FreeOwl

A lot of posts tend to flow through this forum about employers. Should we tell them? Should we reach out for help? What if people "know".... what if they "find out" we're in recovery.

Well I know there is good reason for that questioning and that there are those employers who would be tremendously un-supportive or outright drop an employee struggling with addiction.

However, there are others too.

Yesterday I heard from a friend who had been through detox and rehab for several months and then got out, found a job and a new apartment, then not long ago relapsed and was back in detox and is once again working though rehab.

Well, he'd gotten contacted by his employer... by some very senior members of the executive team. As it turns out, those execs are also recovered and living in sobriety. They pledged their support, told him to focus on his rehab, that his job will be waiting for him when he's through and they've got his back in transitioning back to work and life.

You never know where help will be...

We hear a lot of the negative side of employer stories - just thought I'd share this because it's a great reminder that employers are people, too.... and many of those people have also had their own struggles.

Nuke

I too was apprehensive about coming out with my employer about my drinking problem. While my immediate boss didn't really know what to do, my company's HR department has been nothing but supportive and willing to work with me through this problem.

While I have not had the good fortune of having any recovered addicts to speak with at my company, they are pretty good. I think mainly because they are afraid of the legal ramifications here in the US if they don't handle it properly.

Soberwolf

I wouldn't tell my employer

KidsEverywhere

legally, you can go to your HR dept and get approved for a leave (there are time with the company qualifiers and you have to get a certification from the doctor) and HIPPA laws prevent your boss or coworkers from knowing the specifics of your leave other than your return date. In reality, someone who is out on leave, it is often that your immediate supervisor would find out the reason (whether you told him or not). But a good HR department would warn your boss that holding it against you or telling people is likely to create a hostile work environment which puts the company in legal peril.
An ideal situation is that you have a good relationship with your boss you trust and you can go to HR to discuss a leave and you would have his full support.

Madmartigan

In my experience it's very rare that people keep their mouths shut. I've been in high level management with more than one fortune 100 company in the US and I always found out things that I shouldn't have due to people talking. I'd play it safe and keep private business private.

KidsEverywhere

This is certainly the play if it is possible. But most people have to take leave from work In order to go to detox and rehab.

Tamerua

I have not told my employer but there is no reason to.

I did want to say though, I'm a manager at a large company. An employee came to me 5 years ago or so and told me his drinking problem caused financial stress and that he was in recovery, etc.

Because of him, I'm going on 3 years sober. When I needed someone to point the way, I knew where to go.

FreeOwl

I just think it's important that these positive-side stories get told.

There remains a culture of shame around addiction and recovery and as long as that stays the case, people will suffer longer and people will die and people will ruin lives and take lives...

The fact that so often newcomers are told 'keep it secret!! Don't tell!' Is a testament to how shameful society still labels addiction struggles. Nobody tells cancer victims or people who lose a limb to keep it a secret.

There ARE people out there who understand and who will help. There are employers who will be supportive, there are laws to protect people's rights. Yes, I know it's not enough. Yet. But if we don't talk and lead change, it will continue to be a barrier to recovery.

FLCamper

I like the original post because it is a great reminder that alcoholism effects all levels of income, education, etc., etc. Anyone from an hourly worker to the company President may be recovering.
But, alcoholics have a terrible reputation -- and there's a reason for that. Cancer patients and those suffering other illnesses do not.
If you have to tell your employer because you need time off for rehab, you may have no choice but to come clean (but they may have figured it out anyway).
I wouldn't tell anyone at work. There is too much of a stigma that goes with alcoholism and I don't want that following me around. Some people understand and others don't. My career is way too important to risk.

Jsbodhi

This might be unpopular, but I own a business and if an employee came to me and said they are an alcoholic, I'd be thinking " oh great, here we go...."
I'd give them one chance to sober up, but after that I'd let them go, I don't have the time, finances etc to babysit them.
As an alcoholic myself I know all about missed days due to hangovers, not being as productive as they could be.

GerdMuller

Do you still relapse yourself or are you long term sober?

Jsbodhi

Relapser

KidsEverywhere

Aside from needing an extended amount of time off for rehab, what purpose would someone be trying to serve by telling their employer about having a problem with alcohol? If you need to take a leave, if you have an HR dept, there are HIPPA laws and workplace harassment laws that protect you.
But unless you need time off, I can't imagine what purpose it would serve to tell your boss/ employer. I have a very good relationship with my boss and I am a Group manager at a large company, but my wife doesn't even know the extent of my struggles with alcohol, no way I get into that with my boss. He would likely think back on any times I missed work (I can count on one hand the number of times I was late or "sick" and missed a whole day from alcohol in the last 6 years- I did come in regularly not feeling good ). But aside from a leave for rehab, I think it serves no purpose to tell work. Just my opinion.

GerdMuller

I get where you're coming from from a business perspective, but maybe if you did have someone who came to you with alcohol related issues, and you stuck with him through it, that self satisfy faction and all round good feeling would help your issues?

