searching for support
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: baltimore, MD
Posts: 1
searching for support
This is my first post. My husband is an alcoholic and is not doing well. He is slowing getting worse. I feel very alone and do not know what my role is. He refuses to go to a 30 day rehab. I have been in counseling with him for 3 years with a social worker. I have also been his support in out patient programs. I feel I need to get on with my own recovery, because this is making me sick. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Welcome to SR, Hippiechild. There is a lot of support here -- and hope.
It sounds like you're hurting and frustrated, and justifiably so. There is a whole section called Family and Friends, where others dealing with similar quandaries and sorrows can share. Perhaps it would be helpful for you, too:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I'm glad you found us.
It sounds like you're hurting and frustrated, and justifiably so. There is a whole section called Family and Friends, where others dealing with similar quandaries and sorrows can share. Perhaps it would be helpful for you, too:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I'm glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Hi hippiechild,
Welcome to SR.
You're not alone there's a lot of folks here that have been effected by alcohol and drugs. I'm glad you found your way here. Hope you'll stick around and gather strength, support and information.
Welcome to SR.
You're not alone there's a lot of folks here that have been effected by alcohol and drugs. I'm glad you found your way here. Hope you'll stick around and gather strength, support and information.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Hippiechild,
Welcome, I am from the friends & family side. There is a ton of support for spouses of addicts. I am sorry that you have spent 3 years in marriage counseling with a social worker. Does the social worker know he is an addict??? I know a lot of therapist that won't treat a couple if one spouse is an addict unless the therapist is trained in addiciton.
Try posting on Friends & family. They can make recommendations on how to set up boundaries, how to detach from the craziness, how to focus on you and give him to his higher power. The hardest thing for a spouse is realizing there is nothing you can say or do to get them "sober". But, there is hope for us "enablers". Keep posting, asking questions as we are here for you!!! Hugs my friend!!!
Welcome, I am from the friends & family side. There is a ton of support for spouses of addicts. I am sorry that you have spent 3 years in marriage counseling with a social worker. Does the social worker know he is an addict??? I know a lot of therapist that won't treat a couple if one spouse is an addict unless the therapist is trained in addiciton.
Try posting on Friends & family. They can make recommendations on how to set up boundaries, how to detach from the craziness, how to focus on you and give him to his higher power. The hardest thing for a spouse is realizing there is nothing you can say or do to get them "sober". But, there is hope for us "enablers". Keep posting, asking questions as we are here for you!!! Hugs my friend!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
hi and welcome.
Along with “Friends and Family” forum in your area are many Al Anon meetings for support for YOU.
You may disagree in the beginning with certain suggestions but they are pros and if followed you are usually well rewarded with the results but it takes time.
BE WELL
Along with “Friends and Family” forum in your area are many Al Anon meetings for support for YOU.
You may disagree in the beginning with certain suggestions but they are pros and if followed you are usually well rewarded with the results but it takes time.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 1
Dear hippiechild,
thanks for reaching out on this forum. From your making the effort to comment here, it shows you have concern for your husband’s recovery. It must be hard to have persisted with being a support without having a definite progress regarding his addiction. You have done so well being supportive and taking part in the rehab process for him! Don’t give up hope now though it might be a trying time! It’s sensible of you to think about your own recovery and well-being. Are you in another program like Al-Anon or such? Have prayed for your situation, please keep us updated on how you’re going.
thanks for reaching out on this forum. From your making the effort to comment here, it shows you have concern for your husband’s recovery. It must be hard to have persisted with being a support without having a definite progress regarding his addiction. You have done so well being supportive and taking part in the rehab process for him! Don’t give up hope now though it might be a trying time! It’s sensible of you to think about your own recovery and well-being. Are you in another program like Al-Anon or such? Have prayed for your situation, please keep us updated on how you’re going.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Hi hippiechild,
I am/was your husband. Refusing to go to inpatient rehab. Refusing to get real help. Meanwhile, I was dying inside fully KNOWING that I had to stop but was afraid to. The thought of never being able to enjoy a glass of wine ever again freaked me out. But you know what freaked me out more? When my husband filed for divorce three weeks ago and was awarded temporary sole custody of our son. I realized a glass of chardonnay (or 5) is not worth losing my family. I'm on the way to an inpatient, 6-8 week non-12-step recovery center this Sunday. I'm scared to death. I have 4 children and the thought of not seeing them for this long is agonizing. The other possibility is worse. I think my husband just didn't know what else to do to get my attention. I'm not saying this extreme step is for everyone, but it sure shook me up. My husband is paying for rehab and staying with my 3 kids (his step kids) during this time, even though he moved out. I wish you peace and luck. Do what you need to do.
I am/was your husband. Refusing to go to inpatient rehab. Refusing to get real help. Meanwhile, I was dying inside fully KNOWING that I had to stop but was afraid to. The thought of never being able to enjoy a glass of wine ever again freaked me out. But you know what freaked me out more? When my husband filed for divorce three weeks ago and was awarded temporary sole custody of our son. I realized a glass of chardonnay (or 5) is not worth losing my family. I'm on the way to an inpatient, 6-8 week non-12-step recovery center this Sunday. I'm scared to death. I have 4 children and the thought of not seeing them for this long is agonizing. The other possibility is worse. I think my husband just didn't know what else to do to get my attention. I'm not saying this extreme step is for everyone, but it sure shook me up. My husband is paying for rehab and staying with my 3 kids (his step kids) during this time, even though he moved out. I wish you peace and luck. Do what you need to do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by hippiechild 
This is my first post. My husband is an alcoholic and is not doing well. He is slowing getting worse. I feel very alone and do not know what my role is. He refuses to go to a 30 day rehab. I have been in counseling with him for 3 years with a social worker. I have also been his support in out patient programs. I feel I need to get on with my own recovery, because this is making me sick. Thanks for listening.
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