KKE

Hi there

I have been a member here for a while now and have dipped in and out over the years. There's been some good and really quite bad times.

I am thankful that my husband found AA a couple of years ago. He's now hasn't picked up a drink or drugs for well over a year. This year, he's changed so much honestly, it's quite amazing. Mindfulness courses, daily meditation, spirituality books and even a secretary at an NA fellowship.

As thankful as I am, it seems that the healthier he has become, the sicker I have. Or the more obviously sicker I've become. This year I've put on 4 stone of weight, I think I'm depressed and Every 6-8 weeks I go out and have massive binge on drink and drugs to the point I need to vomit even the next day. Away from my home of course. I'm completely sober for the rest of the time, not even one glass of wine. I am not an alcoholic but I do things to huge extremes and this has become worse since my husband has made this massive change in his life.

I don't really know what I am asking for by putting this here but just wanted to say it. Thanks for listening!!

firebolt

Are you in Alanon, or some other support program? This will help immensely if not!! I cant rave enough about counseling as well. A book i'm loving is called Conquering Codependency and Shame - it's really helping me get to the root of my issues. I wish you the best!!

KKE

Ready for my excuses?!

Alanon - started, dipped in and out, can't commit.

Over eaters anonymous - I go once every 2-3 weeks, basically I don't commit.

Books - the last time I finished a book was ten years ago. I started books, get bored then they live by my bed for a few months. Strangely, I'm happy to read academic stuff, reported s and government legislation that's linked to my job.

Basically, I'm pretty lazy. This apathy and can't be bothered vibe has got worse this last year. First world problems all this I know.

happybeingme

Some of that can be health related. Thyroid or Polycystic ovarian syndrome. Go get a full check up and blood work. You are walking a fine line. Binging on drugs and or alcohol can cause accidental death. Also, you don't have to be a daily drinker to be an alcoholic. If once you start you can't stop, you have major problems.

If nothing else keep posting here. We care

firebolt

Don't beat yourself up - you're speaking my language here, sista.

Something with suck you in if you keep trying, it will just speak to you! You'll get as focused on getting yourself better as you were on getting your husband better Much like an alcoholic, we have to hit some sort of bottom.

FeelingGreat

KKE barring medical causes, which you should exclude by seeing your doctor, it sounds like you're building up a head of steam which you need to release periodically. Be very careful because you're training your body to crave drink and drugs when the stress level gets to high, and that can be a hard habit to break. I was never a binge drinker but I did train my brain to crave alcohol for relaxation, whereas now I know there are many other ways to achieve it.

So first step would be to talk to your doctor. You have to be totally honest with them. I mention this because it's really hard to spit the words out sometimes. Your doc will probably assess whether you're depressed and may recommend anti-depressants to get you over the hump. They can be life savers.

You have a reliable pattern of bingeing, so consider making a plan to get you through the time when you're craving drugs and drink. How about enlisting your husband to help, because if anyone knows what you're experiencing, he does.

Are there any stressors in you life you can control? I'm sure if you sit down and make a list you'll find some ways to alleviate them, even if it's getting in a cleaner or going for a walk. You sound like a smart woman and I bet you can do this.

KKE

Thank you for the replies.

I have actually been to the dr and had blood tests. They found I've got a borderline under active thyroid. Just not low enough for thyroxine. Since then I made the decision to have a gastric bypass privately as I'm not fat enough to have it through nhs (my bmi is 38). Hopefully having the op in December.

I think that since my H found recovery properly my crap has become so much more visible? I'm still lonely and when I go out I almost feel like I can just be myself when I binge. Like the only time I don't take life or myself too seriously. It's just bizarre how he gets better and I start to slip.

NYCDoglvr

Thanks to Alanon I saw that picking an alcoholic was a way of avoiding my own problems. I could focus on the problems of someone else, try to fix them, and not deal with my pain and fear. So I recommend recovery and sticking to Alanon. Get a sponsor and do the steps. The answer isn't in other people, food, alcohol/drugs or spending money, it's in addressing the primary problems we constantly try to escape.

KKE

I really don't know what the problem is though? I'm quite self aware, analytical and have a relatively good understanding of behaviour. Nothing really resonates in me when I think of potential issues.

LifeRecovery

A couple of things come up for me reading your original post (I am sorry I meant to post earlier this week).

I also am pretty good when I put on my rational brain. For me though and my upbringing (though in many ways a good one) I did not learn how to feel. I would stuff, bottle things up and then later explode. My drug of choice has always been food.

For me not feeling and not allowing myself any feelings is what created my eating disorder, I believe led me to codependent behaviors and definately contributed to me meeting, loving and marrying a man with problem drinking. I think many of us on this side can relate to our stuff not causing another's disorder but definately being willing to sign up for the ride.

What kind of support do you have for you? This is what helped me with all of it, and I needed different support at different times. Al-Anon I did a little later in my own recovery....but guess what it has helped with food stuff for me.

Also there is some significant data that with gastric bypass surgery of any kind some people are more likely to develop alcohol addiction. They don't necessarily have statistics on WHY this happens, but they know that it does. As they do your pre-op work up you may want to ask about this more fully so you can make a fully informed decision for your own well-being.

firebolt

I had an afterthought too - you mentioned depression in your original post, and I think the weight gain, binging and not wanting to do things to help yourself could all just be symptoms of that -I think talking with your doc is a great idea. A counselor I had told me that a lot of people only need anti depressants for 3 - 6 months, and it kicks our brain chemicals right back into action and makes them work again.

This may have been true for me...I went on Welbutrin to quit smoking, felt better than I had in years on it, quit the pills after quitting smoking, and I still feel great. Hard to tell if that's the pills working some magic or recovery, but it might be worth thinking about.

dandylion

KKE......it is a well known fact among behavioral therapists that, very often, when one partner gets "better".....the other partner can get "sick".
I wouldn't presume to comment on that, specifically, of course.....as one can never know the whole gestalt of a person over the I nternet...lol......and the whole interpersonal interplay between partners can be quite complex......

Delving into these waters generally takes ongoing therapy with a very trusted therapist and a willingness to dig deep........ It is rewarding, but it can also bring up a lot of "stuff".....so it takes a modicum of bravery and a wiliness to do whatever it takes to "get better".......

Even if you have had therapy in the past.....I would give it another consideration....

dandylion