Nuke

This is going to be a long story of rambling on and on, just to get some things off of my mind.

If this appears too long, here is the synopsis...same story as every other person addicted to alcohol, hoped my situation was different, just to find out that I am not special when it comes to drinking.

At the start of this year, I decided to become a sober alcoholic. That lasted for a total of 44 days before I started drinking beer again, just one here, and another there, and pretty soon I was back to my old self going through a 6pk of beer and a pint of whiskey everynight during the week, and 12pk+ of beer, followed by wine with dinner, and topped off with however much rum/whiskey/vodka/scotch that I could handle before I passed out on the weekends.

Looking back to my highschool days, I was a pretty good kid, I can count the number of beers that I had in highschool on one hand. However, when I joined the Navy, that is when my decade long love affair with alcohol really got started.

I frequently got horrible hangovers for awhile when I first started drinking (why I kept on I have NO idea), but after awhile those started to get less and less, and I found that I could drink like a sailor! Stereotypes come about for a reason, and that is because they generally fit the situation. Every story that you have heard about drunken sailors in foreign countries was pretty true during my time in the Navy. We lived to drink bars dry in every country that we visited.

So, without going into the gory details of that time in my life, let's fast forward to when I got out of the Navy and went to college. I was in prime physical condition, and since I didn't know anybody in Bozeman, I decided to move into the dorms for the first year. They had an "Over 21" dorm that I figured would be a good place for me to go. That way I would not have to purchase alcohol for the new freshman, and I hoped that that dorm would have been more responsible about their alcohol consumption than the traditional dorms would. Boy was I wrong, the addiction that I grew during my time in the service was just built further upon during my college years. As I look back, it actually got worse during those days. While I was in the Navy I was forced to go sober when we went underway. While I was in college all I had to worry about was buying the cheapest stuff I could find so I NEVER ran out. But hey, I was a popular guy, so bumming my drink never seemed to be an issue if I was running short on supply.

Couldn't pass my mechanical engineering classes for some reason (even though I was able to pass nuclear engineering school in the Navy), upper level calculus just was not my strong suit. However, in hindsight, I am willing to bet with a bit more studying I would have been able to pass rather than being a barfly for the three years I was there.

I moved up to a different state college to get my degree in Diesel Technology. This was great, getting a bachelor's in something that I already had a wealth of knowledge in allowed me to concentrate on the more important issues, like being a bartender...

Long story short, graduated college there, married the love of my life (hiding how much I actually drank), had a son, and got an awesome job in the coal mines.

We moved to WY and began our life here. My wife has been on my case for years about how much I drank, and I always tried moderation, and failed miserably. It has just gotten to the point that I have to stop, it is affecting my home life, work life, and how I perceive myself. I had stopped for a few weeks until Friday where I drank myself stupid. This has got to stop...I just cannot have one or two, it always ends up with me blacking out and being a stupid *******.

Thanks for reading my ramblings, it feels better to get that out.

zerothehero

You sound ready. Do you have a plan? Something beyond just "not drinking"? AA? Counseling?

Soberwolf

Nuke its so good to see you man

JD

Welcome aboard. This is a great site for support. It's also good that you've recognized you can't moderate. Remember that, it'll save you a lot lapses and frustration.

Nuke

I have tried AA, and have discovered it is not for me. The whole open group makes me very uncomfortable.

I will reach out to a counselor this coming week, the last guy I used was not a good fit for me, so I need to locate a new one.

JD

You don't necessarily need AA, I tried it in the past and wasn't a good fit for me either. I'm using bits of AVRT, this site and for some inspiration from a web site, livingsobersucks. Those and exercise and some mindfull meditation and lessons learned from past attempts are all part of my plan.

Austin4Wyo

A former Wyoming guy here, and brief Navy vet as well, though I never made it out of boot after I was diagnosed with kerataconus at Red Rover during processing. 84 whole days on my DD 214, with 7.5 accrued leave. Working to see if the VA will take my accrued as terminal and give me 40%.

