How do you know?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
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How do you know?
Forgive me if this is not the right place to post such a question, but how do you know if you're an alcoholic? Maybe just the fact that you have to ask means you are one. But I honestly don't know. Just looking for feedback.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome to the site. 
Keep reading. If you feel you have a drinking problem, it doesn't really matter what label you choose to use, the solution is to stop drinking.
There are lots of self-quizzes you can take on the internet...but it's kind of a self-realization that alcohol is no longer a friend.
Keep reading. If you feel you have a drinking problem, it doesn't really matter what label you choose to use, the solution is to stop drinking.
There are lots of self-quizzes you can take on the internet...but it's kind of a self-realization that alcohol is no longer a friend.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by kmallet 
Forgive me if this is not the right place to post such a question, but how do you know if you're an alcoholic? Maybe just the fact that you have to ask means you are one. But I honestly don't know. Just looking for feedback.
I'm not sure when exactly it happened... or how....
But eventually, somewhere along the way, I KNEW.
Well before I "KNEW", however, I was working on recovery.... I was going to AA, using this forum, trying to stop drinking, going back out and trying to "moderate", getting more and more HONEST about my own history and relationship with alcohol, looking more and more closely at what it had really brought me, how it had impacted my life, why I even drank at all....
I denied it for a long while... I clung to rationale... I made excuses... I looked for the ways I might NOT be.... I looked for differences.... I fought it....
But as I got honest, as I did the work, as I experimented and failed at moderation.....
Bit by bit....
Piece by piece....
I knew.
For a long time I decided though "it really doesn't matter" if I was or wasn't. A friend in the rooms once said to me "I'm still not sure whether I'm an alcoholic, but I am sure that alcohol caused me more pain than good and that I don't want my life to be about the things that alcohol has brought me.... so I choose sobriety".
I used that to keep sobriety as my choice. Rather than fight and rebel over the "alcoholic" label, I could choose sobriety because it was the path to the life that I really wanted.
Anyway... you'll know.
And until you do know - maybe just focus on the question "what do I want my life to be, and how does alcohol impact that?".
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi and welcome Kmallet
I think if you know you should not drink but you can't stop yourself, chances are there's a problem there?.
This is one of the tests Bimini spoke about - it's not conclusive, but it might help you decide?
Michigan Alcohol Screening Test (MAST), Revised
D
I think if you know you should not drink but you can't stop yourself, chances are there's a problem there?.
This is one of the tests Bimini spoke about - it's not conclusive, but it might help you decide?
Michigan Alcohol Screening Test (MAST), Revised
D
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: QLD
Posts: 173
I knew when I tried to stop. It shouldn't be THAT hard to just not drink. For non alcoholics, they simply decide to not drink for a month, and they don't, they don't think about it, they don't touch a drop and it's a none issue. They don't congratulate themselves for going the month without it, they don't count the days, it's simply not important.
For me, I couldn't even go 3 days without it being all I thought about. I KNEW it wasn't having ANY positive impact on my life, and so so many negatives, yet I still continued to drink...and I hated myself for it every single morning.
I didn't admit I was an alcoholic until this year. For the last ten years I have told myself I just had 'a little bit of a drinking problem, I 'just' use it as a crutch because life has been so stressful........' for ten years lol!
Kmallet, the fact that you are here suggests to me that you think you may have a problem with alcohol, and if you think you may have a problem with alcohol, you probably do.
Have you tried to quit?
For me, I couldn't even go 3 days without it being all I thought about. I KNEW it wasn't having ANY positive impact on my life, and so so many negatives, yet I still continued to drink...and I hated myself for it every single morning.
I didn't admit I was an alcoholic until this year. For the last ten years I have told myself I just had 'a little bit of a drinking problem, I 'just' use it as a crutch because life has been so stressful........' for ten years lol!
Kmallet, the fact that you are here suggests to me that you think you may have a problem with alcohol, and if you think you may have a problem with alcohol, you probably do.
Have you tried to quit?
