Ally89

So despite my NC vow another wave of annoying cr*p has presented itself to me which means I am forced to have to deal with him again.

So I am speaking to a friend who just recently got sole custody of her kids from her addict XBF after he attacked her in front of them. She asked me if we have any joint assets etc and I said only a couple of accounts for rent and i'm on the car insurance policy etc but he sorted that out when we first broke up. She looked at me and said I should not rely on him to do anything and should do all of that for myself.

So I check this morning and lo and behold nothing has changed and I am still on everything except for the tenancy which I did myself- unbelievable. I never cease to amaze myself at just how trusting I am of this man. The fact that I have only been fully aware of his crazy for a few months is the issue and I do not have the requisite amount of cynicism- well I do now.

So I contact his mum because I need him to do stuff and refuse to speak to him directly- this is a 29 year old man we are talking about. The amazing part to this is he emailed my own mother after the break up to confirm everything had been dealt with.

His mum is going to help me but I just cannot quite believe this is happening. He manipulated me into leaving that home that I loved with his lies and then has left me liable for everything too. I just feel like I am dealing with a complete sociopath.

I also have the delight of having to get a sexual health test this week to check my partner of 5 years has not given me a disease. I feel like I am in an alternate reality.

I am so angry. There are still people (including his family) who believe all of his crocodile tears and pronouncements of remorse. I don't care what Al anon says at the moment- I want him to feel pain- I want for his BS whiter than white fake personality to be crumpled. God do I have enough ammo to do it but d*mn this class and self esteem my mother instilled in me which holds me back.

FeelingGreat

Ally they never follow through, and even more so once you're not sleeping with them. Take the power back, do what you must do for yourself because you're the only one who cares enough to do it right.

Even now his Mum has to do his stuff for him.

Liveitwell

^^ very true. Sad, but true. Reality of alcoholism.

theuncertainty

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, Ally89, especially the worry of having to get tested. I'm glad your friend pointed out the potential financial liability to you, or you could have been in for a nasty shock further down the road. As nice as it would be to rely on his mother to take care of it, I personally wouldn't. I would contact those businesses myself to at least find out what it would take to get your name off of the account.

I had hoped/believed that AXH's family (and later the court) would get AXH to do the right thing. It was very much like trying to transfer control to them: "I can't control it, but maybe THEY can." I couldn't control how he was messing stuff up, and neither could they.

Ally89

^^^^^^ I totally agree and I did not want to get anyone else involved but I thought I would do it this way for 3 reasons:

1. I have already tried to get him to do this and he lies to me. If I try and have just a simple conversation it is like talking to a stranger and is impossible

2. I do not want to speak to him

3. I am banking on him still trying to manipulate his family into believing he is 'ok' and so if they are aware it may get him to actually do it because to ignore everyone will shatter his illusion

I have tried to do everything myself that was my first move but i need him to countersign everything as it is joint and some of the documents are in his possession and without them there is nothing I can do.

atalose

I'd say if the situation is not cleared up with in the next 10 business days that you take legal action to remove yourself off these documents and any liability.

theuncertainty

Ah, sorry, I missed that part. I completely understand that talking with him would be counterproductive, at best. With work lately, we've been doing a lot of document signing electronically because our office is split between two locations. Would the businesses take electronic signatures? As in, could you prep the documents he needs to co-sign, send them to him through an electronic signature service so all he'd have to do is "click here"? You could even copy the representative with the business that you'd spoke with on the signature request (and his mom, if you wished and she has an e-mail account). Or ask the business if them starting that process is an option? IDK. AXH wouldn't sign just to be an a-hat. Legal proceedings, like Atalose suggested, would be the route I'd have to take with him. It's exhausting just thinking about it.

Wishing you luck and continued strength.

Pia

I get it. . . going through some things myself. I fussed, vented and cried.

At the end of the day I had to change what was needed on my own and move on.

Easier said than done but im not angry anymore because I took care of what I could. I hope you can find peace and move forward instead of backwards