Recovery999

What do I do?! I suspect it- I have no proof. Dad is an alcoholic. His latest activities include drugging and forcibly sodomizing his ex girlfriend. Then he beat her severely and fractured her skull, among other injuries. Yet my sister allows this person daily unsupervised contact with my niece.

The little girl's personal areas are always irritated. We thought she just had sensitive skin. Now she might have a yeast infection. When my sister went to examine her, she was screaming, crying and almost hyperventilating. IMO, this is not normal. I did this, and I was sexually abused.

I will be watching her for a week. WHAT DO I DO?

happybeingme

You need to call child protection services. Right now.

redatlanta

I would take this child to her pediatrician (who is a mandated reporter) and have a physical examination TODAY. Or call DFACS either way the child needs medical attention NOW if she is showing physical issues like you describe.

Recovery999

I can't do it today because I'm not with her today.

Tomorrow is Saturday so I doubt there will be a family doctor available. I can take her to one of those Med Express places, not sure how that's going to work out.

I mean, it's not necessarily symptomatic of abuse? I know I cried and screamed and became physically assaulting to the doctor who tried to do my first OBGYN checkup, and I was abused. I just don't have any frame of reference for what's normal with kids, because I don't have any.

Everyone is going to despise me if I call family services but I will despise myself if I don't. Then you hear these stories about people calling and then the opposite happens, like the kid gets more visitation with the offending parent, or gets placed into foster care altogether.

Plus, this person is very violent with guns, so there's that aspect, if the cops come looking for him, is he going to come after me? I mean, he put someone in the hospital and is now facing aggravated assault charges. This was less than two weeks ago.

All of this is very triggering to me, because I went through it as a kid and people knew some of the details but no one intervened. I think my life would have turned out a lot differently if someone had just said, hey this is not okay. to this day my mother denies anything happened.

honeypig

I believe your answer as to whether you should take action is right here. ^^

I am also a survivor, and I cannot urge you strongly enough to get the child examined and the abuse reported. As another poster said, medical personnel are mandated reporters--it doesn't matter what kind of setting they work in.

For the sake of this child, be the one who says "hey, this is not okay."

Recovery999

I think I'm just going to take her to the ER and ask if anyone on site could question her about it. I'm just afraid it will be written off at another place. I don't feel comfortable questioning her, because she's probably not going to tell me anything, because she's probably been threatened. It needs to come from someone who has experience doing this.

ShootingStar1

It would have made a huge difference in my life, too, if someone had intervened.

From my point of view, you are doing the right thing. The ER will take this seriously and that is important.

ShootingStar1

Katchie

The ER is a great idea. I am so sorry this could even be a possibility, but you are doing the right thing. I'm praying for you and the little one.

dandylion

Recovery.....medical personnel are very much aware of mandated reporting, these days. They will also have a protocol in the ER for exactly how to handle these cases.
I believe you are smart to not converse with her about it. You can request to speak privately with the ER staff and they will appreciate the information that you can provide.
I know that you are nervous about this....and, I also know that you know...someone has to protect this child.....

You would be doing the right thing for the right reasons....
Good luck...and, let us know how it goes, if you can......

dandylion

FeelingGreat

Recovery you are right to do this, and very brave. As for the father, he's a violent rapist, what's he doing on the streets? And he still has a gun?
Maybe you can approach the police about your fears. What is your sister thinking?

happybeingme

If this child isn't yours you have no right to take her to a doctor unless one of her parents gives written consent. However there is no requirement to give your name when reporting to dyfs. Do it now.

alybally

I respectfully disagree. If you are keeping her for a week and are her caregiver during that time you absolutely can take her to the doctor. Parental consent might be required for any medical procedures beyond any basic examination though. And per HIPAA, you won't be allowed to know about her medical history. HIPAA may even prevent them allowing you to be in the exam room with her and the doctor, so make sure it's a female doctor please.

alybally

I can give you my own experience with this. My daughter is now 10 and has supersensitive skin. To the point where she has to have special creams and facewash from the dermatologist. She gets this from me and her dad. Her dad is a diagnosed narcissist but thankfully isn't a pedophile. However, with his control issues he used to not allow her to bathe for days at a time during visitation. He and his sick mother think bathing more than once a day or every other day is bad for your skin. Maybe if you're 80 in and in a nursing home! However, this lack of cleanliness resulted in the skin between her cheeks and her private areas to become inflamed. All over inflamed. And once she developed a severe UTI which almost turned into a kidney infection. Needless to say I wish her dad would die, but that is beside the point. There was no funny business although I panicked at first. I'm not saying nothing is going on here though. Maybe or maybe not. Just trying to provide an alternative scenario. How old is your niece? My daughter would cry and squirm from the inflammation and discomfort too but didn't react as strongly as you are mentioning.

You are a blood relative, her aunt, and you have a right to be concerned and intervene, especially if you think no one else is stepping up to the plate.

Recovery999

Seriously?

Yeah, if I don't give my name they'll never know it was me. Sure.

JK130

Hey Recovery, just checking in on you. How is your niece doing?

theuncertainty

Recovery, in our state there's a rape crisis center that provides crisis intervention and support, information about medical issues, explanations of what to expect if a sexual assault or abuse is reported. They work with another local agency that's a child advocacy center, which uses a child-centered approach that allows multiple agencies to work together to lessen the impact on the child and family members.

I contacted the rape crisis line after a number of changes in DS's behavior and a few red flags that pointed to possible sexual abuse. The crisis line is anonymous. They walked me through what would happen, what possible outcomes might be. They explained that DS's father would be notified if I proceeded and that the notice would include information that the abuse was suspected to have occurred while DS was in his care, but not who contacted their agency. They asked for information about why I was concerned, what had I observed, etc., and put me in touch with the child advocacy center. With the child advocate center, a doctor's visit was scheduled for a medical exam and for a counselor/advocate to meet with DS. In DS's case, there wasn't enough evidence to bring criminal charges, but enough for concern/caution and a file with child services was opened in case further information was found. They offered referrals to psychologists/therapists that could help DS. Which we took.

If you need it, RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) would be able to help you find local centers that provide information and services. RAINN.org or 1800-656.HOPE (4673)

Gentle hugs. It's completely overwhelming to be in this position, but the advocates can help you decide what steps to take.

Thomas45

This is a thread from October, theuncertainty. JK130 was just asking for an update, that's why it got bumped back up again.

jjj111

Recovery, there is NO obligation to give your name when you make a report. You can make an anonymous call, and they will follow up. I had to do this for my niece, and ended up telling her parents I was the one who called--kind of wish I'd just done it anonymously. I'm not an expert, but it seems to me that if the child is already traumatized, taking her to an emergency room might just traumatize her further. CPS will definitely investigate if you file a report.

theuncertainty

Thanks, Thomas. I saw the dates after I posted. I hope Recovery and her niece.... and sister are OK.

teatreeoil007

This brings up a good point. Many rape and sexual abuse victims do not report it. One reason being they are already traumatized and going through the reporting process and examination adds further trauma, almost as if they are reliving it. Also, reporting it to the police is hard for many people. It just sets my teeth on edge when someone blurts out, "But she never reported it!", as if because she never reported it, it is not as big of a deal. But, it's true that if it does get reported to a mandated reporter, they MUST do something about it because their job or their license is on the line,

On the other hand, reporting it can sometimes bring closure and healing. It just depends.