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 147
That's a good way of looking at things, free owl. Maybe I'm too hung up with the alcoholic thing. I know a few people who rarely or just don't drink. They're not alcoholics just don't like to drink. There are people other than alcoholics who choose not to drink.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
yep.
Honestly, the only places I identify as "an alcoholic" are here and in AA - around and with other alcoholics....
In the rest of my life, I don't use that term. There is a lot of external stigma attached and in mixed company there can even be an internal stigma attached for me personally.
In contrast, saying "I don't drink" and offering a simple explanation if asked, such as; "I find alcohol incompatible with the way I choose to live" or "I did enough drinking in my life, these days I choose to spend my cherished days without that haze" - feels empowering. I don't feel a stigma with those statements, I feel strong and I feel positive and I feel sure of my choice.... because it's a CHOICE.
I think it was important for me, when I came to know and feel that the term 'alcoholic' applied to me and to be able to identify as 'an alcoholic' in safe, supportive context. But I also think it was critically important for me to embrace 'I don't drink' as my own choice. Some of my friends and loved ones know that what brought me to that choice was my alcoholic experiences. But many people in life don't need to know that.
Honestly, the only places I identify as "an alcoholic" are here and in AA - around and with other alcoholics....
In the rest of my life, I don't use that term. There is a lot of external stigma attached and in mixed company there can even be an internal stigma attached for me personally.
In contrast, saying "I don't drink" and offering a simple explanation if asked, such as; "I find alcohol incompatible with the way I choose to live" or "I did enough drinking in my life, these days I choose to spend my cherished days without that haze" - feels empowering. I don't feel a stigma with those statements, I feel strong and I feel positive and I feel sure of my choice.... because it's a CHOICE.
I think it was important for me, when I came to know and feel that the term 'alcoholic' applied to me and to be able to identify as 'an alcoholic' in safe, supportive context. But I also think it was critically important for me to embrace 'I don't drink' as my own choice. Some of my friends and loved ones know that what brought me to that choice was my alcoholic experiences. But many people in life don't need to know that.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
That's a common, and very good question. As you can see, you will get many different responses. That's why Thomas11 thinks its a very good question, and always will be.
Speaking for myself, I thought alcohol was my friend. It alleviated stress, allowed me to digest problems, and perform some critical thinking (or so I thought). Then I realized somewhere along the line, it was absolutely not my friend. In fact, it was trying to control my life. So I joined SR.
Speaking for myself, I thought alcohol was my friend. It alleviated stress, allowed me to digest problems, and perform some critical thinking (or so I thought). Then I realized somewhere along the line, it was absolutely not my friend. In fact, it was trying to control my life. So I joined SR.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by least
When I started drinking in the morning to quell the shakes, I knew I was in over my head and asked for help.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: united states
Posts: 44
my therapist always said that there are differences between alcohol abuse, alcohol dependence, and actual alcoholism.. i always forgot the exact specifications.
either way, i don't really care about correct terminology. i would say that if it's reached a point where you admit to yourself that your drinking is causing problems in your life then it's time to take some action about it.
either way, i don't really care about correct terminology. i would say that if it's reached a point where you admit to yourself that your drinking is causing problems in your life then it's time to take some action about it.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
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Hi kmallet - it's so good to have you with us. I think it'll help to talk things over here.
I started out enjoying a few drinks, like most people do. In the end, it completely ruled my world. I knew I was in trouble when I had no control. I'd intend to have 'one or two', but that never worked. Unexpected & dangerous things always happened - especially at the end of my drinking years.
I'm glad you're questioning what alcohol is doing to your life. Happy you are here.
I started out enjoying a few drinks, like most people do. In the end, it completely ruled my world. I knew I was in trouble when I had no control. I'd intend to have 'one or two', but that never worked. Unexpected & dangerous things always happened - especially at the end of my drinking years.
