snoopdoggypug

So I'm approaching 2 weeks, and yesterday, Friday after a hard long week at work, the addictive voice starts about 4pm : "Come on you've done 2 weeks" , "You deserve a nice cold beer" , "You can keep it to weekends" etc etc

The sensible voice is quite well trained now and responds "But you know where it leads" , "It won't just be a couple" , "Think of how you'll feel in the morning", "Remember why you're doing this" etc etc

This argument goes on for about 3 hours & the sensible voice finally says "Go on then, the shop's there, go & get some cold beers nobody is stopping you"

The addictive voice finally gave in & agreed "No you're right, it's a bad idea"

After that the arguing stopped, I felt at peace, had some nice dinner, read a little & went to bed sober.

This morning, as with every morning now, I'm feeling really pleased, but I don't know how much of this schizophrenic daily battle I can take towards the end of every day!

If anyone can relate to this, does this ever go away?? I'm hoping the addictive voice fades over time but yesterday it was louder than it had been the whole 2 weeks.

It's freaking me out a bit feeling like I've got 2 personalities

Fluffer

Hey Snoops,

Well, you pretty much nailed it with your description of the schizophrenia between the rational and addicted minds. Yes, you can quiet down the AV with some time and training and two weeks is still early days. Are you getting some help with this? Maybe therapy, group meetings or relevant reading? Posting and reading here is good as well! Cheers and good luck.

Berrybean

Lol. Good thread. And good job at not listening to that AV.

Mine is too much like a small whining child to be allowed too much notice. "blah blah blah, it's not fair; blah blah, I never get to....; blah blah blah pleeeease...; blah blah blah go oooooooon, just one..."

I try to keep it short and sweet in any inner discussion: "No." or "Shush. You should be in bed asleep". Trying to enter into dialogue with a spoilt toddler brat like my AV really is just asking for frustration and disaster (give it an inch and it'll take a mile).

mecanix

Engaging with such arguments is horrible ,
the further you push off the table the option to drink , the more firmly you set against it , the more resolute you are , the swifter the argument ends .

This "chatter" is all caused by alcohol so the further you go into working a decent sobriety and your last drink the less it gets .

I never now ask myself if i shall have a drink or not , the question does not arise . once a question is answered to your satisfaction the question goes away .

I don't ask myself whats 2 + 2 and ruminate over the answer . I know , I know i don't drink , the question goes away if answered to my satisfaction .

The addicted part of you is dissatisfied with the answer , with sober time and effort, acceptance will happen and the question will go away .

Thats how it was for me , anyhow .

Bestwishes, m

Deckard

mecanix, I really like that.

I think of it a similar way: I don't get out of bed in the morning and wonder if I can fly. It would be insane to even entertain the notion. I know I just can't do it. Same with drinking...

GerdMuller

Has anyone here read The Chimp Paradox? It could be argued from that point of view that your AV is actually your chimp (wants instant gratification etc).

I've heard a lot of people here saying to stonewall the AV or just disengage with it. I find that really difficult. In the Chimp book it talks about "managing" these voices, for example: "look I know you want a drink, but instead we can do X, Y or Z..."

Is this the right way to approach this? Or does this lead to other additctions. Just ignoring my AV just makes it shout a hell of a lot louder!!

InTheEnd

In the past, I always gave in at about two weeks quit. The AV was quite loud and I believed it, and took that drink.

This time, I said NO! It was just as strong, but I kept fighting it. It truly was a mental battle. But for once....just one time, I wanted to visit this "imaginary and forbidden land" called sobriety for more than 2 weeks without that bitch AV whining 24/7.

It's been 69 days, it think now? Since Aug 10th. And for me, the AV is much less disruptive. Almost like a random text you get from someone that wasn't expected and you really don't want to talk to. So I do what I do with those texts....I see/hear it, sorta shrug and roll my eyes, ignore it and it's forgotten.

On the rare occasion I do engage it now, its a short encounter. My last words to it are always "I don't drink anymore". There is no longer a "Well, maybe, if..." or a choice anymore. My past drinking life has proven that I CAN NOT DRINK!

I had LOTS of chatter between the two voices, but it does lessen, and I have long periods of time now I don't even think about alcohol, which is sorta freaky in itself! Such a relief.

Give it time....keep moving forward. You will see!

Congrats on almost 2 weeks!

Nonsensical

Snoopdoggypug - You don't HAVE a sensible voice, you ARE the sensible voice.

