3 weeks sober
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 19
3 weeks sober
So he made it 3 weeks sober and slipped last night. I am so upset and pissed off. Kicked him out and said some not so nice things. Not sure I can be supportive the way I'm supposed too. I got a small glimpse of what I thought our life could be, he was charming, sweet, loving & really really convincing 😕. How do I put my emotions aside and be supportive if this was a slip? Or do I cut my losses and just realize it's a lost cause. I'm so confused.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I'm sorry, Arininateo, this is very disappointing. You don't know yet whether this is a slip or a relapse. HE may not know that yet. For right now, focus on you, taking care of yourself, until you have more information. You do not have to decide the entire future of your relationship right this second.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
It is understandable you are confused. Getting sober and staying that way is hard work in the beginning. It isn't impossible though. How do you think you are supposed to be supportive? What does it look like to you? What about him? What is he doing for his sobriety aside from just not drinking?
Unfortunately alcoholism can always become active. A person needs to dedicate themself to a lifetime of self care to not go back. Is he willing to do that? Do you want to be there knowing a relapse is possible?
Unfortunately alcoholism can always become active. A person needs to dedicate themself to a lifetime of self care to not go back. Is he willing to do that? Do you want to be there knowing a relapse is possible?
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by Arininateo 
How do I put my emotions aside and be supportive if this was a slip?
I know you've read that here on SR a million times, but that's only because it's the Truth.
When you focus on your recovery, your needs & your boundaries then this:
Or do I cut my losses and just realize it's a lost cause.
3 weeks is a short time in recovery. No telling what, if anything, a slip at this point means. You'll tell more from his actions - does he recommit to recovery or blame shift? Was it just a momentary lapse of control or just the gunshot announcing the start of the race back to active addiction? Not even he can tell you that at this point, but his actions will speak louder than his words regardless.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 19
Thank you everyone this is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, I love him so much, we have 3 kids who have suffered so much also and live together. I wish this was an easy road but it's so hard. I was finally starting to let my guard down a little and all the anxiety just came flooding back. So I guess I watch and see what he does. I know I can't force him to do this. If this is what he wants he has to fight for it. I just hate thinking of my life without him but I know if the drinking is full fledged again I am prepared to end it.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Everything FireSprite said.
I know its hard and I'm sorry you and your children are experiencing this.
I wish there was some magic secret I could share with you to make this easier but it just sucks. So with that, I hope you know you're not alone. There are other people (like me, and like FireSprite and many others here) who have been in a very similar situation that you're in right now and we're better for focusing on ourselves and our children. Sending you and your family big hugs!
I know its hard and I'm sorry you and your children are experiencing this.
I wish there was some magic secret I could share with you to make this easier but it just sucks. So with that, I hope you know you're not alone. There are other people (like me, and like FireSprite and many others here) who have been in a very similar situation that you're in right now and we're better for focusing on ourselves and our children. Sending you and your family big hugs!
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 314
Hi there, I've been in your shoes. It's so hard feeling so hopeful and then it all falls apart so quickly. Quite devastating.
My husband was about 3 weeks sober then relapsed. I had already made the decision to ask him to leave if that happened and he knew that too, so when he relapsed he left the next day. I waited on his actions, hopeful he might readmit himself into rehab. Unfortunately, he didn't and things haven't worked out well.
Like others have said, you will see soon what his next steps will be and that will probably help you determine what to do next. Hopefully he will take swift action. However, I don't think it's wise to keep you or your children in an upsetting and difficult environment for the sake of being supportive, particularly if he is not doing anything to address the slip/relapse. Focus on what is going to be the best for you and your children at this present point in time.
My husband was about 3 weeks sober then relapsed. I had already made the decision to ask him to leave if that happened and he knew that too, so when he relapsed he left the next day. I waited on his actions, hopeful he might readmit himself into rehab. Unfortunately, he didn't and things haven't worked out well.
Like others have said, you will see soon what his next steps will be and that will probably help you determine what to do next. Hopefully he will take swift action. However, I don't think it's wise to keep you or your children in an upsetting and difficult environment for the sake of being supportive, particularly if he is not doing anything to address the slip/relapse. Focus on what is going to be the best for you and your children at this present point in time.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
What others said...exactly. Focus on yourself, your recovery, clean up your side if the street and most importantly take care of those kiddos! Be their rock in the craziness-only you can determine how many more times of "it won't happen again" and "I'm done drinking", etc that you can handle. Peace and love to you today!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 19
Thank you all, his slip has turned into relapse he got drunk last night and I had him leave, took his keys and everything. Today I was out running errands and actually caught him leaving the liquor store as I was parked at a store near our house. I confronted him and told him he was not welcome back while he was actively drinking and continued on with my day. Came home not to long ago to him passed out on the front porch. I did the last thing I could think of, I called the police and they brought him to the hospital for I don't know the 10th time this year. I'm so broken and fed up its not even funny. Love and compassion have turned to bitterness and hate. I know I know "disease," he can't help it but God dammit I am human and I need the "why me" moment and "how could this be my life" moment right now 
I don't understand how they can get upset with us for finally saying enough is enough, I'm the week one he says LMFAO really?!
I don't understand how they can get upset with us for finally saying enough is enough, I'm the week one he says LMFAO really?!
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Oh hun-my then husband would get drunk and call me weak as well-actually told me a few years ago I didn't have the balls to divorce him. He was right-at the time I was so messed up in my head and in denial, etc that I did not. Well, I grew some courage and did just that. Please make sure you take some time to get some space from this person-it is not good for YOU to be doing this time and time again. We care about you-please keep venting and reaching out. Peace to you!!
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