back2thegoodME

Im not sure where to post this. I am newly trying to get sober and also realizing I am co-dependent. I want to work on my co-dependency issues although I have no idea how or where to start? When I am sober a few days I do feel stronger with more self worth and esteem so I know that could be the first step. I need to learn to love myself but i dont know how? I heard it a million times i need to love myself before someone else can love me, etc. But how?!! how do i love myself? it sounds so stupid but i dont know what to do. ive been searching co-dependent help sites although i cant find any true help on HOW to heal my pain and worries.

ast1

It doesnt sound stupid.

First step for me is forgiveness. I have to forgive me, my past my hurts my sins. I can't fix what I have done or what others have done to me but I can forgive and move forward. It's the face yourself moments that I can struggle with. Once I accept me and my faults I can move forward.

Hope this helps.

Soberwolf

With a plan is an excellent start heres some links to get started if you need help constructing a plan the SR mods are kind wise & very helpful

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

Della1968

There is a great book called "Codependent No More" that helped me a lot. The author also has a few other books on the subject.

SportsFan15

I understand your struggle, B2TGM. My codependency and alcoholism are very intertwined.

Ditto on Melody Beattie book Codependent No More. Such a easy to understand explanation of CoD from a recovering codependent addict. Beattie REALLY gets it.

What I have done is I've been going to private therapy sessions for around 3 years. Truly it may not take others that long....but I needed time for therapist to help me see reality.

Oftentimes codependency comes from attachment issues from childhood. For many codependents, they never "differentiated" from a parent or parents, caregiver, or other relationship. Many codependents are survivors of abuse.

I had a lot of incorrect thoughts streaming through my head constantly. The therapist helped untangle those and I see reality more clearly. I am moving towards wholeness.

I hope this helps some. Also group therapy or support groups may be an option for you. For me, I had to FINALLY understand what happened in childhood and adulthood to gain a sense of self esteem. It takes time but is so worth it.

SportsFan15

Cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness meditation are both good for codependency AND addiction. CBT helps us identify unhealthy thoughts and manage thoughts before they turn into emotions (sadness, anger, fear etc).

HeartsAfire

Read any & everything you can by Melodie Beattie. She has a fabulous daily devotional-type book called "The Language of Letting Go." I believe you can even find the posts online.

Berrybean

Yes - agree on the CoDependent No More book.

Have you looking into CoDa (codependents anonymous)? I went to a few of their meetings and will probably go intermittently (as it's a tricky meeting to fit in for me). The CoDa handbook is available to buy online and I found that a very helpful read.