premedbails

I don't know how to handle it. Every time I log on to Facebook I see another one of his friends has proposed to one of my girl friends.
It's so crazy to think that might've been us...I'm glad I got out, but I can't help but wonder what we could've been if he hadn't decided the bottle was more important.

FeelingGreat

Hey Premed, guard yourself from looking at other people's lives and thinking everything's perfect. You've got a long med course in front of you where you'll meet people from all over, not just in your immediate circle. The possibilities are endless.

You dodged a bullet, you really did. One day, when it stings less you'll be so glad.

dandylion

premedballs.....I don't think that there is a person in your situation that hasn't wondered that same question.....I think that is human nature....to wonder what would have been.

How do you handle it? By allowing yourself to grieve (which you are doing, right now)....and completing the natural grieving process. that will take some time,,,as you are still in the early stages, I believe.

Try hard not to compare yourself to other people. Especially....don't look at other peoples outsides from your inside......

By the way.....you know that facebook is one big bragsheet, don't you...lol!

Remember that about half of them will get divorced and many more than that will be divorced more than once.......

dandylion

Pia

Please stop looking at his Facebook nothing good is going to come from out of it.

I purchased this Audible called "Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You" By Susan Elliot..... Someone on here recommended it to me. This book has alot of eye opener ideas. Highly recommend it.

Mango blast

Quote/Sharing linked page - Baton Rouge Al-Anon

Addiction feels beyond a choice to those addicted. It fills a need and works for the addict, until it stops working. The vicious cycle.

My addiction is to look at others instead of myself. It filled a need for me. If there is a perceived problem outward, I will, can and have used that as an excuse to not change my own actions and behaviors.

Through Alanon, I am learning of a great strength and love I have inside me that is transforming my relationships with family, my husband, friends and at work. I'm finding what I can change, working on those things and in turn gaining self-esteem, self-confidence and much happiness.

Alcoholism in my life distorted my perceptions and proportions. By acting my way into right thinking, things are getting right-sized.

How has your weekend been? What's the weather like, and what have you been doing for yourself?

I'm glad you're here and posting. Take what helps and leave the rest! I'm not saying to do anything I have. Just sharing a bit of where I've been and currently am.

NYCDoglvr

Compare yourself with yourself, not other people. Another way of saying it is don't compare your insides with other people's outsides. This is something you can control ... and you don't have to look at Facebook either.

Ap052183

Stay away from social media...it tears you down when you are going through a rough patch. Facebook is all about self celebration at times. Dont believe everything you see. I'm still in my rough patch after six months and I've deleted all of his friends from my facebook, I stay away from his hang outs, and I even walk different ways in our shared neighborhood. You have to do anything it takes to keep your mind clear and focused.

premedbails

Thank you all for your advice! I'll admit Facebook can be toxic when you're going through a difficult time. It just seemed very ironic to me that a few weeks after leaving him all of his close friends got engaged.

maybear

What people project onto Facebook is not necessarily their real life! So indeed it can be very toxic for your self esteem to spend time on there comparing.
People go through things at different times in their life, it will probably all be different in a couple of years.
Also, getting 'divorced' on Facebook is even harder!

dandylion

I'll tell you a story that I think underlines the "irony" that you speak of......
Several years ago, here in the DC area, there was the "D.C. Sniper"---someone who was shooting people at random from a vehicle.
It was reported that the p erson might be driving a white paneled truck. Well, I never notice vehicles of any kind. Suddenly, I saw white paneled trucks everywhere. Maybe a dozen or more in a single day. Turns out that there are a lot in the area where I live---there are a lot of contractors. here, that use them.
I had never noticed that before.....until I had a reason to......

dandylion

Hawkeye13

reality check premed:

This man was regularly wetting himself and you in the bed.
His addiction is quite far advanced for that to be happening.

Not marriage material by a long shot.
I know it's hard, but don't idealize the past with him.
remember what he did / does as addict.

You deserve far more

firebolt

Yeah, my facebook is filled with hilarious memes, pics of my family and my motorcycle and my friends, and a random interesting science article here and there.

It is not filled with addict ex after addict ex, one potentially gay ex (pick unavailable men much?) It is not filled with the repulsive things they've said to me in anger, or their crazy mud slinging about me. It isn't filled with my angry mother, or the offenses of my alcoholic boss. It isn't filled with my crazy outbursts, or my jealousy, or my self belittlement.

My friends call it Fakebook. It isn't real. It is for sharing pictures and accolades. That's all.