atomicindigo

1 in the afternoon and I find myself fantasizing that I have a glass of red wine sitting in front of me, knowing that an afternoon glass will only turn into an afternoon bottle. I've been unemployed for months now and the dead space in may day doesn't make things any easier.

I decided to go back to school to keep myself busy. It helps but doesn't fill the gap of social interaction. I go to the corner store to get a cup of coffee and have empty conversation with the guy at the counter. I go to the coffee shop and get more coffee, and chat with the barista's.

I've never had a wide circle of friends. It's fine, it's who I am. But the friends I do have work during the day and most are being mom's and wife's at night.

There's yoga. I go to the 6pm classes, that way I get home around 8. Just in time to take my meds. This is my tactic for not drinking at night. My meds knock me out. So I know once I have taken them I won't go out. Inevitably, I would blackout if I did.

So, there you have it. Wake up, look for jobs, do homework, get coffee, get more coffee, look for jobs, go to yoga, pass out, do it again.

My logical brain tells me drinking doesn't help any of this. It doesn't, I know that. In fact, it's more likely it would hinder my job search. But, in the moment, it feels good, like a comfy security blanket.

Berrybean

What about some volunteering? It'll do wonders for your esteem; keep you busy; and also look great on your job applications.

Anna

It's not a security blanket and that's your nasty AV talking to you. I think it's great that you are in school getting education and you're job-hunting. Those are good things. How about trying some volunteer work in your community as a way to meet sober people and to get outside of your head? Good luck with the job search.

SoberInCLE

I have a hard time broadening my social net too. Don't beat yourself up over it.

ccam1973

Don't listen to that voice Atomicindigo. Absolutely nothing good will come to you if you drink. It will stifle all of the progress you are making with school, yoga, etc.

Sometimes life feels like a big, never ending routine and it doesn't discriminate... but that's life.

You're doing great. Stay strong today!

AlHowSoonisNow

Volunteering is a great idea! As long as they don't reject you!

A couple of weeks ago I was walking through the city after going to the bank after work....dressed well. I found myself walking past an Oxfam shop and they had a sign outside "we need volunteers"..

I thought about it for a minute and went in. they asked me to fill out and form and told me they really need someone for Friday and Saturday evenings....I thought....perfect! my danger times!

they haven't called me back!! rejected for a volunteer position!!

oh well....I'll try a different one

tomsteve

how bout stopping by that place oxfam shop and finding out if they still need volunteers?
i dont think its a rejection. it could be they have a huge stack of forms and filled the spots before getting to yours.

but,yes, theres many places to volunteer,too.

fantail

I'm unemployed too. Actually I've been unemployed for three stretches of various lengths during the last 2.5 years. I was sober for part of that time, and drinking for part of it. I can definitely say that the drinking made it worse. Not just that my job hunting was lazy and ineffective, which it was... it also made the time feel more cavernous and depressing. I would get a few hours of being able to forget everything, but all the time around that was filled with guilt, hangovers, and total lack of motivation. I really felt like "OK, I'm not going to hurt myself, but if I were to get hit by a bus tomorrow on my way to buy groceries, that wouldn't be so bad."

I'm newly sober and just moved cross country. I'm putting a lot of energy into working freelance, so I'm not fully unemployed, but while I build up my client base I've still got a lot of free time. To make sure I wouldn't be so tempted, I took a part-time job at a natural foods store. It doesn't pay well, but it's a little bit of money coming in, it's social interaction, and it's just generally a way to feel useful. Also I know a lot more about vegetables now.

Berrybean

Its probably worth popping back and checking your details reached the right person - my friend had applied to volunteer and had an informal interview at a dog and human cafe, and then didn't hear anything back. I met her in there for coffee and the lady rushed over and asked if she was still interested in volunteering and apologised for not contacting. She's lost her bag with the contact details in it and had no other way of getting in touch. And there was my friend feeling rejected and dejected all those weeks. She works there every week now

atomicindigo

Volunteering would definitely be a lot more productive than making so many coffee trips, lol

MidnightBlue

Hi, Atomic.

Sorry you are going through unemployment hardships now.
I was unemployed for a long period of time too, and in such a deep debt that at some point just had no money even to buy food, and banks were constantly calling and harassing me. It's hard to convey the sense of desperation I felt.

