He Can't Get Into Rehab
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2
He Can't Get Into Rehab
My boyfriend is an opiate addict, and has been making some genuine attempts to get into rehab. Every single place here in town has turned him down due to issues with his type of insurance.
I myself went to rehab over a year ago to treat my alcoholism. I've been sober for exactly 402 days :-)
Long story short, I found some black tar heroin in the bathroom last night. He's been telling me that he goes to meetings and talks to his sponsor all the time, and I havenīt believed any of this to be true. It's not true. He's still using.
I'm so mad, but I feel guilty for being mad. I would not be where I am today if not for my intensive outpatient program, and he cannot get into any kind of program. AA alone didn't work for me in the beginning, and I keep telling myself that I have no right being so mad at him since he can't get into rehab at all.
Deep down I know I'm making excuses for him, and that I should not be comparing his situation to mine. I just don't really know how to feel right now. I want to tell him that if he doesn't stop using that I'm kicking him out and were ending the relationship, but how can I expect him to stop using?
I myself went to rehab over a year ago to treat my alcoholism. I've been sober for exactly 402 days :-)
Long story short, I found some black tar heroin in the bathroom last night. He's been telling me that he goes to meetings and talks to his sponsor all the time, and I havenīt believed any of this to be true. It's not true. He's still using.
I'm so mad, but I feel guilty for being mad. I would not be where I am today if not for my intensive outpatient program, and he cannot get into any kind of program. AA alone didn't work for me in the beginning, and I keep telling myself that I have no right being so mad at him since he can't get into rehab at all.
Deep down I know I'm making excuses for him, and that I should not be comparing his situation to mine. I just don't really know how to feel right now. I want to tell him that if he doesn't stop using that I'm kicking him out and were ending the relationship, but how can I expect him to stop using?
Hello & Welcome to SR!
Congrats on your year+ sober!
you need to act on your on best interests. His using and not figuring out a path to recovery is not on you. It's on him. If you need him gone, then tell him so.
Congrats on your year+ sober!
you need to act on your on best interests. His using and not figuring out a path to recovery is not on you. It's on him. If you need him gone, then tell him so.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2
Thank you for your reply :-)
I guess my problem lies in my codependency and ability to be manipulated so easily by him. He's pointed out to me before that I was "lucky" to get into rehab, and isn't shy about pointing out the fact that he stayed with me while I was active in my addiction. I have this overwhelming sense of obligation to help him... I've gone to meetings with him and introduced him to people, and left him on his own afterwards so he can mingle and hopefully find a sponsor.
Can a drug addict truly get and stay sober without rehab?
I guess my problem lies in my codependency and ability to be manipulated so easily by him. He's pointed out to me before that I was "lucky" to get into rehab, and isn't shy about pointing out the fact that he stayed with me while I was active in my addiction. I have this overwhelming sense of obligation to help him... I've gone to meetings with him and introduced him to people, and left him on his own afterwards so he can mingle and hopefully find a sponsor.
Can a drug addict truly get and stay sober without rehab?
any addict who WANTS to quit and stay quit CAN do so.....with or without rehab. for YOU, you had the desire and commitment and treatment gave you the start on your sober path.
but each addict is different.....and what works for one might not work for another. there are addicts who have been to treatment 4, 5, 10 times and still use. there are those who got it right the first time.
i am really sorry that the centers he has contacted are not being cooperative. that doesn't "help" the situation. perhaps he should contact his INSURANCE and get a list of available options from them.
i understand that sense of obligation......but you might not be able to HELP him with this. your sobriety is very precious....and someone using black tar heroin IN your home is a threat to that.
but each addict is different.....and what works for one might not work for another. there are addicts who have been to treatment 4, 5, 10 times and still use. there are those who got it right the first time.
i am really sorry that the centers he has contacted are not being cooperative. that doesn't "help" the situation. perhaps he should contact his INSURANCE and get a list of available options from them.
i understand that sense of obligation......but you might not be able to HELP him with this. your sobriety is very precious....and someone using black tar heroin IN your home is a threat to that.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 97
Yes MsHeather, but the chances of relapse are much higher without going through rehab. And he is definitely pushing all of your buttons. CodeJob is right. You cannot act as general contractor on this project. You need to protect your sobriety at all costs. Congrats on your 402 days. That is very well done.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
MsHeather,
Welcome and congratulations on your 402 days sober.
"Can a drug addict truly get and stay sober without rehab?"
That is an interesting question which I cannot answer. I would suggest posting your question in the "Substance Abuse" forum - there you will find more people with first hand experience with either trying to or sucessfully getting clean with and without the benefit of a rehab..
The "normal progression" for a heroin addict (my daughter) is detox, either cold turkey or rapid detox (less than a week) with some medication like Suboxone; then rehab, either residential or IOP; then perhaps a sober living house with fairly strict monitoring.
Insurance coverage and situations they will cover varies widely with company. Unfortunately, many insurance companies want you to try various IOP programs first and relapse before they will cover any type of a residential treatment facility.
The fact that, almost without exception, competent addiction counselors will tell you that the best chance for a lasting recovery starts with a residential rehab for at least a month is lost on the insurance companies -- they are basically interested in exhausting the cheaper options first usually at the expense of the patient's general health.
One day at a time,
Jim
Welcome and congratulations on your 402 days sober.
"Can a drug addict truly get and stay sober without rehab?"
That is an interesting question which I cannot answer. I would suggest posting your question in the "Substance Abuse" forum - there you will find more people with first hand experience with either trying to or sucessfully getting clean with and without the benefit of a rehab..
The "normal progression" for a heroin addict (my daughter) is detox, either cold turkey or rapid detox (less than a week) with some medication like Suboxone; then rehab, either residential or IOP; then perhaps a sober living house with fairly strict monitoring.
Insurance coverage and situations they will cover varies widely with company. Unfortunately, many insurance companies want you to try various IOP programs first and relapse before they will cover any type of a residential treatment facility.
The fact that, almost without exception, competent addiction counselors will tell you that the best chance for a lasting recovery starts with a residential rehab for at least a month is lost on the insurance companies -- they are basically interested in exhausting the cheaper options first usually at the expense of the patient's general health.
One day at a time,
Jim
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