Liveitwell

This came to me from a divorced women's group I'm a member of....wanted to get your thoughts. I struggled with this for so long-not hating him, but hating the disease. Sometimes I feel it's a cop out! Separating the two seems impossible...esp when you realize maybe this IS who he truly just is. Anyway, interested in hearing your perspectives:

" Don't hate the addict, hate the disease; don't hate the person, hate the behavior; if it's hard to watch it, imagine how hard it is to live it".

Peace, y'all.

dandylion

Yes, it is true that all addicts live in pain......ir the addiction wouldn't be able to take them over.

However.....a big however.....addicts in pain cause pain for other people.
It is our reaponsibility to protect ourselves from those who harm us.....wherever the harm comes from.
Just like the tiger with a thorn in the paw.....the tiger is in pain and will eat you alive because of it. It would be our task to prevent the tiger from doing that.....

Lol.....forourgirls, those are my thoughts.......

dandylion

Liveitwell

I totally dig the tiger analogy, dandy!! Lol. Yes-those are my thoughts on this as well.

dandylion

forourgirls, lol.....I just love anything to do with cats.....

dandylion

honeypig

I have mixed feelings also, Forourgirls. No, they certainly don't choose to have the disease, but they surely do choose whether or not they get help.

I don't hate XAH, by no means, yet I do feel that he has a choice and has chosen to drink and lie again and again. I don't feel he's helpless. He told me right out that he has never once reached out for help when he felt like drinking, even though he knows that's what he should do, even though he has lists of names of people he could talk to.

Add to that the fact that he was in recovery for several years before we got together, so he has had the experience, he knows what it takes. He knows how to do this and has done it before. But he stopped doing it and has not gone back to doing it.

If that's not a choice, I don't know what else to call it.

NYCDoglvr

Doing the 12 Steps in Alanon helped me reduce the negative emotions (anger, resentment) a great deal. Got to the root of MY part in all this and took the focus off being a victim. In the end my part was picking an abuser and staying much longer than I knew was best. Of course he was wrong, but I'm responsible for the people I bring into my life. By seeing that a lot of the resentment lifted and I was able to heal.

Pia

Wow... this makes so much sense to me.