Almost like you're a sponsor for him?

I don't pretend to understand you're situation for one minute, it's just a thought...

Jsbodhi

I'm not sure, I'm all for helping people, when I finish school I want to do social work, victim advocates rights or go on to be a human rights lawyer.
I'm a helper by nature, but one alcoholic addict is enough for this business, addiction is a very selfish affliction and I just can't deal with someone like myself.
Now I wouldn't let them go if it didn't seem to affect their work ( no missed days, high productivity) I know some alcoholics are fantastic at their jobs, but if it was causing trouble, I just don't have time for it.

In reverse if I was an employee and was missing work etc, I'd expect and accept to be fired too, the only reason I get away with it is because I own the business, if I'm too hungover to show up, no one can say anything :/
I've also let people go who didn't do the work very well, but didn't have addiction issues, I guess it's just the way it is with me, so its not about the addiction, its about not doing the job properly.

I also go to university, so its essential that I have staff that can just do the job without me being there all the time, I have classes, papers, exams, projects.
I NEED to have staff I can trust and leave on their own.
if someone doesn't show up for work, I either have to miss school to go and take their place, or I lose a client, I can't afford either.

FreeOwl

I think it's pretty ironic to see even alcoholics affirming the shame and discrimination directed at alcoholics.....

Sad but true, I suppose.

Maybe there wouldn't be so much relapse if there wasn't such a climate of shame.

Maybe if business and society made more acknowledgement that this is a real human issue and openly supported sobriety - fewer would suffer and more would recover sooner.

I recently saw an interview with Ted Kennedy about his new book. The overt pressure put on him to keep it 'secret', not talk about his addiction struggles was incredible. Family, friends, lobbyists and business leaders all trying to get him to keep his head down, not write that book.

Watch 'The Anonymous People' for a good perspective on this. A society that places high value on alcohol in all its dealings and glamorizes drug use (we aren't far from legalizing pot everywhere) and encourages shame for addiction is a terrible society. We create addiction, then insist on hiding it.

It's like addict behavior.

Maybe society is a drunk.

Jsbodhi

Perhaps it is a shame that I can't afford to have an unreliable person working for me, addict or not.
As a single 32 year old woman, that grew up in a household with a single mother working minimum wage jobs just to put food on the table.
I had to work my way from literally nothing, I worked at gas stations and as waitress to save money so I could open a business to pay my own way through university, without a single dime being contributed to my education from anyone other than myself.

Unfortunately I live in a liberal rights based society which affords in theory, equal opportunity for everyone; what it doesn't offer is equality of condition or result.
I have to get to where I'm trying to get- on my own.
in between working up to 16 hours a day, attending classes and sometimes running off of 2-3 hours sleep, sometimes I stay up all night writing papers and doing homework, then I get up and go back to work and school.
I have no safety net from society, the nordic nations have a dense network or social programs which are imbedded into the legal system as rights, which is not the case here.

As much as I wish it was different, I can't afford to miss school to go do the work an unreliable employee won't do.
If said employee wants to meet after work to go to AA meetings and have my support as a friend, I'm all in for that, unfortunately I can't have them working for me.
Perhaps if I was a bigger business with an HR dept etc, it could be done, but as it stands, working for me is based on merit, whether you can do the job or not, I can't give a free pass because someone has addiction issues.
It sounds like alcoholic behaviour to feel entitled to and expect to have a job whether or not the job is done properly.
As I said before, I'm open for giving a chance to someone who came to me with addiction issues, but how long and how many times am I supposed to ride the wave of their addiction up and down with them?
I'm supposed to miss classes, ask other staff who have children at home to work late and cover for them? Are we all supoosed to reaarange our lives? When I hire people I explain my situation to them and tell them they pretty much have to police themselves, its essential that I can trust that they can work on their own with minimal supervision.
90 % of the reason I drink is over thre stress of my staff, I'm not goint to add to it.

thomas11

I firmly believe that there is a lot more chaos that takes place behind closed doors than we generally realize. Many MANY people and families have issues, but those issues are swept under the rug, and kept secret, so they can present their lives as picture perfect, when it is in fact an utter disaster. I also believe that if we thought about it for 30 seconds, every single member of this website could think of someone they know that fits that description.

FreeOwl

To your first comment - that's not at all my point.

To your second comment - No. It's not. 90% of the reason you drink is that you're addicted to alcohol. And 90% of the reason you project that onto your staff might be the fact that it's such a shameful thing to simply admit we are addicts, in this culture of shame.

Anna

There is a culture of shame around addiction and mental illness. But, in my opinion, the work place is not the place to discuss your addiction. For most of us, our job is what puts food on the table, a roof over our heads. To me, the risk is too great. If you want to make a change in people's opinions, try writing articles for your local community newspaper, anonymously. Perhaps you could speak out in a Church group that you meet with. Start a blog on something you do, like making jewellery, and mention your addiction from time to time. There are ways to help lessen the stigma and still protect yourself.