I'm glad you're questioning what alcohol is doing to your life. Happy you are here.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
I agree that the label does not matter. But for me, the crux was realising that once I drank the booze took over and there was no predicting what would happen, which led to shame, anxiety, self loathing -- all the fun stuff. Not only because of what I did, but because in my heart I knew that I was letting alcohol rule the roost. And once I accepted that fully, which took a long time, the control freak in me took over and kicked the booze out the door. Same reason I quick smoking BTW -- not going to let something control me.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
I worked during the day and drank every night for 10 years. Did the same for many years before the last 10, but managed some kind of social life back then. The last 10, when that became all I did, and and there was really no longer anything else, I began to worry about it (I worried before that, but never thought about quitting for a long period of time, just had to "get it under control") The last 10, every day I knew I had a problem but also didn't believe I had a problem or didn't want to believe it. Felt hungover every day from the moment I woke, till I had that 1st glass of wine at 4pm. If it wasn't a full blown hangover, it was ALWAYS a headache and never felt good. My social life disappeared, I became isolated, secretive and my self loathing and wine became my "friends". I'd drink, feel sorry for myself and wonder in my drunk state why I had no life, wake up the next morning hating myself for drinking the night before, make that promise that I'd change things, work, then drink again. Drinking was rarely fun anymore. No more "fun" times I could look back on. Those "fun" drinking days that keep you wanting to go back for more, were long gone.
I tried a couple of times over the last 10 to quit, but never lasted once over 2 weeks. Seemed after 2 weeks, I thought I had it under control, so I'd have some wine, and then would begin again....Drink , sleep, wake up hating myself, work, drink, sleep, work etc etc etc
I woke up on Aug 10th and a switch flipped. It wasn't planned this time and actually, it was during a stretch when I wasn't thinking "I shouldn't drink anymore". My drinking at this point I think was sorta accepted in my mind now. I still hated myself, but thought I had nothing to live for. Thought that working, drinking, and sleeping was my life now and I deserved nothing else so why bother trying to quit.
But on Aug 10th, I was done. It was over. I finally cried "UNCLE" to alcohol. It had won. I couldn't control it. I couldn't make it work for me. It no longer "enhanced" my life. No more good times to be had. Only misery. I woke up that day and HATED alcohol, walked to the kitchen and poured the wine out and began my life journey sober.
Took me (and many others here) way too long to realize this. I have regrets, shame and very embarrassing moments from some of my past, but that doesn't bother me as much as the regret of the time I wasted just drinking, doing nothing.....for years. That is my biggest regret, the last 10 years wasted, at home, alone....just breathing in and out, never living life.
I still have a hard time w/ALCOHOLIC being in my own personal description...but I know I am. I know if I have one drink, I will be right back on that couch, drinking every night, wondering again as to what I did to deserve this awful life, while all the time, knowing its the alcohol.
I tried a couple of times over the last 10 to quit, but never lasted once over 2 weeks. Seemed after 2 weeks, I thought I had it under control, so I'd have some wine, and then would begin again....Drink , sleep, wake up hating myself, work, drink, sleep, work etc etc etc
I woke up on Aug 10th and a switch flipped. It wasn't planned this time and actually, it was during a stretch when I wasn't thinking "I shouldn't drink anymore". My drinking at this point I think was sorta accepted in my mind now. I still hated myself, but thought I had nothing to live for. Thought that working, drinking, and sleeping was my life now and I deserved nothing else so why bother trying to quit.
But on Aug 10th, I was done. It was over. I finally cried "UNCLE" to alcohol. It had won. I couldn't control it. I couldn't make it work for me. It no longer "enhanced" my life. No more good times to be had. Only misery. I woke up that day and HATED alcohol, walked to the kitchen and poured the wine out and began my life journey sober.
Took me (and many others here) way too long to realize this. I have regrets, shame and very embarrassing moments from some of my past, but that doesn't bother me as much as the regret of the time I wasted just drinking, doing nothing.....for years. That is my biggest regret, the last 10 years wasted, at home, alone....just breathing in and out, never living life.
I still have a hard time w/ALCOHOLIC being in my own personal description...but I know I am. I know if I have one drink, I will be right back on that couch, drinking every night, wondering again as to what I did to deserve this awful life, while all the time, knowing its the alcohol.
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