Hercules

I drunk again after my 4000th time trying to get sober ended up in a strip club and the usual risky behaviours entailed etc etc!!

Iam again full of fear guilt shame and wish sometimes I was not born, I hate the stuff I have done drunk,I have zero peace of mind at the moment and the impending doom is immense.

I wish I was different, I wish I was not an alcoholic I wish I could change. I have a feeling it's too late and I have wrecked my life completely with my drunk decisions.!!

ScottFromWI

It's never to late to change your life Hercules. You cannot change the fact that you are an alcoholic, but you can change how you approach it.

Until you accept that you need help nothing will change though. You need to take action to make it happen. By action I mean seeking help from outside...like AA or some other kind of meeting based recovery, rehab, counseling, etc. Just "not drinking" is not going to work for the majority of us. Are you willing do do these things to get sober?

ast1

Today is a new day. Man up and refocus. Can't change the past but you can change the future. You don't have to continue in the self destructive mode. Get the help and support you need. I'm pulling for you, we're all in this together!

Marcolovich

It's a difficult task at times to stay sober, a lot of alcoholics have to lose everything before they realize they have everything to gain from sobriety. I hope you are triumphant in your struggles!

gonzo51511

yep I agree with all scott said. its all perspective herc. how u choose to look at things. that's what I am learning in Aa. there is just as much positive as there is negagitve in every situation. just depends what side u choose to focus on. and personally im realizing that I am glad I am an alcoholic. now that im taking action and learning and recovering, it explains so much about why I felt the way I did. with working these steps we get the opportunity to come out of this better and stronger than we went in. that's pretty amazing if u think about it. most illnesses don't have that. we get better though if we want to. good luck man

breath

Until we are willing to change nothing will change. That means recognizing that we may need to do things we don't want to do, create a fear or preconcieved idea around; Stuff that is hard, uncomfortable, we THINK won't work, or is "not for us"

In short, until we are willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES, then we just aren't willing. ANd as you have discovered, it's not goingto happen if we depend on ourselves, or own willpower is not enough, we need the help of others.
I'm with Scott & ast1; that is how we must approach it; until then you can't rely on miracles
DO IT; and be grateful you are doing it at 4,000. For many of us it took thousands more.

Soberwolf

How much more are you willing to take away from yourself ?

In all 4000 attempts at sobriety can I politely ask what have you tried to stay sober

Some people go to rehab & change thier lives so they never have to go through what your going through now over & over again

It's up to you Hercules its your life for me I took alcohol off the menu no matter what I don't drink I know what happens if I drink & that's why I don't

What are you getting out of drinking = Shame & regret etc your paying to feel shame & regret imagine you started waking up with no shame or regret and you started to look feel & think better ?

Have you considered detox or rehab ?

Parker0065

Hercules your definitely not alone in your feelings!

I have failed in many ways with alcohol in both my actions when I drank and my ability to stop.
What has helped me in understanding my powerlessness over alcohol is simply in the fact of these failures. Why have I failed to stop drinking in the past? It's simply because I am powerless and it will win over me every time,,,, unless I'm diligent, ask for help, and just not drink today!

Best Wishes!

thomas11

Hercules, read what is quoted above about 25 times and answer those questions to yourself honestly. Its a good start.
Most of us have experienced the exact same feelings you are experiencing. Its not fun. But once you make the commitment to turn things around, life can be fun....without booze. Even if its not as "fun" it is definitely more genuine.

PurpleKnight

As long as we keep getting a new day, we can do something about it, but it's gonna take acceptance some real change to your life.

Ending up in a strip club does not sound like the right decision making compatible with trying to make Sobriety work!!

You can do this, but nothing changes if nothing changes!!

Dee74

I used to wish I was different too Herc. It took me many years to see that what I really needed to do was act differently.

There's nothing good going to come from me being in a strip club. There's nothing good gonna come from me lurching from situation to situation without any kind of real plan to stay sober.

I had to make changes - real lasting changes - in my life - and I had to find support - and commit to using that support.

I dunno about you but I put a lot of effort into getting drunk and staying that way and then dealing with the aftermath and trying to be a secret drinker.

I had to put that same kind of determination and focus into my recovery or I was lost before I started...y'know?

D

Anna

Hercules, I think you are right where you should be at this point. I think you are learning what you need to learn. It might not be where you want to be, but it's where you are. Embrace it. Find what you are meant to learn from this and move on. You can choose how to live the rest of your life.

thomas11

Please don't think that way hercules. You are here, you want to get sober. You haven't wrecked your life...yet. I am currently working with a guy, and I DO believe he has wrecked his life. I told him about this website, he has no interest in checking it out. he is mid 40's, no license, no ambition, and is mad at the world. He is somewhat sober but his life is circling the drain because he's convinced himself that he has wrecked it and there is no pulling out of it, thus he makes NO EFFORT to try and improve his situation. You don't want to be that guy. And you don't have to be.