Scram

Hi All -

Long term veteran of the site. I'm a 35 year old male alcoholic who has made countless attempts at sobriety, including in-patient programs, AA, medications and counseling.

I do "better", then a little worse, then much worse, then sorta better... then... the same.

I have been doing this long enough to know that alcoholism is why I'm an alcoholic. This can't be blamed on a job or my location or my status as a single man or whatever else. I know that.

My question is this - Despite being an obvious alcoholic, I have maintained a successful financial career. It's also one that I am not happy in, is extensively time consuming and offers almost no sense of purpose. I am starting to realize this job my reinforce my alcoholism for two reasons:

1) I'm burned out and unhappy, and I feel as though I have no time to pursue any personal or spiritual growth which I find key to recovery. Rather, with little to no free time, I am drawn to the artificial relief of alcohol.

2) It provides a sort of cover for my alcoholism. By this I mean not only my AV but most people around me say, "Well, you make X-amount a year... you can't possibly be doing that bad."

Can anybody relate to this? And has anybody here left a position to get better and honestly focus on themselves? Can a person do the honest, necessary work of recovery while simultaneously consumed by an unhappy career?

Thank you.

Soberwolf

I would say recovery is possible for anyone have you got a plan

FreeOwl

I totally relate.

I have a going-on-twenty-year career in the IT industry and have been in management / executive positions for the past 10 years.

Everything you've said and more applies.... coupled with the fact that there is rampant binge-drinking / alcoholism in this line of work that makes it seem 'normal'... even almost expected.

I'm almost two years sober and I can tell you that sobriety has made my career a LOT easier to tolerate. Even sometimes to enjoy. It still isn't my dream job, but I no longer view it as a daily soul-crushing waste of my life.

ClearLight

Yes.

I know people that quit the restaurant business to get sober. I know a guy that quit the music business to get sober.

jryan19982

I used to think that my job made me drink. But it didnt. I made myself drink, no one else, or nothing else. Then I realized that drinking made me even UNHAPPIER at my job. Go figure.

But now that I am sober, and when i got sober before, I found a new sense of accomplishment in my job even though I do have some dissatisfaction with my job. I am more productive, things that would normally upset me I let roll off my shoulder, I am happier to co workers and in turn they are happier to me. Alcohol made my mood so sh&tty all the time that I thought I was unhappy and therefore drinking. But drinking made me unhappy.

matilda123

I can relate so much to your post! I have a demanding career and have had some success; it has allowed me for many years to believe I'm a "high functioning" alcoholic. Problem is, as someone on this site once said, HF isn't a type, it is a stage. There will be a time when we don't function so well. Indeed, these last 30 days I have been more productive at work than I have been in years. And I notice that a lot of the stress around me (most of which is outside my control) isn't bothering me in the same way because I'm more even-keeled.

I do think that one can do the work of recovery while maintaining a stressful job. As SW noted, a plan is key. It may also be true that as we move forward in our journeys, certain things will become clear--that this job (or relationship, or life) isn't, perhaps, the one that lifts our souls. Indeed, sometimes I wonder if one reason we drink is to avoid grappling with that.

Take care. I'm sending you good thoughts.

PurpleKnight

I've worked in a few different jobs and I've drank through them all, which has lead me to the conclusion that the constant through it all was not the boredom or stress or unfulfilling aspects of a job that made me drink, it was my alcoholism, I would have drank no matter what job I was coming home from, because the liquor store was on the drive home and I wanted to drink my evenings away.

The reality is I had to address my alcoholism, and then the door finally opened, and what I discovered was my job was more manageable as I wasn't hungover in the mornings, I was more upbeat and excited to go into work each morning, I had more energy, could give more time and commitment to my work, and after I got Sober I worked towards a promotion, applied for it and got it, I could live up to my potential and be happy about it.

The question is are you "burned out" and "unhappy" due to your job, or really is it the fact that you are going to work after consuming alcohol most days of the week? alcohol is a depressant by nature, and you'll not truly know the answer unless you give Sobriety a real chance to see what your job is really like without the haze of alcohol.