I refer to Beccybean's child having a tantrum analogy. Why does the child throw a tantrum? Because it has worked in the past. Why would my AV get louder? Because it's worked in the past. Once that stops working it looks for another tactic.

That said, defeating an addiction is a highly personalized affair. Whatever works for YOU works for you. I found conversations, negotiations, and appeasement vis-a-vis my AV to be unproductive, but your mileage may vary.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Soberwolf

Yes with time it will get a lot better starve the AV at every opportunity I like doing gratitude lists to help & writing a journal every day or every other really helps with
reflection

Soberween

That addictive voice finally shut up once I truly surrendered and accepted that drinking alcohol was no longer an option. Once that option no longer existed and was completely off the table, my road to recovery became a smooth, slow reawakening. I've met many recovering alcoholics who have said ACCEPTANCE was the key to their healing because that was when the addictive voice was finally silenced.

Bird615

Yes! The thought still comes into my head, but not the desire. Once the acceptance came, I haven't been able to entertain that thought of drinking without a clear picture of all the grief that will most definitely come with it. Then it's easy to dismiss as just a thought.

It's like "Well, sure I could have that drink but am I also willing to have all the pain that goes with it?" Before acceptance, it was easy to lie to myself about where that drink would lead. I can't lie anymore and it's no longer a fight.

KidsEverywhere

Ha ha. Yep. I think we all have it. Mine is the: "you were going to bed at a decent hour, going to work everyday, not drinking a ton, it's the weekend, a lot of other folks drink more than you and are still drinking"
The reality was: I was going to bed at a decent hour to keep from doing something crazy to drink more, going to work everyday feeling bad, I was drinking a ton- too much every single day, the weekend was just an excuse to ramp up an already over the top problem, and there are a lot of other folks who drink more than me who are having or will have a lot more problems than me- particularly now that I'm not drinking and it is not an issue.

desertsong

Oh how I can relate! I am now on day 5 after over a year of drinking following over a year sober. I tell you, I didn't miss that annoying voice when it finally shut up about 6 months into my recovery.

It's back now, of course, and as annoying as ever. I like the analogy of a persistent, whiny toddler, and I treat it as such and just keep telling it "NO." Eventually it either gives up or tries another tactic, like manipulation or rationalization, in which case I remind it that all of its tactics are futile because I don't drink anymore. Then I go to my "list." It's something I wrote down awhile back and contains all of the horrible things I've done and felt over the last year of drinking after over a year of sobriety, which includes:

- drinking at work
- giving myself a black eye after walking into a door
- crashing my car into a snowbank and taking out my driveline and an axel
- passing out frequently at night while my autistic son (who is prone to seizures) was left unsupervised

That usually does the trick.

The arguments come and go, but they get less frequent with time. If you're feeling yourself wobble, come here and let us be the sensible voices until yours is stronger!

sobriiestote

I hope it's true that the question will go away...

40 days here and I still have a voice saying "just one night???"

But if a future me was to talk back to me and tell me 1 night would put me back on the hamster wheel of 2 bottles of wine a night then I wouldn't do it.

That's all I'm clinging to now, the fact that I don't want to be back there, but part of me also wants "a night off".

Someone in group this morning told me "you can drink as much as you want to tomorrow, just don't ever do it today..."

Dee74

I think most of us struggle with that for a little while - I dunno about anyone else but that voice had free rein for many many years. Give yourself a little time to change Snoop - it won't always be like this

I eventually found out I don't need to engage with the AV at all.

NO is a complete sentence, whether it's a puppy a toddler or an AV

D

letitgo

At one time I thought I could fly but I think I was drinking at the time.

Better to just kill the whole conversation kind of like when you notice something. Take a half second acknowledge it and move on. Read Allan Carrs how to control drinking. A great chapter on alcoholic schizophrenia. Very common debate like any addict to any drug.

Congrats on 2 weeks!!

snoopdoggypug

Thanks for all these replies, there's some really helpful stuff here. I think treating the AV as an annoying whiny toddler is a great psychology! Really appreciate all the support, can't write much as away just with phone but thanks all :-)

Berrybean

Lol - this reminded me of my old next door neighbour who always developed a deep conviction that he could levitate off his bar stool after an evening knocking back tequila. And he'd give it a really good go every time. Needless to say - bruised bums were the only result. His other conviction was that one day he would manage to cycle home with his eyes shut. He'd go off ahead and we'd listen out for the crash and somehow scrape him up and help him home. I liked drinking with him. He made my drinking and behaviour look pretty sane and 'normal'.