Marylynn123456

My husband is an addict/ alcoholic and so am I. In 2010 his son died from a heroin overdose. Ever since then nothing is the same. It's like he buried me too. We relapsed together and it was a 4 year nightmare now I'm getting it together and he had cravings right now. He hardly speaks to me or spends time with me. I don't understand this too much him losing a son was horrible for him and it traumatized me when I saw him dead in the hospital. He sometimes gets close again but then gets distant. Right now he's so upset with the cravings and the fact I may have cancer. He said he feels bad for what I've been going through with my health for 5 years he also looks angry. I don't know how I can help him if I should just back up or comfort him. At the same time I'm trying to get myself together and not fall back into relapsing with him. It's hard to resist when it's in my face and I have guilt over it like how am I helping him. This man that went through a terrible loss and I don't think he sees how much it's effected him and he doesn't seem to b interested in anything about me ever since his son died he just totally **** down and is locked in his own world. I feel a lot of pain because I feel a sense of loss like I lost this wonderful man that was once so happy. It hurts everyday. We do have good communication but I initiate it in a tender way and then he eventually opens up about what's going on with him. He said it has nothing to do with me that I'm a wonderful woman but at times it feels like he just wants to b away from me one time I took a few days away and when I came home he missed me so much and everything was great for awhile. Maybe I should go away again to give him the space. Any suggestions

SparkleKitty

We can only ever have One #1 Priority. It sounds like you have a lot to choose from right now. I'm sorry I know how confusing and frustrating this must all feel.

You know how the airplane announcement advises us to put our own oxygen mask on first before we attempt to help anyone else? That's a good metaphor for recovery. We can't help or be there for anyone else until we are healthy ourselves.

You are dealing with a lot of issues right now, including your own health and sobriety. You simply must concentrate on prioritizing your sobriety and recovery -- before your husband's problems especially. Without your sobriety and recovery, simply nothing else is possible.

Liveitwell

^^ this! Yes. You are of no help to anyone, esp yourself, if you are not healthy. The oxygen mask analogy is spot on. His problems are exactly that-his. If he doesn't reach out for help, that is his problem-and not yours.

Marylynn123456

Thank u for the support. I am taking care of myself SR is one of the ways I do. Glad I finally found somewhere to vent. But finally I got to sit down with him and he talked to me about his cravings and that he's very upset over the possibility of me having cancer and is mad I have to go through so many health problems. I'm glad he was able to talk a little. He's worried and has cravings on top of it which I'm glad he didn't act upon and told me what was going on. He's trying hard I can see the stress on his face. He's angry about everything that's happened we've gone through a lot of hardship together and he's so angry about it and so am I we also have this car that's a headache it's gonna b the 4th time bringing it in and that's such an expense. I hope this isn't major. The car made a popping sound and we just finished having the front end done. The ball joints among other things that had to b done. I think next time we'd b better off leasing a vehicle. I don't know never did that before. Anyway thanks😃

Liveitwell

Life itself can be hard-we all face hardships....deaths of loved ones, stress at work, friendship issues, family issues-BUT coping by getting high or drunk or whatever addiction is chosen just makes those things, and LIFE, so much worse and you don't see things straight-it's unbearable at times. Praying for you...and your hubby.