That would be the first step, some long term Sobriety and then make a decision on what you find, away from the lens of alcohol.

JD

I can definitely relate. It's still not an excuse to not remain sober. I work with and for some hard drinking people. I haven't been with them since I stopped drinking but it's one of the things I'm planning for now. One of these days I'm going to have to tell them I stopped drinking and it'll come as a surprise as I've been right with them in the past.

Hang in there. Don't let your mind talk you out of this.

BixBees505

Wow, I just read the original post, and relate so strongly. I took today off, away from my job, to think and consider this very conundrum for myself. I haven't read any of the answers yet, even...I just couldn't wait to say...ME, TOO!! My job could consume 100% of my time. All I did was work and drink until I went to work again. Now, around a week sober... all I do is work. Despite the thousands of wonderful examples here on SR of people doing so much more in their lives besides work... I am struggling with this. Ok, I'm going to go back and read the rest of the conversation you started.

teatreeoil007

I get this...and can relate..

Something very important to consider: You have an unfulfilling., time consuming career that leaves you burned out with no lasting satisfaction. That's a recipe to have a face plant on rock bottom.

Are you absolutely sure this career isn't something you enjoy? Because it sounds like to me you are just not happy and I don't think anyone should live out the rest of their days being so unhappy! It would be such a tragedy. It's just not right! Our jobs are such a big part of our lives.

Part of the step work in recovery is to understand that you can truly love life, live life well so that it brings you joy, figure out how you are going to do that. And not survive and get by, but to THRIVE! If you know what brings you true joy you should go for it, because it would be a terrible thing to lose.

Another aspect of recovery work is (if you can) to take some time off to be alone, take care of yourself, replenish yourself, learn to love yourself to your fullest. enter into BLISS and not having people nagging at you all the time for this and that; putting a constant strain on you...that's just not healthy. If you know what holds the key to happiness and it's in your reach, you should go for it.

For your own health and happiness you really need to focus on your sobriety. and you really can't do that while you are doing all those other things that you don't even enjoy! Sobrietyt has a greater chance of being successful that way.

Sounds like you are very capable and even good at juggling, that's totally understandable...but I have found that the older I get the harder it is to juggle. How much more of that can you seriously take and still be healthy and whole...?

If you are 'set up' well financially that is a true blessing and must be somewhat of a reassurance for you so that you have good options.

I get what kind of a bind you find yourself in...And as far as needing a cover for your alcoholism...I get that too....*sigh*. Totally get it and you come to SR for support, to vent, or just to get more advice on what you decide on what you can live with...So, what you can live with should be something that truly makes you feel ALIVE rather than half dead!!

Good luck my friend, sending you a big long hug....sounds like you are in a tricky situation with several things to consider...

You will find understanding souls here...there is no condemnation here just lots of help!

BixBees505

Hmm. These comments speak to me:
"...things will become clear--that this job (or relationship, or life) isn't, perhaps, the one that lifts our souls. Indeed, sometimes I wonder if one reason we drink is to avoid grappling with that."

First, I know that stable sobriety will be the only way I will EVER be able to navigate out of this high-pressure, burned-out foxhole of a job. So, for myself, sobriety is absolutely "job #1".

But for years now, this career has taken all my time and energy, cancelled or completely hijacked countless opportunities from birthday celebrations to European vacations, cost me a marriage--all this BEFORE I started drinking.

Now, I won't pretend that during the last 10 years alcohol has not done the very same kinds of damage. But really. What is up with this? I have no right to self pity here...I am educated, have made good money all this time...why did I ever, and why have I continued to, tolerate such poverty of purpose, meaning, personal growth and satisfaction?

PurpleDan

Lots of functioning alcoholics out there with high-flying jobs.

Do you think you're using your job and the stresses as an excuse? My experience was that when I truly wanted recovery, I went to any lengths to get it.

You say with little to no free time. Are you drinking at work, or do you go home and then drink? If the former, then maybe changing jobs or finding a way to work less hours is the answer. If the latter, then you do have free time...you're just choosing to spend that time drinking.

So stay or don't stay. But there is no change without change.

