The other shoe dropped
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 67
The other shoe dropped
While my fiance was white knuckling sobriety, I stuck with my principle of not living together until he had one year clean and seemed, by my standards, committed to recovery. I spent time with him on weekends with our baby so he could be with her but it was frustrating for me, feeling like he was a part time parent. But to me over the past two months he has seemed clean, so I have been "happy."
And also admittedly I want a partner and coparent, a perfect picturesque family, so that's why we spent every weekend together.
Anyway i had a friend visit me this weekend and felt like my fiance earned the responsibility of watching our daughter alone. But as soon as he came to the door, i could tell he was totally loaded. I should have just told him that he had to leave, but i let him in. I think needed a second opinion on his state of mind.
Anyway, he was high as **** and even though I told myself that I was going to keep a safe distance, I am so so disappointed. And out of my mind angry at him for thinking he was going to pick up our daughter, she is less than a year old, and care for her.
I texted him yesterday morning that I didn't want to talk to or hear from him and I was hurt because he used drugs. That was all I said yesterday. I got incessant calls and texts and emails, pulling out all the stops on me, trying to engage. But I dropped the rope. It feels Ok, even though what he is saying is so hurtful, and insane.
I am hoping to draw strength from this group today. Thank you for listening.
And also admittedly I want a partner and coparent, a perfect picturesque family, so that's why we spent every weekend together.
Anyway i had a friend visit me this weekend and felt like my fiance earned the responsibility of watching our daughter alone. But as soon as he came to the door, i could tell he was totally loaded. I should have just told him that he had to leave, but i let him in. I think needed a second opinion on his state of mind.
Anyway, he was high as **** and even though I told myself that I was going to keep a safe distance, I am so so disappointed. And out of my mind angry at him for thinking he was going to pick up our daughter, she is less than a year old, and care for her.
I texted him yesterday morning that I didn't want to talk to or hear from him and I was hurt because he used drugs. That was all I said yesterday. I got incessant calls and texts and emails, pulling out all the stops on me, trying to engage. But I dropped the rope. It feels Ok, even though what he is saying is so hurtful, and insane.
I am hoping to draw strength from this group today. Thank you for listening.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: East Coast
Posts: 427
I'm so sorry. This disappointment is like a punch to the gut - we are always hopeful that there will be change and that we can have them back sober. I've been divorced from my AXH for a little over a year and found that I still had some hope left that he would get sober and not act like a jerk anymore, not lie etc. Let me tell you, divorcing an addict is no fun either, so definitely think about what you want out of life for you and your child. In my marriage I gave it two strikes, after the first relapse I told him the second time would mean divorce. Mine stole everything from myself and my family and I could not live with constantly being stressed about my things being gone, but more importantly I did not want to come home to find my husband dead from an overdose. I'm glad I stuck with my boundaries, but it's still hard. They can really surprise you with home mean and cold they can be, and you just can't reason with someone that uses. Be strong, you're a mom so you already are, and it sounds like you already started with your boundaries, just think about: how many times is too many times to handle the disappointment of him walking in the door loaded? Actions absolutely speak louder than words and I know how you feel, it's easy to be hurt by what they do and say.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Falseclaimsact 
I texted him yesterday morning that I didn't want to talk to or hear from him and I was hurt because he used drugs.
I am hoping to draw strength from this group today. Thank you for listening.
He did the wrong thing -- there must always be consequences.
MM
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Birmingham AL
Posts: 187
good morning...
1st thing that occurs to me is how my girlfriend has taught me that tho relapses hurt, the lies, avoidance and etc to cover my actions hurt even more
hostility isn't one of my responses when 'busted' but rather 'calling the relationship over' to which she usually responds with 'take responsibility rather than run' and i love her for keeping me real...
i hope things cool down in at least the hostility and hatefullness
it was him that chose to use and then hide it
peace =^.^=
1st thing that occurs to me is how my girlfriend has taught me that tho relapses hurt, the lies, avoidance and etc to cover my actions hurt even more
hostility isn't one of my responses when 'busted' but rather 'calling the relationship over' to which she usually responds with 'take responsibility rather than run' and i love her for keeping me real...
i hope things cool down in at least the hostility and hatefullness
it was him that chose to use and then hide it
peace =^.^=
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Anyway, he was high as **** and even though I told myself that I was going to keep a safe distance, I am so so disappointed. And out of my mind angry at him for thinking he was going to pick up our daughter, she is less than a year old, and care for her.
Keep us posted.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 67
Staying disengaged...........
He says of course that he respects my decision not to speak with him, but still requests meetings/therapy/let's talk/I won't contact you but here are six emails and ten texts.
GIVE ME A BREAK
HP, HERE YOU GO
He says of course that he respects my decision not to speak with him, but still requests meetings/therapy/let's talk/I won't contact you but here are six emails and ten texts.
GIVE ME A BREAK
HP, HERE YOU GO
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