The long and short of what you said ring pretty true for me in a lot of cases, particularly the working in the industry part and the hangovers part. Why did I continue through all of it? Not only am I addicted to alcohol, but here's the real kicker...I have a lot of other garbage internally that I need to deal with. For a long time, alcohol was a fantastic way to avoid pain. Eventually,the pain of continued drinking outweighed the pain of getting healthy. So, slowly, I've been working through all the internal junk to learn how to deal with it and get through it, rather than numb it with ethanol.

When you were attending AA, were you a meetings only guy, or did you seek a sponsor and get into stepwork? I did great in the meetings, since I could let my want of acceptance run rampant and tell people how good I was doing, fooling myself. I bailed when I had to start actually doing some work with a sponsor, and him and I not being a good fit didn't help. I never made any attempt to change sponsors, I didn't do the work, so wildly, AA didn't work for me either.

I ask because I relocated to Denver in order to participate in another program, which has been giving me a fair amount of success, but I am fully aware that my personal desire to not do the work kept me from success in AA. I didn't jive with my sponsor, you don't jive with groups. I found an excuse to not get sober, and it sounds like you're trying to get out of a similar habit.

What are your actionable steps and plan to make sobriety a reality? A plan, with concrete steps, is absolutely vital. A counselor is a good start, but that's an hour or two a week with a high price tag. What more is there to fill in those large gaps?

I know the dearth of services in Wyoming can be terribly difficult to overcome, particularly in some of those towns where the population is significantly less than Casper, Cheyenne, or Laramie. So I encourage you to take the time to work up a well rounded plan, and to imolement it to the best of your abilities. Keep us posted, because we're all here to help.

desertsong

Wyoming resident here too. I happen to live in the worst county in the state for alcoholism and drug addiction. I live in a resort town and "partying" is the local pasttime. Needless to say, most of the crime here is alcohol related....public intox, DUI, etc. It's very hard for a person with an alcohol problem to get sober here. We have a couple of treatment centers here, but they have revolving doors. I have been to AA here, and it was OK, but it being such a small town, the group is very gossipy. So I can totally relate to the lack of viable resources in this state.

Coming here is a good start. I'm here every day since I don't utilize the "resources" in town. It helps a lot. Do some reading too. I like to read biographies of other alcoholics and books like Rational Recovery. Helps to keep me focused since I don't have any face to face support right now.

Glad you are with us.

Juno11

My brother lives in Wyoming. I've never been there, but will visit him someday! Welcome back! I'm only on Day 7 so will leave the advice to those with more experience I'm not an AA person - have clicked more with SMART Recovery!

Nuke

Well, I went to the Central Wyoming Counseling Center yesterday to start seeking some help for my addiction. The place seemed like a comforting and reassuring center for giving me the assistance that I require.

After speaking with the doc, and going over my typical alcoholic consumption for the past few years, she said that I would most likely benefit the most from an inpatient program, but she understands that I have a good paying job and family that going to an inpatient facility for 3 months would most likely cause issues on that end of my life.

I am set up for a 12 week program on a moderate intensity therapy program that meets twice a week for two hours a day. She said that we will see how that goes and move up the ladder from there if I am not getting an adequate amount of help at the lower intensity program.

I am looking forward to this journey, and hoping that I gain the insight that I need to overcome this problem in my life.

Thanks for all of the support that this site has provided me. While I do not post too much, I spend a good amount of time on here reading stories, support, and ideas that others are going through.

Thanks again, have a great week!

- Nuke

LBrain

glad to hear you are moving with this Nuke

The most important aspect of the entire process is the willingness to succeed. Regardless of the program, 30 day or 90 day inpatient to twice a week for a couple hours, you have to be totally committed to make this work for you.

Acceptance that alcohol is no longer an option from here forward is the most important concept to grasp. Once you realize that, not drinking for any reason whatsoever, you are on your way to success.

Never look back, never "miss it" or reminisce. It's a whole new life.
Embrace it and enjoy it. In time you will think back on what a great choice this is.

Fly N Buy

Hi Nuke, thanks for the posts.......

Your story is ours - some of the details differ, but we are not unique. Your signature line from the Doctors Opinion grabbed me. It is well to focus exactly on that as that quote is the essence of powerless and unmanageable, leading us directly into the first step = acceptance.

