting it for him so he’s using again and wants the help of a 30 day rehab or so he says.
It’s good he says he wants to go to a 30 day program, has he made those plans? Does he work? If so will his job allow a leave of 30 days possible more?
There is always HOPE but hope is not a plan. I’m glad you are going to al-anon and posting here. Always remember it’s their actions not their words that truly count.
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He was clean our entire relationship except that month for heroin. How do I know? He had a glass of kratom everyday to suppress his want for heroin, he then went off of it and was completely sober for another month and relapsed. After that month he was completely clean for 2 months until the OPR put him on suboxone. He went off of it, using kratom as a crutch and since September has been completely clean off everything, which is why he is going to rehab because he needs more help than he thought he could do alone. It was 2 months into dating where he told me when I asked the real reason as why he needed kratom to not be super anxious.
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He has friends completely clean from H, but they use other things to fight their addiction, most have ended up alcoholics. He used kratom, but he doesn't want to use anything he just wants to be a functioning sober person.
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Just please educate yourself. More will be revealed.
You also made the comment that other then his addictions he is "perfect"
Just my 2 cents ....Nobody is perfect
That thought pattern could drag you to hell and back. I know this from experience.
You also made the comment that other then his addictions he is "perfect"
Just my 2 cents ....Nobody is perfect
That thought pattern could drag you to hell and back. I know this from experience.
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I say perfect as in he has been the most respectful, loving boyfriends and even person I've met or been with. I've dated a lot of different types of guys and I would hate to let him go. I've been reading up on it ( the addiction) since I found out last year around this time and call me naive, but I don't like to assume the relationship is filled with lies etc. He's been very honest and it's only brought us closer. I guess I'll just have to wait for the actions to outweigh his words, hopefully in a positive way, Thank you all for responding, it does help, I guess I just really see the potential and focus on what could go right rather than what could go wrong.
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i have NEVER heard of someone who is NOT using drugs or alcohol entering REHAB......AFTER kicking, AFTER doing outpatient, and AFTER using suboxene and then getting off of it. i'd be surprised a treatment center would admit him.............rather like going into the hospital when you are not sick just in case.........
you do seem to have a rather glorified impression of this man and wearing a cheerful set of rose colored glasses. but BEWARE, heroin addiction is not glorious and is not easy to completely overcome.
you do seem to have a rather glorified impression of this man and wearing a cheerful set of rose colored glasses. but BEWARE, heroin addiction is not glorious and is not easy to completely overcome.
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everything leading up to it was understandable. He stopped suboxone and went through the w/d because getting off of it is almost like stopping H. His friend overdoses and is in a coma 5 days later. Maybe it's my rose colored glasses, or maybe too many people out of millions are being categorized. I think I'll stick with him on this, he's been with his family since his relapse in April and they know everything. From what they've told me, he's been clean and yes they know the signs as they've dealt with him and his father who has passed.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
i have NEVER heard of someone who is NOT using drugs or alcohol entering REHAB......AFTER kicking, AFTER doing outpatient, and AFTER using suboxene and then getting off of it. i'd be surprised a treatment center would admit him.............rather like going into the hospital when you are not sick just in case.........
you do seem to have a rather glorified impression of this man and wearing a cheerful set of rose colored glasses. but BEWARE, heroin addiction is not glorious and is not easy to completely overcome.
you do seem to have a rather glorified impression of this man and wearing a cheerful set of rose colored glasses. but BEWARE, heroin addiction is not glorious and is not easy to completely overcome.
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why not let him work his program and revisit dating him in a year or more?....I speak from experience...mine was clean for over a year, and it turned for horrible twice, and the second time was the last time. Heroin is a total nightmare. You realize that the person you loved, might not have ever been what you thought he was. Think about other things like hepatitis, HIV, etc. etc. etc. Addicts lie, that's just what they do. Addicts lie, cheat, steal etc. If you are not prepared to deal with all of the horrible things that come along with addiction...get out now. We were told that it's a progressive disease, and boy did it ever progress.
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Oh heroin ... heard it all, seen it all.
I’m assuming you both are younger???
In reading what you have shared I see a lot of red flags and it seems as if he was driving the bus a bit too much. That he went to rehab is a good sign but I would really assume you don’t know even a tenth of His truth.
Actually for me it all made much more sense when I took the focus off of the heroin and my husband and put it on myself.
And Kartom is a drug, it is addictive, a stimulant or a sedative depending on how much you use. Many opiate addicts use it to help with wd or as a substitute for their opiate of choice to keep them well and sane.
This is your time now … not his. (alanon can be a good thing) You know he is safe and he is working on him so the best gift you can give yourself in this moment is time to learn … about addiction, about heroin, about enabling and about yourself.
There are things many think are a deterrent to using and they really aren’t. Like withdrawal … which is an incentive to use not stop. Watching everyone you love and care about die because of heroin, isn’t typically a lesson. It can be this never ending sadness that helps you to feed your addiction.
If he was shooting up you need to be tested, well hell you should be anyway. It is just what you have to do to take care of yourself if you love an addict.
He has a long road ahead of him. If his parents aren’t enablers that will be a huge plus. If you aren’t that will be a gift to him … it won’t keep him from using or keep him in recovery, but it will be healthier for you.
I will keep good thoughts and I always have faith. But having faith and hope doesn’t at all detract from the reality of heroin. It takes from anyone who gets close, using or watching.
Take good care of you.
I’m assuming you both are younger???
In reading what you have shared I see a lot of red flags and it seems as if he was driving the bus a bit too much. That he went to rehab is a good sign but I would really assume you don’t know even a tenth of His truth.
Actually for me it all made much more sense when I took the focus off of the heroin and my husband and put it on myself.
And Kartom is a drug, it is addictive, a stimulant or a sedative depending on how much you use. Many opiate addicts use it to help with wd or as a substitute for their opiate of choice to keep them well and sane.
This is your time now … not his. (alanon can be a good thing) You know he is safe and he is working on him so the best gift you can give yourself in this moment is time to learn … about addiction, about heroin, about enabling and about yourself.
There are things many think are a deterrent to using and they really aren’t. Like withdrawal … which is an incentive to use not stop. Watching everyone you love and care about die because of heroin, isn’t typically a lesson. It can be this never ending sadness that helps you to feed your addiction.
If he was shooting up you need to be tested, well hell you should be anyway. It is just what you have to do to take care of yourself if you love an addict.
He has a long road ahead of him. If his parents aren’t enablers that will be a huge plus. If you aren’t that will be a gift to him … it won’t keep him from using or keep him in recovery, but it will be healthier for you.
I will keep good thoughts and I always have faith. But having faith and hope doesn’t at all detract from the reality of heroin. It takes from anyone who gets close, using or watching.
Take good care of you.
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