I finally got a job, and what is more - I like it. My financial situation is still far from perfect but surely better.

I absolutely hear you about "comfortable blanket" - it's so seducing to slip there when life gives you a lot of pain.

But being sober gives you a good chance to gain another level of comfort - of higher quality - comfort of feeling that you don't need to hide under the blanket, but can face challenges and even find some new opportunities in them.

Meditation and mindfulness also helped a lot.

You will find a job - it's a matter of time. And when the right offer finds you - you'll be sober and ready to go.

Best wishes to you and lots of luck in finding a job.

Soberwolf

Volunteering is a great idea

entropy1964

Hi there
I relate to your post. I'm a complete lone wolf. My day is getting daughter ready for school, yoga, shop for groceries, house work, wait for daughter to get home. The days without her are really lonely so I signed up for volunteer work. I've just started but its better than twiddling my thumbs...although I am good at staying busy with who knows what. I also joined a Refuge Recovery group and a Meditation group...Meetups. So there are options out there. Often I find very little motivation to go once I've eaten dinner. Anyway, I do understand. I know that drinking will make everything worse. My mind tells me to drink because I'm lonely. Drinking alone? How lonely is that?

hopepraylove

Don't get discouraged! There are a ton of volunteer opportunities here:

https://www.volunteermatch.org/

Good luck! Keep going

Ruby2

I vote with volunteering somewhere to help fill up the days with something meaningful to you.

I just wanted to say, sometimes all of this is a matter of perspective. I am employed and would absolutely LOVE the change of pace you described - coffee shops, classes, yoga. I can't do that. My day is get up, get two kids ready for school - making breakfast, making their lunches, making sure they're dressed. I have ten minutes to shower, dress and put on my makeup (ha!). I drop them off at school, fight traffic to work. Sit in a brain deadening job until I get to fight an hour of traffic home, get kids, feed them, fight them into bed, clean house and do laundry and then have an hour or less to myself before starting the whole thing over again the next day. I don't see my friends. I don't call my friends. I don't get to the gym to work out or yoga classes in the evening.

You're doing well that you recognize that the call to drink is a sham. It isn't going to help anything about what is going on. Hang in there.

whopper

Hi, I know how you feel. I was working for 8 mo, then I got a layoff. Since then I have been drinking and feeling depressed. Staying at home is boring and lonely. Being single at 39 ain't so easy, I feel lonely a lot. Living in a suburb like I do with nothing to do hurts as well. I have little friends where I am, and it is difficult making new ones. Pm me if you want to make friends with me.

Della1968

Don't get discouraged I lost a job I had for 10 years due to drinking. Got my act together and now have a job I love. If I was still drinking the opportunity would never have happened.

immri

i second the volunteering idea! I volunteer a few places 3 times a week and it's been so good for me to keep busy/meet new people/get some confidence back and looks good on my resume I do think it's worth asking again about the position, and even if you didn't get it there's no harm in trying again somewhere else. i've been rejected from a volunteer position because i wasnt the best fit, but that's fine! just try somewhere else, i'm from a small city but there's still lots of options. Before volunteering my schedule was pretty much exactly like yours, homework and job search and coffee and yoga, yep! volunteering or some self-initiated work is a great way to fill that time productively

shade47

You may want to look into meetup groups in your area (just google meetup and the area name or local postal code). If you desire an experience of jumping in feet first, then you might try an enthusiast group centered around an interest outside your educational field and currently active hobbies.

Simpleman1979

I had the literal, EXACT problem. I went back to school and while it kept me busy, it still gave me enough wiggle room in my daily routine to squeeze in getting drunk at night. Now that I graduated I'm still looking for a job in my field but have started volunteering at an organization that does what I went to school for. HOWEVER, it still doesn't help with my drinking b/c since I volunteer, I get to make my own hours which I inevitably schedule around sleeping late so I can drink at night. What I found works for me(having been in your exact situation), is to get a normal job that will REQUIRE you to be there at times determined by them(preferably early), even if it's not in your field. I got a job in a factory while I was in school that required me to be there at 6am and you can bet I quit drinking every night then. The drawback with volunteering is if you can't control your alcoholism, you will find a way to volunteer around your drinking, not vice versa. But everybody's situation is different but hopefully this helps a little bit. BEST OF LUCK! I'm struggling right here with you, right now.