Many of us took years to accept the fact we could not drink a little once in awhile. We drank a lot, typically - but not always - often.

When we get to the point of accepting both the problem and the solution we start to stand a chance......

Keep posting, friend.
You are not alone~!

ScottFromWI

Great to hear that you have found a program with promise, I hope you can move forward and learn. Keep an open mind!

Nuke

I have known for a LONG time that I have had a problem with alcohol, heck I have even tried to get sober in the past, just to end up back where I was with worse symptoms than before. It is the peer pressure that kills me, I just need to learn to stand up for myself and let my friends/coworkers who know me as the "guy who drinks alot" that is no longer me. I am comfortable without drinking, but for some reason I fear that by being labeled an "alcoholic" it will show that I have a weakness. Once I get my head around that and take that first step to letting people know that I have a problem I will be well on the way to my recovery.

This really hit home for me...as I think about it, I never just drank for fun, I drank to get drunk. The more that I consumed in a binge the more that I wanted to drink, even knowing that the following morning would be a miserable experience, I could not overcome the desire/urge to continue drinking until I passed out. I remember in my heavier drinking days going into the bathroom, puking my guts out, and then going right back to the bar to replace the alcohol that I just flushed down the toilet. How ******* stupid was I...

I have my wife to thank for not being in that life anymore. While I still drank I started hiding it and not getting to the point of throwing up just so I didn't have to explain it to her. However when I was out of town of business or camping, game on...damn what a sick life I led...

Thanks for the support guys!

PurpleKnight

Sounds positive Nuke!! You can do this!!

Austin4Wyo

I completed CWCC's residential men's program on two occasions. Both times, my lack of success following was NOT due to any deficiency in their program. As for their substance abuse program, I have nothing but good things to say. If you begin looking down that road, I am available to discuss my experience.

Their IOP, however, was less useful for me. I had just been exposed to a VERY similar curriculum in the residential side, and was needing concrete, practical steps to restart life. Revisitting the addictionology and treatment methodology wasn't helpful, and after trying two different groups, I elected to save my money. That isn't a statement to the effectiveness, rather my needs not being congruent with what was offered. If you're being exposed for the first time, I hope you have more success.

If you're in Casper frequently, the 12-24 Club at 500 S. Wolcott also has a bevy of resources and referral information. They host a number of groups for meetings, so if you're at all interested in revisitting AA or trying NA (alcohol IS a drug, and I have had great experiences in NA), the variety there may be helpful. If not, the other resources may be of use to you. If nothing else, you can network with others who share your struggle in a supportive, recovery-oriented environment. Good place to grab lunch in a neutral setting, and Joy runs a fine kitchen.

Are you insured? There's a shorter residential option (30 days) in Casper at Wyoming Recovery if you're eligible. I only know about it secondhand insofar as treatment methodology, but I knew their director, Dr. Bert Toews from church on a personal level. He's a recovering individual himself, and sometimes that makes a difference. They also offer outpatient groups such as IOP. It's another option to explore, anyway.

Glad to see you taking great steps and following through. Taking action, at least for me, was always the hard part. Keep up the good work, and keep us posted.

Nuke

So far with CWCC I am pleased with their program, and it helps that you back up their methods for therapy. The doc that I spoke to said that with my history, the residential treatment would be my best bet, but due to my career and family issues, she thought that the bad outweighed the good for placing me in the residential side of the house.

We discussed both the IOP and the MOP classes and decided upon the MOP to see if that would be all that I needed to get my head on straight. If I needed more we would escalate my therapy to the IOP or residential if need be.

I am insured, thank God after looking at their rates, so the financial side of this will not be too bad. Since they bill my insurance first and make me pick up the residual that will help. My last counselor that I went to made me pay all up front and wait to be reimbursed, that adds up quickly at $500/week...

I have gone to the N. Beech street AA, and while they were a good group of people, I just did not feel that I "fit" there. I have looked at 12/24 Club, and plan on checking it out after CWCC for follow up, but I wanted to give the professionals a shot first.

Thanks for the encouragement, I plan on making it stick this time through.