Soberpotamus

I left a stressful job three years before I finally got sober (not that I wasn't "trying" before, I was), and looking back, I can see how much it helped me to get myself out of that situation. It did create a lot of new stress though, as I had to carve out a place for myself as a freelancer. It's been an ongoing struggle really. I wouldn't have been able to sustain this kind of change had it not been for the support of my husband. At this point, I combine freelance copywriting (stressful at times) with a part-time job that is virtually stress-free. It works for me. I do this because I am a writer, and I have chosen to put my writing first, above everything else. A lot of my drinking was due to dissatisfaction and angst over "not being able to write" while making a living. So, I had to change things in order to give myself a chance. Writers who don't write suffer tremendously. I was a miserable human being for a stretch of about ten years.

That said, we are all different. Some people seem to be able to manage a high profile, high power career while they get and stay sober. I am certainly not a person of that ilk Some of us are just more fragile.

But I do know this - getting sober must be your #1 priority if you intend to make it sustainable. And the commitment to stay sober is sometimes made multiple times a day, for myself, even now. I have had to accept that if I pick up that drink, I can kiss goodbye what I've managed to create these past couple of years.

teatreeoil007

It sounds like you bought the field, my friend! There is treasure in that field but in order to get to the treasure you had to navigate other aspects of the field. That can wear you down after awhile. You've GOT to take care of yourself, simply got to.

teatreeoil007

That's a good way to look at it and sounds very doable! A good balance...

I agree that if you are a writer and you feel the urge to write you need to have some time carved out for yourself so things don't keep interfering with your writing. Writers are a special breed and they need to be able to write when they are inspired to or they might lose their train of thought and never get what beautiful inspiration came to them. People who don't write really don't get it. You'll figure this out...you come across as being smart and in tune...thx

SoberInCLE

Quit drinking for a while and see how you feel. You ALWAYS retain the option to quit your job.

Fyi, I only stopped drinking recently. I hate my job. But, I am less stressed out by my job since I quit drinking.

Also - I don't know what else I would do.

teatreeoil007

Scram-

Come back and let us know how it's going for you. Many of us are recovering alcoholics and understand how important sobriety really is. It will change your life for the better, it sure has mine. I just feel so much healthier and fulfilled and not having to navigate all that other stuff (not that it's bad stuff) but it's stuff; just really weights you down. Most of us have been navigating all that stuff for YEARS...before we finally made the choice to get sober. It always a decision that must come from within the person in order for it to stick. You'll get this figured out, no doubt.

Roxyblues

Yes. I can relate. 20 year lawyer working in a 40 lawyer firm handling complex commercial and defending large nationwide class actions all over the country with millions in the line. I also have a Series 7 and 66 and handle securities cases for large financial institutions.

I get the stress factor.

The alcoholic mind likes to create crisis, worry, drama and plays this constant negative feedback loop about everything that can go wrong.

When I am centered spiritually and just have faith that everything will be fine and God will take care of me no matter what m happens, my attitude changes. I don't react out of fear, I don't burn up energy foolishly over things I cannot control, I don't stress, I am more efficient and I treat those around me better.

Trust me, I can be a raving maniac of a lawyer. My mind working over time has figured out a lot issues that mere mortal lawyers cannot . . ., I just have to learn how to channel it, keep positive and just f'in relax and enjoy life in occasion.

PennyLane76

Hi Scram. I believe I remember you from not too long ago. You went to IOP and were doing really well! . Sorry you are back to drinking. I also have a high stress well paying job , not fulfilling to me, that I blamed for my drinking. After just a short time sober, I realised it was me, not my job that was the problem.

On the other hand, I have a friend in my industry who had a huge drinking problem , heart palpitations she was medicated for, and the day she was laid off both stopped. She is happier than ever, completely sober, even through the uncertainty of her Future. Myself I have made it to about 32 days sober and back in very early sobriety as well So, it's hard to answer if the job contributes to drinking, or if that is the excuse to drink for you?

Hope you get back to working your program, drinking makes everything worse as you know, including our jobs.

Take care!

FreeOwl

on a related note; does anyone work a job that isn't consuming and stressful?