melki

I kill the lights, but the lies are sleepless.
Night heaves with the bleakest secrets.
A shadow waits in the black,
and I awake with a devil on my back.
I'm contesting my reckless weakness,
desperately wrestling restless demons,
but all the odds are stacked,
guess I'm no match for the devil on my back.

And I plead for my peace, like a dead man walking
and I plead for my peace and I can't stand more of this.

But still I pretend I can mend this
and ascend this hopelessness, then end this
but then the whip gets cracked.
I get knocked flat by the devil....
And I look into the eyes of the love of my life,
and swear blind that the darkest times are behind,
but it's another ******* lie just to cover my tracks,
another part of her dies, for the devil on my back.

And I plead for my peace like a dead man walking,
I plead for my peace cos I can't stand more of this.

So I regress to the cesspit, friendless.
Too breathless to defend, I descend to the depths
of the mess I've amassed.
I get no rest from the devil on my back

And I plead for my peace like a dead man walking,
I plead for my peace and I can't stand more of this.
I plead for my peace as the darkness taunts me,
and I plead for my peace from a past that haunts me.


My heart is heavy and restless. I am not drinking but feeling quite off. Lonely and desperate somehow. Putting it out there. I so want to connect with someone...

Excellent song though, isn't it? I'm pretty sure he's singing about addiction.

Tomandliv

Hello,

I'm probably not much help with addiction as its my boyfriend that's currently going though it, but I'm always willing to listen and help if you want an ear.

Do you know what's made you feel so glum today? Or is it just one of those days?

Oh and my BF would totally be loving that song right now I'm sure. Very apt indeed!

melki

It's been building up over the past few weeks and seems to be escalating. Extremely restless and want to howl at the moon. Thanks, I don't even know how to talk about this. But afraid if I don't I might isolate and indulge the desperation.

biminiblue

((Melki hugs))

It's the time of year for melancholy. I go through it every fall. Hang on, babe.

Dee74

I recommend you really plug yourself in here Melki - join a 'Class of ' thread, maybe the 24 hour thread too...find support and use it.

If you don't want to drink, you don't have to

D

Tomandliv

How have you been managing over the last few weeks? Do you have anything to keep you happy and busy?
Have you got friends and family for support?
Sorry for the questions, I just don't know anything about your situation

melki

I've been sober a year and almost four months. I won't drink. Will go to sleep early. I am busy, too busy. And very, very tired. I don't have friends. Miss close connections.

Tomandliv

Oh, no wonder you're feeling low (and probably burnt out)... If you're very busy, very tired and lonely... Give yourself the acknowledgment that you're human to feel that way. I know I would feel it if I were tired lonely and burn out.
A early night sounds good - that might help the tiredness aspect.. One less thing to battle with.
Are you busy in a good way? As in, have hobbies or fun time for yourself? Everyone needs a bit of recreation to escape things.
Or is it work that is taking all your time?

ast1

Nice to meet ya. Always some one to talk to here. Join in on chat if you like, different people are there different times of the day. Good job on being sober!

melki

Thanks so much for your responses. It's a little easier to breathe already

melki

I'm busy in a good way as in I really enjoy my job, but it completely wipes me out. I try to plan some recreational activities but get tired afterwards too. I'm just a bundle of joy...

Soberwolf

Hi Melki

loulou1981

Hey Melki, im very new to all this so probably can't offer any great advice other than coming on here, loads of support to keep u sane!!!

Tomandliv

Oh that's great that you enjoy your job.. It's pretty rare to find that, you're very lucky :-)
What kind of recreational hobbies do you like?

melki

I like exercise, walks, chain-watching shows, reading and listening to gut-wrenching music apparently. That about sums up my spare time. Thanks again for your kindness and interest. I hope you and your boyfriend are well...

SoberLeigh

((((dear melki))).

I'm glad that you came here to talk about it. There is always someone here; lean on us.

The lyrics to the song are haunting - sure sounds like it's about addiction.