myles1

Hi Everyone,

I'm having a bit of a problem with my S.O.

We're both in recovery, A.A and do meetings together.

Lately he hasn't wanted to go (principles before personality problem) but I still need to go and I intend to.

He's having this wierd reaction saying that he feels he has to go with me to support me and that if he doesn't go he feels guilty and that I'll be mad at him if he doesn't go.

DUH!!!!!!!

It's all ridiculous considering I was going to meetings for many years before I met him, alone. I certainly don't need him to go to "support" me all my friends are there for "support".

And I'm not going to be mad if he doesn't want to go, in fact if he doesn't want to go I prefer if he doesn't go. It doesn't make it productive if he's with me and doesn't want to be there.

I get met with defensive reaction, this morning I said I'd be going to the Monday Night meeting and the response was "You'll be going alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

and I hear how "You make me feel guilty for not going".

I've been checking it over today and I don't think I'm doing those things I'm just going to a meeting but I'm finding all of this extremely annoying to say the least.

Thanks,

Ngaire

Gabe

Ngaire,
Who owns this problem? Not you.
His guilt, his problem.
I can see why it's annoying you though.

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Ngaire.

I'm an echo here. He feels guilty and he wants to blame something and you're handy. I am evil so if it was me I'd come home from the meeting and call someone afterwards and talk really LOUD about what a great meeting it was.

Hugs!
Smoke

Live

Smoke, you are the greatest. I would second guess myself, am I being manipulative? But I am evil too....so that's why I have to ponder things, lest I cause unforeseen consequences.

Myles, Is there a dependency issue here. Strong couples maintain a certain independence.

I am no good at tact, I would say knock it off. I want to go, you don't SO WHAT?!?!!!
and if he acts weird about that...I would say "I don't need a daddy" and be out the door.

Maybe there is a reason I am solo!!! hahahahahaha

journeygal

Hi Ngaire,

I agree with the others. He's definitely taking out his personal struggles on you. Try to ignore him - it's not your problem.

Hugs,
JG

myles1

Hi Everyone,

I told him last night I was going to the meeting and if he didn't want to go not to go but I was.

He ended up going, I felt great after the meeting and he said he felt lousy.

Well not my problem up to him to work it out.

I suggested he talk to his sponsor and maybe even take in a few meetings with his sponsor. Then I dropped it. I don't want to get into his recovery and I shouldn't anyway.

You are right it's his struggle and he'll have to work it out.

Thanks

Ngaire