charlieinthebox

Throwing birthday party for my little one at my home tomorrow (today). Problem is that all of the guys, my close friends and inlaws drink. It'll be awkward for them if they are drinking while I as the host am not having cocktails with them. I'm feeling like I'm letting them down if I don't drink with them.

Any input or thoughts on this. I'm really struggling with it. I DONT want to drink but feel obligated to drink with them as not to let them down. I am the common denominator amongst them. Separately they wouldn't get together amongst themselves without me.

Does this make sense to any of you guys? Any ideas or thoughts are welcomed. I really feel stuck right now. The party is about 16 hours from now. (I'm going to bed). I'm considering buying beer for myself but not drinking it until it becomes that obvious that they feel uncomfortable about me not drinking with them.

Coldfusion

I would be sure to have a non-alcoholic beverage in hand at all times during such a party.

DaisyBee

My home is an alcohol free zone and that's non negotiable. While that may or may not work for you it is the only way I can protect my sobriety.

If that's not an option, if I were you I would may a non alcoholic drink before guests arrive and sip it throughout the party.

You don't have to be stuck. No one can make us drink. Good luck.

Dee74

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yeah, I spent many years putting other peoples needs before my own.

I call it the AV shuffle - our addictive thinking uses the fact you're a great guy, and plants the seed that your guests might feel awkward, to get you to buy beer and then drink it.

Often times I drank because I assumed others would feel awkward - the reality was, especially after a few drinks noone gave a damn what I was or wasn't drinking.

In fact, to be honest, sometimes I just told myself people would feel awkward just to give myself permission to drink....

will it really tho?
Maybe its you feeling awkward because you feel you'll need to explain things?

Bottom line is even if it is awkward for them - tough.

Put yourself and your recovery first - if you don't, you'll never get any real change happening.

Have you thought about how you might deal with any questions charlieinabox?

D

Berrybean

It's a childrens party!!

Chances are they will all be perfectly happy to have non-alcoholic drinks. If not, well tough. They can have a drink when they get home.
If they need alcohol to get through a childrens party you could always direct them here.

Fluffer

My sentiments exactly. In my community, a majority of children's birthday parties don't involve alcohol, and a guest would never feel slighted if it wasn't offered. In fact, if alcohol is served as such parties and people are having more than one, it's a pretty sure sign you're dealing with heavy hitters.

tabasco

Yeh, it's a children's party not a rave. Have an amazing time! Those that feel the need to drink can leave early or sneak their little stash in. Learn to to stand tall and not be pressured by anyone!

Trees39

For me when any situation gets me into a debate whether or not I should drink or not, I immediately see it as the AV and I park the whole debate.

Don't drink. Simple. No debate.

Berrybean

Good way of looking at it.
It's only my AV that comes out with such stupid ideas in my head anyway. ("Ohhh. AV, you're such a silly-sausage. Now shush." Lol.)

Deleteda

Can you explain that as its a minors party that you've decided to make it an alcohol free zone so that the children remain the priority? It's not common to have alcohol at a children's party here in Scotland and a lot of people would be appalled that booze was getting served at one whether they ever drank alcohol or not. Just concentrate on your little one that day and not the adults

Berrybean

The internet is full of Halloween ideas at the moment - you could have a fun theme of Halloween Mocktails or similar if you're worried that people will think you haven't made an effort for them as host.

I'm presuming that these are close friends & family. Do they know that you are on the wagon / have a problem with alcohol? If they care enough about your kid to show up to their party, then you'd think they'll be happy for your kid to be getting a sober dad who will be emotionally available and reliable, and who will make them (not alcohol) top priority. If they think that having a drink themselves is more important than that, perhaps you're inviting the wrong people to the wrong party.

FeelingGreat

I've hosted many events where others drank and I didn't. You can make a thing of it or just not tell them. If you're serving cocktails have your own virgin cocktail mix on hand and no-one needs to know the difference.

When I have people around I always make up some non-alcoholic punch for those who don't drink, or who want to progress on to a non-alcoholic drink later in the day.

Set this precedent and soon it will become completely normal. But PLEASE don't give in and drink because you'll hate yourself afterwards.

blueberry2015

"It will be uncomfortable for them" Will it not be more uncomfortable for you having them drinking? Your the one in recovery here hun, have an alcohol free zone. If people dont like that idea.... tough!!! This isnt about them, its about you and your child having a fantastic day!!!

PurpleKnight

Can't the children's party be alcohol free, if the adults don't like then tough, they're there to celebrate a child's birthday not drink!!

Jsbodhi

Tell them you're on antibiotics and can't drink
Good luck, it'll be ok xo

Soberwolf

Any children's party should be alcohol free who's driving these kids home if everyone is drinking ?

I have no alcohol in my home the ppl that matter agree with this Mrs sw more than anyone